Until The Last Wave

03

"How are your grades?"

Literal na nawalan agad ako ng ganang kumain nang biglang magtanong si Papa. Binaba ko 'yung kubyertos at bumuntong-hininga. Here we go again.

"You're asking about my grades but not my physical and mental health?" tanong ko.

He eyed me. "Hindi ka naman mukhang may sakit. Now, kumusta grades mo? Puro palakol pa rin ba, Liege?"

Narinig ko ang sarkastikong tawa ni Sylvia. Siya 'yung step-mother kong walang kwenta kasi puro panghuhuthot lang naman ang ginawa niya kay Papa. Tiningnan ko siya at tinaasan ng kilay.

"Luis, wala ka nang aasahan diyan sa anak mo," sabi ni Sylvia. "Why don't you just give the resort to Sigrid? She's doing well in school and I'm sure that she's better than your son."

"Share mo lang, Sylvia?" sarkastikong tanong ko. I never really liked Sylvia so I don't have any respect for her, and it's her fault. "Hilig mong sumabat, 'no? 'Di halatang kulang ka sa pansin."

Even if I hate Sylvia to the bones, I don't wanna disrespect her as much as possible pero binibigyan niya talaga ako ng rason. I know that Sigrid, my stepsister, is better than me and honestly, she deserves the title because she really is. Pero ayoko lang talagang naririnig na kinukumpara ako sa kanya.

"'Wag kang bastos, Liege," sabi ni Papa. "You don't only need to work on your grades but on your attitude, too. You're disrespectful."

Hindi na ako sumagot kasi wala akong energy para makipagtalo pa sa mga matatandang tingin nila ay lagi silang tama. I just silently ate. Nakinig na lang ako sa walang katapusan nilang pagkumpara sa 'kin at kay Sigrid.

I fucking get that Sigrid is a million times better than me but I hate being reminded about that. Kasi para saan, 'di ba? It's not like I will immediately try to better myself every time that happens. The more they compare me to her, the more I want to be the worst. The more they say that Sigrid gets better grades than me, the more I want to drop out of school.

Pagkatapos mag-agahan ay walang gana akong pumasok sa school. Nakita ko si Claire na pumasok ng campus kasama 'yung tatlong bodyguard niya. I always feel both happy and agitated when I see her. Masaya ako kasi nakikita ko siya pero naiirita ako kasi nandoon na naman 'yung Dandy. They're always together. Magkakadikit yata 'yung mga bituka nilang apat.

Nothing was special with my day. Pagkatapos ng klase ay dumeretso agad kami ni Novem sa computer shop para maglaro. Wala akong ganang umuwi kaya kahit ngayong mag-aalas otso na ng gabi ay nasa computer shop pa rin ako. Kanina pa umuwi si Novem kasi hinahanap siya sa kanila kaya solo akong naglalaro ngayon.

I don't wanna stay at home so I really spend most of my time outside. Ayoko sa bahay. I feel stupid when I'm at home. Pinapamukha kasi nilang lahat sa 'kin na gano'n ako. Maybe because I really am.

Alas nuebe na ng gabi nang lumabas ako ng computer shop para umuwi. Ayos lang naman kahit anong oras ako umuwi. Kahit nga siguro 'di na ako umuwi ay ayos lang din, eh. Wala rin naman kasing naghahanap sa 'kin sa bahay. No one waits for me to get home but my cold bed.