Until The Last Wave

28

"Your humor is bad."

Natawa ako sa naging reaction ni Miko nang sabihin ko sa kanya ang plano ko pagkatapos ng graduation. I told him that I'll be leaving the country and he thinks I'm joking. It wasn't a joke. Aalis talaga ako.

"You are the one who suggested this to me," sabi ko. "Why not give your suggestion a try? Ayaw mo bang mahanap ko 'yung passion ko gaya ng sinabi mo?"

"I should've never suggested you that," he said and sighed. "Look, Liege, you can just find your passion here. I'm willing to help you explore. 'Wag ka na lang umalis."

Ngumisi ako. "If you're gonna miss me, just say that."

He glared at me. "Malamang."

"Babalik din naman ako," sabi ko sa kanya. "I'll only be away for a year. This might sound cliche but I need to find myself, Miko. Unlike you, I haven't found my passion yet. I want to do something for myself at least once."

I need to do a lot of self-healing so I need to be away. I want to forget Calib, everything he did to me, and everything between us. I want to erase him and I can't do that while I'm here. I need to be in a new place so I can be new again.

I need to help myself.

"Can you promise me that you'll be back?" tanong ni Miko.

He looks so sad. Hindi ako sanay na 'di nagsusungit sa akin ang mukha niya. Mukha kasi siyang laging naghahanap ng gulo so seeing his sad face is weird.

"Of course," sagot ko. "Babalik pa rin ako, Miko. Even if I'm away, we're still friends. I am still going to call you for nothing and talk to you about the things you don't care about. I promise you that nothing will change when I go away."

"Sama na lang ako sa 'yo," sabi niya saka niya mabilis na pinahiran ang luha niya. Miko is crying and I've never seen him cry. Nalungkot tuloy ako.

"Hoy," natatawang sabi ko. "Hindi pa naman ako aalis at saka pwede pa namang mabago 'yung plano na 'yon. 'Wag ka munang umiyak. Nandito pa naman ako, eh."

He wiped his tears again before he looked at me. "I understand that you need to go away but I'm really gonna miss you so bad. You're my only friend. I mean, of course, I have other friends but they're not as good as you, Liege. I'm really gonna fucking miss your annoying ass."

Naiyak ako dahil sa sinabi ni Miko. Nagda-drama kaming dalawa kaya natawa ako. I hugged him and helped him wipe his tears. I had to assure him that I'm not yet leaving at hindi pa final 'yung aalis ako. Miko was sad when I had to leave his unit. I didn't expect that he'd actually cry because aside from anger, Miko has never showed me any negative emotions.

Of course, I don't wanna leave him but as I've said, I need to do something for myself. Pwede naman talagang dito na lang ako sa Pilipinas mag-move on pero mas maganda kung nasa ibang lugar ako para bago 'yung paligid at 'yung mga tao. I need to do it. I need to leave.