You're The Straw To My Berry (Phan)

Part eighteen

PJ P.O.V. 

"Peej! Wake up! Film day film day film day!" Chris started shaking me and I pushed him away from me and put the duvet over my head. 

"I'll get up in the minute!"

"Phil and Dan will be here in half an hour! Get up now! And I know you need a shower, and we know how long you take," I knew he was right but didn't say anything so it didn't give him the satisfaction and groaned and got out of bed and into the bathroom. 

I stripped down and had a quick shower so I could spend more time getting ready. 

"Peej, I put some clothes out for you in my room so you can get ready in there while I start setting up the camera," Chris called through the closed door. 

"Okay, thanks Chris!" I shut off the shower and cringed as the metal screeched when I pulled back the shower curtain. I tied a towel around my waist and put another on my shoulders and emerged from the bathroom. 

I heard a wolf whistle and glanced to see Chris leaning against the doorframe of my door grinning at me. 

"Nice towels. It would be a shame if they... fell off," he winked and I felt myself going red, suddenly feeling self conscious even though he had seen me in just a towel thousands of times before. 

Stupid, perverted Chris.

"Shut up Chris!" He laughed and disappeared back into my room and I went into his, smiling to myself as I found a cup of tea with a note saying "for you x" waiting for me on his desk. I smiled appreciatively at the clothes Chris had picked out for me. Still folded neatly on his bed was a navy blue shirt, a stripy jumper and dark blue skinnies. 

I got dressed and went into my room and retrieved my hair dryer and brush. I swore repeatedly under my breath as I tried to untangle the knots and curls that was my hair. I gave up trying to tidy it and just dried it. 

We heard a knock on the door and Chris went to answer it. A few seconds later I heard the voices of Dan and Phil filling the apartment. I went out to see them feeling both confident and nervous, my heart speeding up as I saw my dark brunette friend who was clutching Phil's hand. I also noted that Phil was wearing Dan's shirt and it felt like someone kicked me in the stomach. 

As I saw Dan's face pale a bit as he saw me, I felt a smirk creep up on my face. 

"Ow! Dan! Why are you holding my hand so hard?" Phil exclaimed, looking down on his shorter companion. 

"What? Oh, sorry..." 

"The camera is all set up in my room," I said causally. 

"Dan, you go, I need to talk to Chris," Phil let him go and pushed him a little and Dan walked into my room while Chris and Phil went into the kitchen. I followed Dan into my room who was taking a moment to take in all the detail. He's so adorable. 

He stood in front of the bed, edging away from me and crossing his arms looking anywhere but at me. I took my chance and moved so I was in front of him, placing my hands on his hips and pulling him closer to me. 

"So Phil and Chris are out the room..." I whispered and he shivered. 

"No, PJ." 

"Just one kiss?" I wanted him to kiss me so we would get caught so Phil would leave Dan so Dan would come running to me. It was a risk. It was a huge risk and I knew it, we both knew it, but he wanted to, I know he did. You could see it in his eyes, the desperation and temptation danced through them, but there was something stopping him. 

"No!" He pushed me off him and I stumbled backwards, using the desk to steady me. The pain of rejection showed through my expression as I just stared at him. 

Chris and Phil suddenly appeared and I got given a cup of tea. I started drinking it no matter how much it burned my mouth so I could try to push down the lump in my throat. I felt too hot and the voices were too loud. I felt like screaming so I slammed the mug down and ran to the bathroom, locking the door. I sat down and started crying, putting a hand in front of my mouth to muffle the sobs. 

"Peej? Are you okay?" Chris. 

"I'm fine, I don't feel well," my voice was croaky and deep, a sign I was upset. Chris would know, he's held me crying enough times. I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down. I made a scene in front of everyone and now I would have to go back out and face them. 

Nice going, Peej. 

But the thought of Dan only started the tears again. I sighed when I had released the emotions and got up, staring at myself in the mirror whilst I leaned on the sink.

I looked empty.

I looked hurt.

I tried to smile but it didn't quite cover it and my eyes were bloodshot. I splashed cold water over my face and heard another knocking on the door. 

"Peej? Let me in, please," I dried my face and took another deep breath then unlocked it. It opened and I tried to smile at the Northerner but he could see right through me. He hugged me tightly without saying anything and I sighed against his chest. 

"I'm okay, really Chris, I am." 

"Okay..." he knew that I wasn't but he wasn't going to put up a fight and force it out of me while we had company and let me go and we walked out the bathroom and back into my room. I gave my best smile and sat on the end of bed where Chris sat on my right, in between me and Dan. 

The filming process passed with a blur and all I could clearly remember was trying to act like my usual self so that the fans and subscribers could see that I was okay. 

I had never felt more relieved when the camera was switched off and I heard the front door slam.