Fragile Heart

Chapter Eleven

All of my surroundings were blurred and I felt as if I was disconnected from my body. I guided my hands to grab out for something in front of me, but there was nothing. I was in a land of vacancy. This one question was still giving me an agonizing headache.. Do I like Lucas? I've never deeply thought about it, it was always just Riley and Lucas. I consistently tied up my feelings and left them to starve. All I knew was Lucas made all of my problems vanish to another world. My mind wasn't wandering to dark places when I was with him, I could only think about laughing and revealing my teeth. He knew who he was, Josh was still discovering himself. Lucas's hugs consume me, when he hugged me it felt like I was cushioned by my favorite childhood stuffed animals.
"Maya?" Riley asked breaking me out of my mind trap.
Josh looked at the ground preparing himself for my answer.
"I don't know Riley."
Josh trembled off of the couch weak and slow like. Of course he didn't want to be around me, I didn't know what I wanted. I wish I could walk away from myself too.I was selfish and indecisive.
Riley looked at me like I had just disappeared from her life, she was looking me in the eyes but she wasn't feeling anything.
"Riley, I can't help how I feel. I'm sorry. I wouldn't ever date him because you're my best friend and I need you more than anything."
"Maya, you might think your life is awful but you have two perfectly good guys chasing after you and you're the one playing with their feelings. "
Those words pierced my heart, I knew it was her anger speaking subconsciously but she wasn't completely wrong.
"Riley! Josh is leaving soon and he's made it clear he wants nothing to do with me. He was on a date with another girl! Don't you dare say that! Lucas is my friend, I haven't done anything to lead him on. Riley no matter what I do it's always wrong..."
I turned my back and strutted out the door. My heart felt like it was pulsating out of my chest, begging to escape. There was Lucas on que. I wish I didn't seen him right now because it only added another layer to my world of Lucas.
"We have to stop meeting like this." He joked.
"I'm leaving. Bye Lucas."
He grabbed onto my forearms aggressively and turned me around.
"Maya, I'm here to break up with Riley."
My chest felt like it was filling with water, I was drowning and didn't have enough strength to kick for air. It was never enough.
"You can't Lucas, please don't."
"Maya, it's not fair to her. Riley's great but she's not..."
"Don't you dare say she's not me. She's better than me. She's beautiful, don't even get me started on how beautiful she is. Her hair spirals perfectly in place, it looks like she spent hours curling it but its natural! Natural? Can you believe that? She has the body of a model, her legs are long and she can rock heels? I am so flat footed I can't wear heals! You don't want a girl who can't wear heals. She gets great grades!She's so nice and has two parents and she's perfect Lucas." I went off on a tangent, blabbering so fast it was barely audible . I could write an entire book as long as the bible on ways Riley was perfect.
"You're perfect Maya! Stop comparing yourself to Riley. You're pretty great yourself."
"Please don't break her heart....Lucas she adores you. She'll hate me."
"Maya, she won't hate you. It's not your fault. I can't do that to her, it'll hurt more later on."
He wasn't wrong, I wasn't trying to secure Riley's feelings I was trying to shield my own. I couldn't lose her because of my vast temptations for Ranger Rick.
"Fine, be gentle." I pleaded.
I new I didn't have to ask, Lucas was the sweetest boy. He would leave with Riley smiling because that's how bubbly he was, every situation was a challenge for him to make it better. I needed that in my life, I needed his strong knowledge of right and wrong. Everything between right and wrong was a blurry line for me, I lacked a conscience.
"Maya, can we talk later? Get some coffee?"
"No Lucas, we can't hangout alone. At least for a while until Riley's feelings are repaired."
He leaned in and looked down gingerly at my Cotten candy colored lips. What is he doing? My heart began that annoying thing where it speeds up and I felt like I was going to drop to the floor. I felt a weakness sweep my body, Maya be strong. You're a strong girl, a strong girl who is really confusing what's right here. Wake up conscience? You've been sleeping for a while, I could really use your hel.. Before I could finish that train of thought Lucas bombarded me with a soft kiss. It was quick and out of my control but it eft me craving more. My feet remained glued to the wood flooring and I couldn't manage to lift my head, it felt as if it was a thousand pounds heavier.
"Maya, ..."
"No Lucas, I can't like you. I just like being around you. You make me happy."
"I have to go talk to Riley. But Maya Hart.."
He leaned down and got within less than a centimeter from my face and finished with "this isn't over. "
Why couldn't he just let it be? That's what I've done my entire life, just ignore your feelings until even you stop caring.
I watched him walk into Riley's to break her the news and within minutes he was out the door with a numb expression. He didn't speak to me he just kept walking. I took a deep breath and slowly crept open the door expecting to see Riley shattered to pieces on the floor. She was embraced in her uncles hug and I just stood motionless and starring. I felt like such a monster, a creator of all destruction and evil.
"Maya, he told me he liked you and he couldn't help it. He broke up with me and the worst part is I've always known he liked you... Since that night we played truth or dare. I've always had that knowledge tucked away under thousands of blankets in the back of my mind. But I didn't care because he was finally mine. The guy I had liked for so long was at me disposable."
I unraveled Josh's arms around Riley and have him a slight push disregarding his injuries. I needed to give my best friend a hug. I gently held her for several minutes while she dug her head into my shoulders making my sleeves soaking wet. I alternated between gently running my fingers through the back of her long, soft hair and massaging her boney back.
"Maya can you promise me something?"
"Anything Riley."
"Please don't ever date Lucas. I know he likes you and you like him and it's awful of me to ask but I couldn't bare the thought.."
"I won't. I promise you that. "
I didn't quite know if I believed myself yet. I was so afraid of messing up that my legs began to shake.
Shawn ruptured through the door with a large grin on his face.
"Hey, can everyone come out! I have a proposal for you guys."
Everyone came rushing out of their respective rooms and huddled around bunched up on the couch. I was tightly squeezed between Cory and Joshua.
"Go on Shawnie!!" Cory spoke with anticipation.
"Well I have a photography project in Upper-state New York, and I would love if you guys would tag a long for the weekend. We could spend a couple nights in a hotel."
"Well it would be a great way to conclude these kids vacation!" Topanaga chimed in.
"Can Maya come?" Riley asked filled with excitement and sugar.
"Of course!" Shawn said smiling at me.
"And me?" Josh asked raising his head.
"Of course, you guys are family!."
I was mostly excited to get away from here but all of problems were following me. Josh.

