my salvation (chris evans)

chapter nine - the end of a bittersweet chapter

The following day, as I'm off work, Chris and I have a chance to do more together while he's here. He's eager for me to take him to all the places that America don't have, so I start with Greggs. The more time that passes, the more I realise that I'm going to miss a lot about this place. It definitely gives me a bittersweet feeling.

Later in the day, we head to Pizza Express to meet Abi. Chris seems pretty excited and I can't help but raise my eyebrows at him, as we walk to the restaurant, hand in hand. He notices and looks at me, grinning.

"What?"

"You s-seem very excited." With a chuckle, he shrugs.

"I guess I am. It'll be great to finally meet a decent friend of yours."

"Whoa, ouch. Absolutely b-brutal." I say dramatically and he laughs.

"No, I don't mean it like that! I just mean— you know what I mean. I've only really properly met Liv and she was far from a decent friend." Laughing myself, I nod.

"I know w-what you mean. I'm j-just teasing."

"You wound me." He says dramatically, throwing a hand over his heart. I laugh harder and roll my eyes. "Actually, that reminds me. Have you spoken to Liv recently? Since you guys landed back here?" He asks curiously, to which I pause for a second, not sure whether to tell him about that night. But I don't want to hide anything from him. I nod gently.

"The other n-night. I sort of... w-went off the radar. Sc-Scared my mum a bit. And Abi."

"What happened?"

"Um, it was th-that day we t-talked, and you asked m-me about comments and stuff. After I ended the call, I couldn't st-stop crying. I hated th-that I couldn't express mmmyself the way I wanted. Like, the w-words were there, in my head, b-but they didn't come out. I hated myself, to be honest. I hated th-that I couldn't handle it. And I r-remembered that I never felt like, like that when I was with you. I never had th-the self-loathing, because I was j-just so happy. I had the insecurities still, b-but it wasn't hatred." He smiles weakly, listening carefully to every word. "I ended up g-going for a l-late night drive after my mum and Mark went to b-bed. I drove for hours, th-then ended up at this nature reserve I w-went to as a kid. Looking at the st-stars reminded me of that night we sssat under the stars and, and made s'mores."

"Yeah, I remember that. It was our social media detox day." I let out a weak laugh and nod.

"That's it, yeah. I d-didn't r-realise how much I needed that. How important it was. I should have done th-that more here." He squeezes my hand reassuringly. "I m-must have been gone all night. N-Next thing I remember is hearing my name. I d-didn't believe it at first. But it was Liv. Abi called her b-because no one knew where I went. She th-thought Liv m-might have an idea. I was p-pretty shocked. I mean, I had m-mentioned the place to her before, b-but I didn't th-think she remembered."

"What did she say?"

"She t-told me the past m-month had really opened her eyes, about wh-what she did... the k-kind of person she's been." He scoffs. "And she t-told me not to be an idiot like her. That I can't l-let the comments get to me. That I n-needed to talk to you and not give up on us, b-because we have something special and r-rare."

"Hmfph... most sense she's spoken since I met her."

"Yeah... it was actually kinda n-nice. I th-think she really is sorry now. I mean, every word... it f-felt sincere."

"Well, I hope you're right, but I still don't trust her. And you shouldn't either. One apology doesn't make up for all the shit she's put you through." I nod gently.