You're The Straw To My Berry (Phan)

Part thirteen

Chris P.O.V.

One week later.

"Chris?" I looked up to see who wanted my attention. PJ. Of course.

"What?"

"Finally! I've said your names loads of times! You've been staring at the wall for ages, are you okay?" I nodded, lying to the man I loved. I didn't even bother trying to smile, what was the point? "Chris... What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"You've been saying that all week, there's obviously something wrong!"

"Great, now you know how I've been feeling for about two months," he sighed and sat down next to me, putting an arm around my shoulders. I took advantage of the situation and put my head on his shoulder and smiled slightly. It was moments like this where I was happiest, but waking up with PJ in my arms were my favourite.

"I'm sorry," he whispered quietly.

"For what?"

"I've hardly been a good friend, and I'm pushing you away when all you want to do is help me. I'm sorry," he sighed. "What happened to us Chris?"

"What do you mean?"

"We're not like we used to be, we used to always be planning for videos or go out, but now we hardly move or talk to each other. I miss you, Chris. I miss us; I miss how things used to be. What happened to us?"

"I don't know," I answered honestly. If I knew why he was sad, then maybe I could fix it, maybe I could get PJ back, and maybe I could get myself back, because PJ wasn't PJ anymore and when I began to lose him, I began to lose myself.

"What did we do? Before? Before we got depressed?"

"We used to watch TV and play games together, or film a video or we would just talk for hours," I smiled at the memories. It was somewhere during these events I fell in love with PJ, somewhere in between his talks on how he saw the world and his laughter when one of us messed up while filming.

"Okay, we'll watch something, come help me get stuff to eat," he stood up and waited for me. I followed his lead but when I stood up his eyes widened in horror. "Jesus Christ Chris."

"What?" I was confused and checked myself, what was he staring at?

"When did you last eat?"

"Uhh..." I honestly couldn't remember. Not that I was deliberately starving myself, but I wasn't hungry anymore, I seemed to be living off the constant feeling of emptiness inside me. "I don't know," I concluded.

"You've lost so much weight, you're so thin! Alright, we'll make something; come on," he grabbed my wrist and pulled me to the kitchen looked in the fridge. "Okay we have noodles... Bacon... Chicken... Hey Chris, can you see if we have any stir fry sauce?"

"Yeah we've got some."

"Alright, take it out then we can have noodles with chicken and bacon with that sauce, aaaaaaand peppers!" he turned around holding a red pepper and it looked so comical I had to laugh. It felt like it had been a while since I last did but it felt good and I couldn't resist the urge to wrap my arms around PJ and pull him close to me and hugged me back tightly.

"What was that for?"

"Can't a man hug his best friend every once in a while?" He chuckled.

"I'm going to fix you Chris, I promise. If I got you into this mess, I'm going to get you out," his words hit a nerve and I swallowed down a sob but a tear slid down my cheek anyway.

"I love you Peej."

"I love you too."

"We're not very manly, are we?" We shared a laugh which sent mini fireworks off in me.

"Being manly doesn't get you far in life anyway," I started to let him go but he only hugged me tighter. "Wait, just a few more moments," I gladly did as he wished and we ended up staying like that for an extra five minutes, making me realise how much I did actually miss him.

We jumped apart in shock after a siren came screeching past.

"Well these noodles won't cook themselves," he stated and when we started cooking everything suddenly seemed normal. We were laughing and joking around with each other and dancing around the kitchen, like nothing ever happened.

"The bowls, sir," I handed him them and he laughed and dished up our meal while I filled two glasses with orange juice and we made our way over to sofa and turned on the TV.

From 5 in the afternoon to 2 in the morning, the hours were filled with jokes and sarcastic comments paired with laughter and conversation. The time spent was effortless but I craved for more as it rushed by, but it was enough to mend the friendship we seemed to have lost a while back.

"You look exhausted Chris, go to bed."

"In the minute," I mumbled, curling into the sofa and closing my eyes, too comfortable and tired to move.  I hadn't slept in days and it first time in while I felt tired enough to sleep. I felt his hand slip into mine and he started to pull me up. 

"Come on," he urged and I groaned and gave in, standing up with little balance. I put arm around his waist and leaned on him for support, the sleepless nights had now fully caught up with me, making it difficult to walk. 

I collapsed on the bed and kicked off my jeans once I had gotten under the duvet.

"Chris?"

"Mmm?" 

"Can I- can I sleep with you tonight?" I felt myself redden at the thought and was thankful for the darkness that had swept over the room.

"It would be my pleasure," Literally. PJ got in and lay next me and I automatically put my arms around him and nuzzled into his neck so he couldn't go anywhere. 

"Love you." 

"Love you too," and with that, unconscious took me.