More Than One Night

chapter twenty-three

Logan

Pain. Hurt. Anger.

I feel those three emotions every fucking day I wake up.

Painful memories that haunt me of my past that has now ruined my future. My entire body hurts at the fact Aurora left for me to work on myself, when I haven't done that at all.

I'm angry at them for being happy together while I can't seem to get over what she fucking did to me. I'm angry that Aurora could see straight through me and left me too. But more than any of that I'm fucking furious with myself for letting the love of my life down, and letting her walk away.

That's why I haven't reached out to her. She said we needed space and I'm trying my fucking hardest to respect that. I first questioned if I should text her a few days after, but knowing she doesn't want me because of my anger towards well, life, which I haven't yet resolved.

Seeing her last night fucking put everything in perpective for me. Her standing up for herself, to put me in my place.

She must fucking hate me after she saw that girl with me. I haven't been with anyone since Aurora left. I don't want to.

I love Aurora. I always will.

Sitting here on my sofa on a Sunday morning, alone, I give myself a reality check.

I accepted the offer to be an Assistant Coach last week and I can't fuck that up. With me not attending the event after the charity match, Smith called me a day later and offered me the job.

I have also booked in sessions with James twice a week. He knows something has happened and is helping me deal with my shit.

I need to do this. Not just so Aurora will come back to me but for myself. My brain can't take anymore shit and to be honest I need to fucking sort myself out. I need to make myself realise that I have a job, I have a home, I have- had a girl I loved.

I need to focus on the postive things. Life is too short and I need to not drag anymore people down with me.

I quit being a PT last week at the gym. I'm sure Aurora will have heard as my clients have been redistributed amongst the others.

I just need to spend some time focussing on my new job which I'm sure I will enjoy.

Then maybe Aurora will want to hear me out. When? I'm not sure but I need her to. I need her to make that part of my life happy again. I know I won't find anyone that pure and kind and loving again.

◇◇◇

3 weeks later ....

"Alright lads, hit the showers!"

A few weeks in with the team and I've never felt better. They need some work but me and Smith are finding a way to make them the best.

It's my birthday today and I woke up to a text from Aurora wishing me a great day. I don't know what I've done to deserve her but she is unlike anyone I've ever met.

The constant smile plastered on my face today has been ridiculous, and it's all down to her.

"You doing anything tonight mate?" Smith hits my back as I head to my car.

"Just heading to my Mum's now and then Hart and Fletcher wanted to go out but we'll see." I shrug referring to Harry and Luke.

The surnames is a football thing, it feels weird calling them by their first names again now I'm back on the football scene.