VALENTINA

CHAPTER NINETEEN.

BEFORE YOU GO...
LEWIS CAPALDI.

VALENTINA

The walk to the sports field is uncomfortable but I just keep walking.
I can feel Asher's eyes boring through my back.
When we arrive I take a seat on one of the bleachers.
Asher follows suit and sits a reasonable distance away from me.

"Valentine I ..."Asher starts.

"Before you say anything,let me speak,"I say.
I'm not ready for this but I can't turn back now,I have to say what's on my mind.

"Asher,I can't tell anyone anything about my childhood without mentioning you,you were the best thing that happened to me,and along the way,I fell in love with you,and I know you never knew...,"I say but Asher cuts me off.

"I always knew,"he says and I look at him.

"What,How,?"I ask.

"Remember the time,I fell asleep in your room,I was actually half asleep, and that was the time you told me you love me,"Asher says"it killed me everyday that I couldn't reciprocate your feelings," he adds.
I'm at a loss of words.
All this time,he knew about my feelings for him but he never said anything.
He watched me, fight my feelings every day, but he never said anything.

"Why didn't you say anything,all this time you knew ,you watched me wallow in pain but you never said anything why,?"I ask him.

"Because I never wanted to ruin our friendship,".he says.

"Ruin our friendship?,"I laugh humorlessly,"Asher I was hurting everyday,and you never said anything,is that what you call looking out for me,you could have said something Asher,you could have saved me from sleepless, nights and stupid hope that one day you would notice me."I reply.

"I wanted to,Val everyday but the thought of breaking,your heart couldn't let me,I didn't want to be the one to break your heart,".

"And  yet you  broke it anyway,every single day,"I state, fighting the pain in my voice.

"I'm sorry, Valentina,"he says softly.

"You shouldn't be,"I say holding back my tears.

"I never meant to hurt,Val I didn't want this to happen,I...".

"You've always loved her , haven't you,"I say quietly.
But he doesn't say anything,he just keeps quiet.

"She's nice,"I say and I feel a tear slip down my cheeks.

"Val...,".

"I know you love her Asher,I know you always have,"I say and another tear leaves my eyes.

"I'm so sorry,"Asher says his voice slightly breaking. I look over at him and he look like he is about to break down."I am supposed to be your best friend,I'm supposed to protect you from pain and yet here I am putting tears in your eyes,I'm a bad friend,"Asher says and for the first time today I see him cry.
He shouldn't be hurting,he should be free to love someone else without feeling like a bad person,he should be happy,I should be happy .We shouldn't be here crying over who couldn't love who.

"Asher,you aren't a bad person,maybe you made a couple of mistakes,but you're not bad,you're the best friend I always needed,and I will forever be grateful for everything,I admit I am heartbroken but eventually I'll be fine,Alexa loves you and you love her,and nothing should stop you from loving her,"I say to him.

"Valentine,I hope that one day you can forgive me for all the pain I caused you,and I hope one day you'll find someone you will make you feel like the luckiest girl alive,"he says.
I smile at this, one day,I know I'm gonna get over him,and I'm going to forgive him and I'll live my life knowing he was a great part of it.
One day,I'm going to come to terms with how our relationship turned out.I'm going to be able to tell people about him and not break down.
I reach out for him and I hug him.
He hugs me back and it feels weird after everything that's happened,but it's the closure we both need.

"I hope we can still be friends,"Asher says when I pull away.
Right now,I don't think our friendship can go back to how it used to be but maybe one day we'll laugh about it and be able to talk without feeling like there's a brick hanging over our heads.
"Maybe someday,"I say smiling briefly.
"No matter what happens,you'll always be an important part of my childhood,and for me that's enough to keep me hoping that one day,we will be friends again,"Asher says.

"Me too,Asher,"I say and we sit in silence.
I decide to head back to my room,I get up and look at Asher.

"You'll always be my first love,but someday someone will render this love irrelevant,,"I smile,"be happy with Alexa,she's a good person,"I add.
I don't wait for him to reply,I walk away.
I'm still broken but I feel like a heavy burden has been lifted off my shoulder.
I'm not over Asher yet,but I know one day I will be.
I will be able to laugh,and love again,and I'll heal.
And like Bree said,it may not be today, or tomorrow but I believe someday everything will eventually work out.
But for now I'm going to cry myself to sleep,nurse my broken heart  listen to some heart break music and exist.

I hope one day you'll find someone who will make you feel like the luckiest person alive.

I hope so too, Asher,I hope so.

Heyyy guys.
Firstly thank you for reading this far💗.
Out of curiosity though,
Do you think they both received the closure they needed.
Do you think Val deserved better.
Do you think they'll laugh about it someday.

Y'all have lovely days.
Keep smiling.