You're The Straw To My Berry (Phan)

Part thirty-three

Phil P.O.V.

I felt particularly lonely when I woke up the next morning as I noticed that the other side of my bed was unusually empty. I wondered where Dan was for a split second then painful memories from the night before flooded my mind. I cringed and pulled the duvet back over my head to try and block them out. 

"Phil?" The door moaned in protest as it opened and I internally sighed, wanting to be left alone a bit longer. I sat up and watched Chris warily approach me with some water and tablets, which I assumed were paracetamol, and held them out to me, almost like he read my mind before I even thought of needing them. 

"Thanks Chris," I smiled weakly at him and took them. Chris put his hands behind his back awkwardly. 

"How are you feeling?" He asked me. 

Upset.

Lonely. 

Betrayed. 

Angry. 

Insecure. 

Scared.

"Fine," I replied emotionlessly. 

"That was a stupid thing to ask, I'm sorry." 

"It's okay," I started to play with my hair unconsciously, searching through the memories of last night. The one of hearing Dan and Chris arguing started playing in my mind and I turned to Chris. "Where's Dan?" 

"He left." 

"Where?" 

"I told him to go back."

"Go back where?" 

"Wherever he was. With PJ, probably," ouch. That hurt. I bit my lip and looked away. 

"Did he pack anything?" 

"I don't know, I didn't see him leave," I got out of bed and walked out the room and into Dan's. "Phil, what are you doing?" 

"I need to see what he took," at first glance, his room looked normal but my eyes flitted to something on his bed. I walked over, my heart thudding against my chest when I realised it was note and picked it up to read it. 

Phil, 

I'm so sorry. I need to get out of this mess I've made for a while so I'm going away until I get my head straight. I don't know how long I'll be gone, but I'll try and make it as quick as I can. 

I never meant to hurt you and I need to sort my feelings out before I hurt you even further. I love you Phil Lester, and I promise this is not goodbye. 

I'm not sure if you ever want to see me again, but I'll come back and see you again, regardless. 

I love you, I'm sorry.

Dan 

"CHRIS!" I yelled and he came running to me. 

"What's wrong?" 

"He's gone Chris! He's gone and he didn't say where!" I ran back into my own room and fumbled around for my phone and called Dan when I had it in my hands. I held it to my ear when it started to ring and paced around the room feeling stressed. 

"Hey guys it's Dan, I'm sorry I can't take your call right now. Leave a message and I'll get back to you soon as I can, bye peasants!" I allowed myself to chuckle for a moment then forgot the humour when I heard a harsh beep after Dan's pre-recorded voice. 

"Dan! It's Phil, call me as soon as you get this, please, I'm not mad, just please, I need you, I need to know you're okay. Call me, please, I'm sorry, I love you," I hung up and wrapped my arms around myself, wishing Dan was here to do it for me. 

"He'll be fine Phil, he's 21, he knows what he's doing," Chris said. 

"Chris, he can't even walk home alone in dark, what if something happens and I'm not there to protect him?" 

"Calm down, if something happens we'll hear from him, or someone, I promise he'll be okay." 

"Chris?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Do you think PJ went with him?" I saw the colour leave Chris's face then I remembered how much he cared for PJ. 

Scratch that, Chris was in love with PJ. What happened last night was probably hurting Chris just as much and I never once bothered to check if he was okay. 

"Uhh, I- I'll call him," and he left the room. I followed him into the lounge where he was now standing with his back to me running a hand through his hair and his phone against his ear.

I waited anxiously as I could hear the faint sounds of the ringing of the other line. 

"Hello? Peej, are you with Dan?... No? Do you know where he is? No, no he's not with us, that's why I'm ringing you. He's gone, we don't know where he is. Have you heard from him? So he hasn't said anything?" Chris sighed deeply. "Okay. I'll se- what? Well, what do you think? I don't know, I'll see, okay? Right, okay, bye." 

"So PJ's at home?" 

"Yep," I sighed and wondered where he could possibly be. I went back to Dan's room and opened his wardrobe, my heart dropping when I saw it was nearly empty. I pulled a hoodie that he left behind off a coat hanger and got into his bed even though I wasn't tired, hugging the clothing to my chest. I breathed in his scent, only wanting to feel close to him.