Everlasting Winter

I'm not going to school

Todoroki POV

The next day I didn't want to leave my room. I like my room, it's quiet, no one judges me here, no can hurt me here, just me and Bun-Bun. The only problem with my room is its next to the training room. My dad took me into the training room for over 2 hours last night. He was fired up; he likes to train me hard when he gets fired up. He goes on and on about how I am his protégé, his masterpiece, how he is doing this for my own good. I can't even imagine what he would have done if he found out that I had a bad start on my first day at UA.

I stand up to get out of bed but quickly loss my balance. I feel sharp pain in both my legs causing me lay back on my bed. My father has a training technique whenever I do something wrong, he strikes my legs with a bokken sword. It's not hard but effective and really hurts the next day. I feel defeated, I can't even get out of bed on my own. My father clams that the training makes me stronger but instead it causes me pain. Every muscle in my body is screaming for me to lay back down, but I don't listen. I push through the pain and sit up. I notice patches of dried metallic red liquid on my baby blue pillowcase, remembering the cut on my forehead. The thought of it puts knots in my stomach. I close my eyes trying to stop the tears building up behind my eye. My whole-body shivers yet I don't feel cold. I feel worthless unable to keep my emotions under wrap, the tears fall. I go to a small hole in the wall behind my bookshelf, it's a hiding spot that my brother and sister don't even know about. This is a place I hide edges, anything sharp I can get pass the Todo guards. I can't sneak in the big thing's anymore, they are too smart for that, I need to be more creative and sneak in things like safety pins, tacks, even small piece of tile or glass.

I'm not one to cut a lot at one time, only when my inner demons are being especially loud, like today. I pull out a large safety pin that came with my uniform. I feel guilty unwrapping the bandages protecting newly formed burns and bruises. I find a semi healed spot near my elbow on my left arm. I take a deep breath...

Fuyumi comes into my room.

She immediately looks at the safety pin in my hand, she calmly walks over to me, reaches out her hand and says, "Shoto, I know it's been a tough week leading up to school but try to remember what we talked about; come and talk to us before it become too much."

"Apologies Fuyumi," I say handing over the safety pin. Fuyumi smiles and help me back to my futon.

Sometimes my anxiety becomes too much for me to handle in my head, and I need to do something. Sometimes I cut, sometimes I run away, sometimes I hit myself, sometimes I black out and really wreck things but every time Fuyumi and Natsuo are there for me.

"Shoto would you like me to go get Natsuo so he can help you get dressed for school?" Fuyumi asks.

"I'm not going!" I flop back down on my bed and put my blanket over my head.

"Shoto, I know there's more going on that you're not telling. Why don't you want to go to U.A?" She asks sitting down next to me.

"I want to go back to my old school," I say.

"Shoto you barely went to school last year," she says.

"I know but at least I knew the school but at U.A I have to start at square once again," I say.

"But isn't that a good thing? You are going to the best hero school in Japan Shoto. Mom would be so proud," she smiles.

"I do want to go but it's so overwhelming," I say with tear threatening to fall.

"I know Shoto but your brother and I will be here every step of the way," she says pulling me into a side hug.

"Okay, I'll try again tomorrow but just not today," I say wiping my tears.

She nods, "I will be back after work," she kisses my forehead before leaving the room to go to work.

I spent the day doing my homework. After I was done my homework, I decide to take a nap until my siblings get home. Fuyumi looks over my homework for me before dinner. We once again wait for Natsuo to have dinner together. Natsuo talks about the new girl in his class and that reminded me.

"Hey... um, is there a way to see what kids are in my class?" I ask.

"There's probably a roster to see what kids are in what class," explains Natsuo.

"Do you think you could find it for me?" I question.

"Sure, I'll look for it after dinner," Natsuo smiles.

I was in my room reading a book called, 'One step at a time'. Fuyumi gave it to me last year for my birthday, but I just started reading it last week. Fuyumi thinks it might help me with my eye frustrations. It is about Jackie a young girl around my age that has a service dog. She is slowly going blind from a car accident. She has PTSD or post-traumatic stress disorder. Her service dog Harlow is a mischievous golden retriever who is always there when she needs her.

There was a knock at my bedroom door before it slides open.

"Hey, your teacher sent us an email with a picture all of your classmates, would you like to come downstairs?" Asks Natsuo.

"Sure" I reply marking my page with a bookmark. I set my book down on my desk, I look over at my eye drops and think about how her story might be like mine.

I follow him downstairs to the computer. There was a picture of everyone with their last name underneath their picture. I notice a spiky haired blonde kid; his name was Bakugo. Then underneath him was the boy I met the first day.

"Is this the boy we meet the first day?" Fuyumi asks.

"Yeah, I think so," I reply.

I get a strange feeling in my stomach, like butterflies. I practically push Natsuo over to sit down.

"Hey, what's got into you," he says with a smile.

I look though the rest of the photos. I recognize a girl named Yaoyorozu. I went to elementary and middle school with her, but she started to hate me when I started to have freeze ups and run away more often. I think she only liked me for my dad's money. Over time she started to act differently around my father. She would act like my friend but away from the eyes of my father she was my worst bully. I shake my head and refocus on the picture of the boy I met yesterday. He was kind to me like Jackie's friend from my book.

After I look though the pictures again, Fuyumi helps me make my lunch for the next day. We make soba noodles together; she knows it's my favorite. I like the nights when father isn't home. After that I say good night to my siblings heading back up to my room. I pull out a pair of pajamas, take off my shirt, I glance at the bandages underneath reminding me why I will never be a true hero. I sigh, I try to push the bad thoughts away, I quickly put on my pajamas. I get into bed pulling the covers up to my chin. After a while my mind shuts down and my eyes close, ending my second failed day at U.A.