You're The Straw To My Berry (Phan)

Part twenty-eight

PJ P.O.V. 

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Chris asked me for the umpteempth time. "I can just call them and say you're sick..." 

"Yes," I sighed. "It'll be fine, stop worrying." 

"I'm just making sure! And just remember-" 

"That you won't let me out your sight. I know, I know." 

"Right," I knew he was annoyed at me because I secretly went behind his back and cancelled the doctors appointment. Needless to say he wasn't impressed when I told him when the alarm went off, but he booked another one for tomorrow. I avoided his stare and kept my eyes down on the floor. The carpet had a lot more detail than I originally thought. 

Dan and Phil were coming over to our apartment at my request, so Chris had been fussing over me all morning when they agreed to it. I was having one of my better days and I missed their company. Usually when we knew they were coming over, there wouldn't be any hassle and it wouldn't be a problem, but today was different. I had showered and carefully picked out an outfit, checked myself out in the mirror countless times and ended up tidying the place up using my nervous energy. I was trying to be my confident self but I was more anxious than words could describe.

Dan P.O.V. 

"Are you sure you want to do this? We don't have to go if you don't want to," I asked Phil as I watched him straighten his hair. 

"Yes Dan, don't worry about it. And anyway, it'll be nice to see Chris again," he wouldn't make eye contact with me but I could tell he was nervous.

"It's been too long since we've seen him," I got up from lying on the bed and sat down next to him, putting a hand on his knee. "You know I won't leave your side, right?" 

"You've said." 

"Don't leave me alone with him Phil, please." 

"As if I'd do that," he laughed humourlessly and turned off the straighteners. His tone scared me. We had been trying to mend our relationship but there were still some cracks.

Phil got up and left the room without a word to me and my eyes started stinging. I bit my lip to keep back the tears, but I felt so useless and worthless.  He still didn't trust me completely, but I couldn't blame him for that. However in some ways, it frustrated me. I had been doing my best with making it up to Phil, but it didn't feel like he was trying to meet me halfway with it. It didn't feel like he appreciated me. Not like PJ did. 

I got back into bed, laying on my side and putting the covers over my head, squeezing my eyes shut. I just wanted to block out the world, but most of all I wanted to stop feeling emotions and maybe then I would stop hurting. 

"Dan? What are you doing?" I was forced back into the world when the covers were pulled back but I buried my face into the pillow. 

"I'm not going," I said but it came out as a blur of mumbles. 

"I didn't get a word of that," I sat up and faced Phil who was looking at me with confusion. 

"I said I'm not going." 

"Why not?" 

"You don't trust me, so what's the point? And you're in a horrible mood too; this is just going to be a waste of time." 

"Whose fault is it that I don't trust you?" Phil said, his voice getting louder with each word. 

"I know it's my own fault, this whole mess is my fault. But don't you remember that I said I was sorry? I promised it would never happen again, but you won't listen to me. It was a stupid mistake. It was a stupid mistake because I love you. Don't you see how much I'm trying? I want to fix things between us but you won't let me," I was crying by the time I had finished my speech and Phil's expression had softened. 

"But Dan I thought-" 

"Thought what? That I loved PJ? That I was only messing you about? Don't you think that if I didn't care I would've been long gone? Did everything that I've done these past few months mean nothing to you?" 

 "Dan-" 

"Just go by yourself and tell them I'm sick," I lay down with my back facing him, wanting him to just leave. 

"No, you're coming with me. We're going to sort things between us out later," he snapped and pulled at my wrist. "Come on Dan." 

"I don't want to," I whined, trying to pull back my arm. 

"Fine, if you won't go for Chris, then prove to me that you've moved on from PJ." 

"I never loved him in the first place!" 

"Prove it," I sighed in defeat and sat up, sticking my tongue at him playfully and he laughed, easing the tension. 

* * * 

We walked hand in hand to Chris and PJ's and I felt more confident than I did before. The route was a lot shorter than I remembered so I was surprised that we were knocking on their door in less than ten minutes. 

To my surprise, PJ answered the door looking quite relaxed and any trace of cockiness like there was last time was gone. I felt myself smile back but squeezed Phil's hand reassuringly. 

"Hey! Come in!" he stepped aside and I led Phil in who kept a firm grip on my hand. We went to the lounge area where Chris greeted us as we entered. He looked ill with stress but I didn't comment and smiled back. 

"Hey Chris! Missed you bro!" I hugged him with one arm since the other was still holding Phil's hand but he hugged me back tightly and grinned at me when we pulled apart. Phil and I sat on one sofa ad Chris and PJ sat on the other.

"So you guys are going to Jack and Finn's tomorrow for the house party right?" PJ asked us.

"Were we invited?" I looked at Phil for confirmation. 

"Yeah, I thought I told you." 

"I don't remember... well we're going anyway," PJ smirked in response and as if nothing had ever happened, we were making jokes and sarcastic comments about each other for the next couple of hours. It was simple, easy.