Fragile Heart

Chapter Six

MAYAs POV
I woke up nestled up to Josh. I never wanted to leave this position, I was so comfortable and couldn't help but smile. I looked up at him sleeping, he was so cute. I wanted to lean up and kiss him but I couldn't. Last night was mess and he was my defender. His face was still bruised up but at least we were matching. I had swollen lips and a mix of purple and black swirl on my eye.

"You're beautiful." Josh smiled while looking down at me.

"I'm a mess."

"A hot mess". He smiled

I teasingly pushed him off of the bed disregarding his sore muscles from fighting last night.

"I'm sorry.. I fo..."
Before I could finish my statement Josh was on top of me pinning me down on the bed.

"Tell me you like me and I'll get off of you."

"I'd be lying." I bit my lip.

"Oh Maya, stop."

"Stop what?" I asked innocently

"Making me want to kiss you."

I blushed, he wanted to kiss me? My heart pounded out of my chest.

"Kiss me." I said boldly. I was done skipping around my feelings.

"No,I can't."

"I'm pretty sure you can, I saw you kissing that redhead last night." I drifted off and looked at the wall refusing to look at him.

He laughed and I shot him a puzzled look.

"Maya Hart has feelings? You're completely jealous."

I didn't say anything, I'm sure my blank expression said it all. For once I didn't fight it, I didn't come up with some witty banter I just looked at the wall in defeat.

"Maya, look at me. I can't kiss you because I've never kissed someone like you. I've never had feelings for anyone and I'm leaving soon. I don't want to hurt you."

"Let me go." I shook uncontrollably until he released his grip.

He wouldn't kiss me. He was the king of kissing girls, he probably has the world record for kissing girls but he wouldn't kiss me. I felt broken again, he probably didn't want to kiss me because I was too much of a mess for him.

I tried to sneak out of the Matthew's house without anybody noticing my glum face, I didn't feel like faking a smile right now.

"Maya." Shawn spoke soft and I was forced to turn around. I was breaking slowly, I felt weaker each day.

"What's wrong Maya?"

I wrapped my small arms around him and let one tear slide. He wrapped his arms around me completing the hug and I felt better.

"What's wrong with me?"

Shawn grabbed my hand and lead me towards his guest room so that I was protected form Josh hearing.

"Why so sad kiddo?" Shawn questioned.

"I'm always messing up. I'm never good enough. I don't deserve Riley as my best friend, she's the kindest girl in the world. I'm always dragging her into trouble and she doesn't need that in her life. I keep messing up. I lost all of my strength, this last week has driven me insane. Yesterday I went to a party I wasn't suppose to..and don't get me started on Joshua. I'm not good enough for him. He's so great but I'm not."

It felt good releasing all of this to someone I knew wouldn't judge me for a second.

"It's okay Maya. You're great. Stop worrying"

"My dad left, my mom is always leaving and rarely comes back, Josh is leaving, Riley will leave soon enough once she realizes I'm not worth it."

"Shh.. It's okay Maya. It's not your fault." He gave me another hug and I felt like I wasn't alone.

"Want me to beat up this boy you?" He said half seriously.

"I think I'll be fine." I smiled through my violent tears and got up.

We walked back to the living room and there he was. The boy who did nothing wrong except for being so damn great.

"Maya were you crying?" Josh said concerned walking towards me and holding both of my hands.

"No, I'm fine."

"Look at me Maya."

"Just give her some space." Shawn interrupted.

He let go of my hands and looked hurt. I wanted to tell him it's me. I'm a mess and I was depending on him to fix me but I shouldn't of put that much pressure on one boy. I didn't need him, I just really wanted him. I walked out of the apartment to get some air. I sat alone In the substation contemplating everything. A couple of boys that looked around Josh's age made their way to my table. They were both wearing basketball shorts and jerseys and had sweaty hair that you just wanted to run your hands through. They were both tall, muscular, and had faces that made you jump to the conclusion that they were models.
"Hey, I'm Ethan." One smiled at me
"And I'm Jess." The other one spoke.
"Maya." I replied blankly.

I felt so neglected from Josh, that the attention from strangers satisfied me.

"You're beautiful Maya." Jess said.
I blushed like crazy.
"Thanks."
Jess pulled out a cigarette and destroyed his whole charm factor but troublesome behavior attracted me.
"Want some?" Jess said referring to his pack of evil sticks filled with poison.

"No, I'm fine." I smiled all politely.

JOSHS POV
of course I wanted to kiss Maya, but I was leaving soon and I was afraid that If I kiss her then it'll be harder for us both to continue our lives. She was too young for me. I couldn't feed into our unrealistic fantasies. I couldn't let her go off all sad though so I grabbed my leather jacket and walked down to the substation. I saw her smiling and laughing with two low life's. I know them from school, I used to be really close with them. They weren't good for Maya, they had some bad habits. I walked over calmly to see Jess smoking a cigarette around Maya. Maya looked at me and looked back down at her feet.
"Hey Josh." Said Ethan.
Jess looked up from his flirting with Maya to notice I was there.
"Hey." I said weakly.
"Isn't she gorgeous?" Jess said pointing to Maya as if I didn't know her.
Maya looked at me and I melted.
"She's beautiful." I said while starring at her.
I didn't like the way Jess looked at her, he looked at her like she was an object that he wanted to get his hands on. But I guess I'm just over protective over Maya. I needed to give her space.
As I was walking away I heard Jess asking Maya if she would kiss him. The same question Maya asked me this morning, why couldn't I have just kissed her. She would be mine right now. I looked back to see Maya unsure of what to say, she looked stuck. Before she could answer Jess swept in and he forcefully kissed her but after a second of refusal she continued to kiss him. I felt my heart bounce around in my chest and fall a couple feet to the ground.

MAYAs POV
He kissed me but he wasn't Josh. We exchanged number and I haunted back to the Matthews house.
"Hey Maya" said Riley
"Hey. Riley, I kissed someone at the substation I just met and I don't know why or what's wrong with me".
Riley hugged me and let me be a mess in her arms.
"How was your kiss with Jess?" Josh questioned while grabbing a bottle of water.
"Joshua Matthews has feelings? Someone is jealous" I teased mimicking our conversation from this morning.