You're The Straw To My Berry (Phan)

Part twenty-three

Phil P.O.V.

"Excuse me, sir, are you okay?" I lift my head up and see a middle aged woman peering at me through her rectangular glasses, making me feel small and vulnerable. I simply nod and don't say anything, but it's obvious that I'm lying, my bloodshot eyes tell her for me.

She sits next to me and lightly places a hand on my shoulder. It's warm and caring, something that feels alien to me even though I experienced it a mere few hours earlier. Suddenly I want to tell her everything and explain every emotion that's currently residing in me. I open my mouth to start talking but then close it again as I realise I don't know where to start.

She smiled at me, her wrinkles highlighted when she does so, but its to tell me she's not in any kind of rush. But it's not pity or sympathy, I can see she actually cares.

"What's your name, dear?"

"Phil," my voice cracks and I cough to clear my throat.

"Well, Phil, what happened?"

"I- Well- m-my boyfriend..." The lump in throat returns, making it difficult to breathe as I fall back into tears again, hiding my face in my hands. When I regain control of myself, I glance up, embarrassed that I completely broke down in front of a stranger.

"He must've hurt you pretty bad if you're this upset... I'm not going to force you to tell me anything, but my house is just a few minutes away. Come over and warm up, it'll be better than sitting out here."

"O-okay," she stands up and signals me to follow her. I'm not sure why I trust her, but I do. Neither of us say anything as we walk, but I knew that impressing her was the last of my worries.

We reach a small detached house that looks too delicate to be in London but it's guarded by sturdy fencing that I notice is damp from an earlier downpour of rain when I hold it open for me to walk through. I feel awkward as I stand behind her when she unlocks the door and pushes it open but I forget how I'm feeling when I'm instantly hit with a wave of heat, stepping in eagerly.

"Just through here love," we're in the kitchen which is brightly lit by soft overhead lights. It's cosy with a few old fashioned features that give it character but I don't pick up anything else, I'm too upset and exhausted to care.

She turns on the the kettle and gets two mugs from the shelf and faces me.

"Tea or coffee?"

"Coffee, please."

"Sit down Phil," I do as I'm told, flinching as the chair I pull out screams in protest against the floor. I feel less pressured when I'm sitting down and I watch the woman make our drinks and realise how small she actually is even though she loomed over me earlier.

She places my tea in front of me and without hesitation I wrap my hands around it, trying to warm them up.

"Thank you," she smiles at me and I return it and then start to drink, the hot liquid sliding down my throat and starting to warm up my insides. The woman leaves me to think and a comfortable silences falls on us. "Sorry, I never asked, what's your name?"

"Marianne," she replied. "But that's not important, what's important is making you feel okay again."

"I don't know how to feel okay again, I was cheated on then lied to about it, but I know he cheated on me, I know he did," a salty tear slides down my cheek again and I wipe it away, sick of crying. Without thinking, I launch into a explanation of what I heard and the argument. I tell her how unimportant and insecure I feel, how I wasn't sure if I should be angry or upset or somewhere in between. I share some memories of me and Dan, my eyes stinging as I do but I keep in the rivers that wanted to pour.

I rant for over half an hour, only stopping every now and then for a breather and a sip of tea. Marianne doesn't complain or look annoyed or try to rush me, instead she listens intently, nodding and not interrupting once.

When I finish I sigh deeply, the heavy weights of emotions that were once in me were now gone.

"How do you feel now?" Marianne asks and I think for a moment before answering.

"Better. A lot better," and I did, it felt good to talk.

"And what do you think about Dan?"

"I love him, but we all deserve a second chance, right? I think we can fix things," the ends of my lips pull up and she smiles back, pleased with my response. I look at the clock and I'm shocked at the time, I was here longer than I planned. "I should probably go back and see him and hope he hasn't burnt the place down," I stood up and Marianne walks me to the door. "Thank you, for everything," I hug her and walk out, looking behind my shoulder to smile and waved.

"Good luck!"

The walk home seems longer when I'm doing it alone, but I feel positive and I think we can see this through. I waited so long for Dan, and I'm not going to throw it all away for a small mistake.

The lift ride makes me nervous and I hope he hasn't packed his things and left before I got there. I open the door closing it quietly behind me and I'm not sure what to expect but I didn't expect this.

Walking into the lounge, I see Dan sitting on the floor, sleeping, his head resting on the wall. He's wearing my bright green hoodie and he's so small that it looks like it's drowning him. Crouching down, I see he looks ill. Circles lie under his eyes and his skin is pale, not the usual bronze I'm used to seeing.

I put an arm under his knees and the other around his waist and pick him up and put him to bed. He stirs a little, but not enough to know I'm there. I change and put on a clean shirt and shorts to sleep in then lie next to Dan and wait for unconsciousness to take me.