JOSHs POV
This is my last weekend before I'm headed home and I wasn't going to waste it. As a wise girl once said "we still have time now why not take advantage of it?". I was planning on fully taking advantage of this weekend away from Lucas. I wanted to prove to Maya that I was worth her attention, I was going to win her over no matter what it took.

MAYAs POV
Josh kept starring at me devilishly but I couldn't lie, it was charming.
"You mentioned a hotel! Can Maya and I have our own rooms!" Riley pleaded.
"Well we are short on money and Auggie is glued to my side so I figured Cory, Auggie, and I would share a room! Shawn will have his own conjoined to ours because your father will most likely leave me in the middle of the night to sleep next to Shawn! And you, Maya, and Josh can share a room!" She smiled.
"I don't think that's such a good idea, topanga." Cory and Shawn said in unison.
Josh looked over at me and smirked. Topanga was left out of the loop about Josh and I.
"Okay well, they will be right next door. We will have a conjoint door with them on the other side and it will be left open for the most part."
"Deal." Everyone said perfectly synchronized.
In a hotel room with Josh? I didn't even want to imagine what he was thinking. I wasn't ready to budge my feelings for him yet, I still wasn't sure about Lucas. I had to force myself to make an oath that I wouldn't kiss Josh this weekend or look into his eyes because for if I do, I'll be trapped.