Fragile Heart

29

My heart nearly ruptured out of my chest as the flow of pebbles hit my window. Who could it possibly be? I didn't want to see anyone right now, all I wanted to do was lay back down, close my eyes, and relinquish my mind and body to the darkness. I fluttered open my eyelids consecutively to win back the control of my vision from the midnight blue skies. I apprehensively peaked out my window to see the only boy I'd ever known who could glue back the pieces of my heart faster than I could destroy it again. Lucas.
"Throwing pebbles at my window? Where'd you learn that one?" I joked, using my groggy, zombie-like tone
"Are you okay?"  He gazed upwards at me, his eyes were so focused.
"I'm fine. Why'd you come?" I whispered down
"I needed to know."
"To know what?" I raised an eyebrow and nervously clenched my lip with my teeth.
"To know you were okay."
I couldn't help but feel a flame grow within me, a flame that warmed my heart and my cheeks.. A flame that showed me light in a patch of darkness.
"You didn't have to walk all the way here." I giggled.
"But I did. Your safety is everything to me Maya."
I slowly pealed down my window and crept down the stairs on my tippy toes. Each step down the steep, daunting stairs creaked and sent me waves of heart ache. I patiently took a step, stopped, and then repeated until I made it to the door. I turned the knob slowly with each one of my arm hairs pointing upwards towards the moon. The creek was loud enough to make me worry but not loud enough to wake my hibernating mom. I stepped into the cool, night air, and spotted Lucas's  eyes glistening in the surrounding night skies.
Without understanding my actions, I dashed into him with single balls of tears parading their way down my scrunched up face. I wrapped my arms around his neck and gently nestled my head into his strong shoulders. His hands engulfed my head and pulled me into towards him, I was nearly suffocating into his shirt but I didn't care. I felt the warmth and love radiate off of him, and that's all I needed at that moment. I needed someone to hold me, to feel my involuntary shaking. His large hands went for their best attempts to stabilize my body and my emotional state.
"Thank you." I whispered into his shoulder.
"Can we talk?" He grabbed my shoulders firmly and wouldn't break the intense eye contact.
"Sounds bad.."
"It's not, I promise. I just want to talk".
"Okay Friar. Where? It's dark.."
"Your room.." He pointed upstairs.
"My mom and Shawn are sleeping...but if you can be quiet... I suppose."
"I'll be quiet." He promised
We slowly opened the door and went on our hands and knees to cautiously avoid creaks on the stairs. I felt my heart collapse onto a comfortable bed after reaching my room safely.
"I love your room." Lucas swiped his finger and carefully observed all of my art.
"It's alright."
I was awful at taking compliments.
"I'm so tired." I yawned like a ferocious lion.
"Movie?"
"I thought you wanted to talk..."
"We can talk while we watch the movie as you rest your eyes."
"Multi tasking? I can barley manage one thing but okay Lucas" I pushed him in the chest softly.
I used all of the energy I had leftover, to jump into my mountain of blankets.
Lucas awkwardly sat at the end of the bed, unsure of what to do. He popped in the only movie I had laying around from childhood, Alice and Wonderland. I would pretend to be Alice from the age of five to the age of ten. I would only go by Alice at school, I wouldn't respond to anything else. She was like me, lost.
Lucas returned back to his uncomfortable position at the end of my bed.
I hesitated my next move but I finally choose to act.
"Lucas, come lay next to me."
His eyes darted to the little space next to my small frame.
"I'm fine." He spoke.
"Please." I softened my eyes and begged.
"Are you sure?"
"We're just laying down watching a movie, relax. I do this with Riley."
He crawls into the space next to me and we face each other. After a minute of smiling and laughing like idiots from the awkward tension, I break it.
"What'd you want to talk about?"
"I just wanted to talk. I wanted to know where you were at with everything. I miss you and care about you."
"I miss you too. You're my best guy friend and sometimes that gets really complicated. But nothing is worth losing our friendship to me and I've realized that today."
"Why today?" He questioned
"Because I've been being stupid. I'm not THAT girl. The girl who lets her boyfriend treat her disrespectfully and make stupid mistakes. I'm not THAT girl who forgives someone for those kind of stupid acts. It's not Josh, and it's not me. I'm not THAT girl who gets consumed within a guy to the point where I'm ignoring my best friends and my own personal needs. I can't be with someone who's toxic, I just won't be THAT girl. Not anymore. "
"I've never seen you as that girl, even with Josh. If that makes you feel better." He placed a single one of my blond locks behind my ear.
"How could you say that? I forgave him constantly and he treated me awfully. He has anger issues and I allowed that. I basically ignored Riley and you just to be with him. I haven't seen Farkle in weeks because I've been so caught up in Josh. I'm scared."
"Listen to me.. You'll never be that girl. You're so strong, that girl wouldn't realize and say what you just said. Those type of girls are blind but you're not. You're so strong and independent, you made your own choices and you new the consequences. Who a cares if you took risks on Josh, you listened to yourself. You ignore all of the reputations and labels  other people give and you learn for yourself because you've been given those kind of labels. You give everyone the benefit of the doubt, you try so hard not to lose anyone. I know you're scared but I'm not going anywhere. Either is Riley... Or Farkle.. Or Josh."
"Riley gave me the choice, her or Josh. So one of them is going somewhere..."
"That's not fair of her, Maya. She's just not thinking, she thinks it's best for you. Maybe it is, I don't know but its your choice." Lucas grabbed my arm and I felt goosebumps.
"I choose my friends." I whispered.
Lucas kissed me on the forehead softly which relinquished butterflies into my stomach.
"Thanks for being here, I needed a friend." I looked up from his chest to his eyes.
"Always." He smiled. 
I turned around to get in a comfortable position. Lucas cuddled up towards me and wraps his muscular arms around me. I felt safe, and sure of my decisions. As soon as I was sweetly nestled in Lucas's embrace, I grabbed my phone to see multiple text messages.

