Fragile Heart

31

I couldn't take it anymore, my heart was too weak to witness Josh swapping saliva with some pretty mystery girl. Without looking over at Lucas, I dashed out of theatre with glossy eyes and a pain burrowing into my stomach. I felt a hand wrap around my wrist and tug me around, I tilted my head downwards because I didn't want Lucas to see me cry. I sniffled and took deep breaths but I couldn't stop the flow of tears. His fingers lifted up my chin to reveal that it wasn't Lucas, it was Josh.
"Maya, what's wrong?"
"I'm fine, just go back to your date".
"Maya?"
"Why do you care?" I stabbed my eyes into his.
He grabbed me tightly so that I was centimeters away from him, I could taste his warm, buttery popcorn breath.
"Maya I don't care about her, I care about YOU!" He screamed sternly.
"If you care about me so much .. How can you move on so quickly?? I-I can't"  I wiggled trying to escape his grip but he kept me locked in place.
"You think I've moved on? That would be so much easier, Maya. I don't even know if it's possible to move on from you. Every time I try to distance myself and not get too caught up, I ruin it. I get scared every time we come to close and I get even more afraid when we aren't close at all..I'm doing what I did before I met you, trying to fill my emptiness with random girls who mean nothing to me.. You're the only one who's ever meant anything to me and I don't know how to recover from that. Kissing that girl makes it go away for two seconds but right after it all comes back.. It kills, Maya!" He grabbed onto me with glossy eyes like he was terrified to lose me, he kept his grip like I was a balloon that he didn't want to fly away.
"I can't keep having you be hot and cold with me Josh. I-I can't do it" I finally escaped his grasp and continued to run.
"Maya!" He screamed but I didn't want to stop, if I stopped for one second then I would forgive him and that would be weak.
I looked at my phone to see calls from Lucas.  I dialed him back to explain everything and allow him not to worry.
"Where are you? I got so caught up in this chick flick and bam you were gone!"
"Seeing Josh with that girl was too much. I'm sorry, I had to get out.." I spoke out of breath and slowly.
"As long as you're safe, Hart"
"I am... I'm just going to go over to Riley's and talk to her. I really need her right now"  I hung up the phone and ran straight towards the Matthews house.
"Maya?" Riley answered the door and as soon as she saw the mascara rolling down my cheeks she indulged me into a huge. She rubbed circles onto my back and kept whispering that everything would be fine.
"I can't get over Josh. I just can't" I whispered into her shoulder.
"It'll be alright, Maya. If it's meant to be, it'll be".
How could she say that? I didn't believe in fate, I believe in taking risks and the only thing thag is steering your life is yourself.. You can't blame fate for your shitty choices and you can't let fate take the credit for your good ones. It's you, take responsibly!
"I don't know" I mumbled.
She dragged me to our special spot and I explained everything that took place at the movies. As soon as I said I was with Lucas her face drooped downwards in sadness.
"I don't like Lucas. I needed a friend and he came. That's all. I see him as an older brother and I want you to know that time thought of dating him repulses me... But I do need him in my life as a friend" I grabbed her hand and started rubbing circles into her knuckles.
"I understand, you don't owe me an explanation. Lucas is a friend, that's all".
"Correct" I smiled at her through my tears.
"What do you think I should do? I'm so afraid of trusting him again, I can't get hurt" I whispered and glanced down into my lap.
"I really don't know what to tell you. I already said fate but you don't seem to believe in any of that so get up and do something. You're Maya hart, you're brave and bold.. Go take risks.. stupid risks even! That's who you are and you always learn from them"  she shook me like I was palm tree and she was looking for coconuts.
That's what I'll do I'll take a risk. I slammed her door and marched down the street without overthinking my stunt of bravery. I knocked on his door with confidence but as soon as he answered my stomach dropped and I felt timid.
"What are you doing here?" Logan asked.

A/n this all seems kind of crazy right now but it'll all be wrapped up in a couple of chapters! My book ends soon (: love you all xx