You're The Straw To My Berry (Phan)

Part thirty-seven

PJ P.O.V.

Taking people for granted was a skill of mine and so I didn't realise how much I relied on Chris when I didn't see him for six days. 

Words wouldn't be able to reflect how I felt when I heard he was home again. I remembered promising myself that I would, from that moment, treasure any time I had with him. 

Tonight was different when we went to bed. Chris fell asleep just after a few minutes when usually he would stay awake for hours, but I could tell that he was exhausted from all the stress he had encountered this past week. 

I studied his features as he slept, intrigued by every inch of him. I forgot about my heartbreak and saw the beauty in Chris that I had completely been oblivious to. 

Being away from Dan gave me the chance to think about what I wanted.

What did I want?

At first, I wanted Dan. I wanted to love him. But was it worth waiting for? 

Yes, yes it was.

But the more I thought about it, no, no it wasn't. I didn't want to play games anymore. It upset Phil, it upset Dan and it upset Chris. So what was I really gaining? 

Nothing. 

All that it got me so far was problems, drama and tears.

So what did I want now? 

I wanted to stop loving Dan. 

Let him go, I heard a voice say in the back of my head. 

So I did. 

Or, at least, I was in the process. 

Surprisingly, it was a lot easier than I thought it would be. But it left me with questions, the main one being if it was that easy, was I really in love with Dan in the first place? Maybe I was and just accepted that we would never happen. 

And when that realisation clicked was when I started to look at Chris Kendall differently. 

* * *

Five more days passed still without a word from Dan, but I was considerably happier. Time healed me, just like I always knew it would, but the progress was sped up with the help of my best friend. 

As he mended my broken heart, I fell in love with Chris. I fell in love with his sweepy dark hair. I fell in love with his smile and green eyes. I fell in love with his scent that told me I was home. I fell in love with his slender figure and how we fitted together perfectly. 

I was in love with my best friend.

But I was too scared to tell him in case he had moved on from me too. So kept it to myself and waited. 

* * *

I lay on my bed listening to my iPod, Chris was in the kitchen making dinner since he offered to do it. 

I was still dwelling over the situation in my head, weighing out the pros if he still felt the same way and the risks if he didn't. If he didn't, everything would feel like a waste. I closed my eyes and listened closely to the song that started playing. 

It's always been you
From the day that I saw you
From a heart that was broken
I was changed into something brand new

Like a butterfly learning
How to use my wings to fly like the wind
I gotta make it home again

It's always been you
Seeing deeper than the surface
With a smile you demolish
All my walls you can always break through

To the heart of the matter
No matter what I try to do
When I hide from the sun
You come and change my point of view

And I'm sorry for the things I've done
When you ran to me, I turned to run
But you were waiting when I came undone
And needed something to hold onto

'Cause it's always been you
In the heat of the moment
When the pain was so real
And the scars on my heart were still wounds

I gotta stop hiding
From the one thing that's left to do
I know what I gotta do

And I'm sorry for the things I've done
When you ran to me, I turned to run
But you were waiting when I came undone
And needed something to hold onto
It's always been you

I wake up, I wake up
To the morning light, to your morning light
I wake up, I wake up
'Cause you shine so bright

I'm sorry for the things I've done
When you ran to me, I turned to run
Yeah, you were waiting, you were waiting

And I'm sorry for the things I've done
When you ran to me, I turned to run
But you were waiting when I came undone
You gave me something to hold onto

Yeah, it's always been you
Oh, it's always been you
Oh, it's always been you

I smiled to myself and took off my headphones and went to the kitchen. 

"Hey Peej," Chris smiled at me and without a word I put my arms around his neck and kissed him. 

A/N: Lyric credit goes to Chris August, song in side!