Riley👸🏽😇 :
Are you okay? My parents are still debating on my punishment so as of right now my phone is safe. Do you have your phone? Listen, I'm sorry for laying on you all of that stuff in the car. I do truly care about you and I'm only trying to help. I think you and Josh need some space, to realize who you are apart... And to spend some quality time with me ;) !! That sounded kind of creepy with the winky face, sorry for the nightmares. Love you endlessly !! Night!

Logan:
Are you alright? Listen, I'm so sorry for the events that took place at Jess's party. I never meant to start anything with your boyfriend. I wouldn't ever do anything to hurt you. I hope you know that, I'm not as bad as everybody says. I know I didn't prove that to you tonight, but I promise I will soon. Sleep well beautiful.

Josh😈💘:
Maya, I can't believe how stupid I was. Please open your window, I'm going to climb up the tree, onto your roof, and I'll be outside your window. I can't go to bed knowing you're sad.

I slowly unraveled myself from Lucas's grip but he remained asleep. I lurked towards my window, brushed past the curtains, and there he was. Josh was sitting patiently on my roof by my window.
"Why didn't you knock?" I asked as I lifted up the window.
"I didn't want to wake you."
"Planning to stay there all night?" I laughed.
"As long as it took."
"How cheesy.." I mocked.
"Maya, I'm sorry"..
"I know." I looked down at my carpet.
"I promise I'll make it up to you.."
"Josh, I can't be with you."
"What do you mean?" His eyes began filling with water.
"I'm breaking up with you. You're not good for me and I'm not good for you. It's not anyone's fault, it just is that simple."
"But Maya.. Please I'll do anything."
"I'm sorry, I can't. I have to go."
I shut the window slowly and collapsed onto the floor holding my face to block the tears.
Lucas hopped off the bed at the first sign of my tears and wrapped his arms around my body.
"It's going to be okay." He promised
I cried louder, but Lucas muffled my tears with his shoulder. He was always there, as were his sturdy shoulders. I was going to be okay.