One Last Shot ✔️

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(I didn't reread, sorry grammar mistakes)

Ilaria

I turned the water on as I got under and started to scratch everything off me. The pain. The dirt. The roughness. The coldness. The ache. The darkness and the numbness.

I was never as disgusted as I am right now. Never. I think- I think I'm able to kill myself without being afraid now.

It was like the only thing that completed my pain. And now that the collection is all perfectly finished I can say that there is no need of me.

I broke down on the floor as I hugged my body and tears kept streaming down my eyes. I leaned on the wall as I closed my eyes and yelled.

The warm water was burning down my skin making it feel worse then hell.

A loud knock came making me know who it is. It's of course not my mouth. How could she when she doesn't even remember her child's birthday.

"Open the door..." His voice came which made another sob come out. He started to bang on the door which only made me cry harder.

"Ilaria open the fucking door!" He yelled this time kicking the door with his leg. I closed my eyes again as my tears kept going.

It was hurting so bad. So fucking bad.

I felt so disgusted by of myself. I couldn't even look into the mirror.

I'm ashamed Of what I've became.

I never wanted it this way. I never asked for this. I never asked to be born into this family. I never asked for anyone to leave me. I never asked to be raped. I never asked to do self harm.

I never asked of anything. Why me? What did I do wrong? They all did me wrong and fucking dirty and I'm gonna pay for everything they did.

He stopped knocking as my hold around myself tightened. Did he leave as well?

I stood up as I walked out not bothering to turn the water off. I looked at myself to see a disgusting reflection.

I throw the towel off me as I placed the shirt on. I headed towards the door and with shaking hands I turned the knob on.

I opened the door as I removed the tear from my cheek to see him sitting on the edge of the bed. He had his elbows on his knees as his head was down.

When he heard my footsteps he stood up as he walked towards me making me look away. I really can't face anything or anyone right now.

He grabbed my hands as he spoke.

"Look at me..." he said his voice calmer then usual.

"Ryder I really can't..." I whispered not knowing if he heard me or not. His palm got on my face as he removed my tears and pulled me towards his chest.

When his hands wrapped around me I broke down immediately. I grabbed his shoulders as I started to cry.

He grabbed my legs and placed them around his core before his hands went under my ass. He walked to the bed as he sat down and grabbed my face making our eyes meet.

"Stop crying- it's not worth it." He said whipping the tear away before he bent to my lips. I pulled away as I throw my hands around his neck again and buried my face in his neck.