Lie to Me

The Way I Love You

Thoughts raced through my mind as I decided what my next move was gonna be.

"Y/n, talk to her" Derek commanded and pushed me towards Emily.

"Blake is back" her voice shook with anxiety.

"Yeah" I mumbled.

"Y/n, I really think we should probably talk." Emily voice was barely audible.

"Ok" I nodded kindly. This wasn't easy for either of us, that much was clear. "Morgan, Emily and I are gonna go for a walk"

He nods and Emily and I walk out the doors of the BAU.

"when did she get back?"

"late last night"

"Did you know she was coming?" Emilys voice was still unsteady and there was a tension in the elevator unlike any I'd ever experienced.

"no, she uh, she surprised me"

"oh"

Then silence. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say. I felt I was in an impossible situation.

"Y/n, let me be honest, ok?" she stopped the elevator. "I love you. I always have and always will. That's not gonna change. Now I know I've hurt you in the past and I will never be able to forgive myself for that. However, all I truly want is for you to be happy. Even if that means its not with me"

The tears in her eyes finally fell as she spoke her last few words. And as for my heart? Well it felt like what I can only imagine how glass feels when it hits the pavement.

"Emily, I-I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt either of you but I'm not sure that's a possible outcome." I confessed.

"I just wanted you to know how I felt and that all I want is for you to be happy." the soften in her voice was only breaking my heart more. "you don't have to say anything Y/n. I just needed you to know"

I nodded for that was all I could seemingly bring myself to do. Emily pushed the start button on the elevator and brought us back up to the BAU. The shock of the situation I was in had to be written all over my face because all eyes were on me as I entered the room, and the looks of concern were quick to follow.

"Y/n?" Blakes voice called out from behind me. "everything ok?"

"Um, yeah, I'm just, uh not feeling the greatest" I sighed.

"are you gonna be ok? do you need to go home?" she asked worried.

"no, I"ll be fine" I smiled unconvincingly as I sat at my desk.

The minutes passed like hours. I had been working on the same document for what felt like five hours was only thirty minutes.

"Hotch wants me to run and do a follow up interview with a family here in DC, why don't you come with?" Alex said as she leaned against my desk.

"Of course" I stood and put my coat on and as we walked, I caught a glimpse of Emily watching as I walked out.

"Are you gonna tell me what's going on?" Alex asked quietly once we got in the car.

"what do you mean?" I asked as if I was surprised a profiler detected that I was preoccupied.

"It's Emily isn't it?" her eyes were glued to her lap.

"Alex," is started but she stopped me.

"it's ok. I should've known you wouldn't just lose feelings for her. But, I need you to tell me now if you're in love with her"

"It isn't that simple Alex-"

"yes it is" she argued.

"I love you too" tears welled in my eyes.

"enough to outweigh that of your love for Emily?" she asked me as if she already knew what the answer was.

"that's not fair"

"Y/n, what's not fair is me playing second fiddle to Emily Prentiss. I love you and I'm not afraid to say it. But there's no point in being together if your heart is somewhere else all of the time."

She was right. I knew she was. And the worst part is I wish I didn't feel this way. Alex is sensible and loving and patient, and just overall incredible... yet here I am, thinking about the irrational, wild, skeptic who loves me with a love that is beyond comprehension.

"You're right Alex, it isn't fair to you" I choked on my words as I struggled to suppress tears. "but I do love you. A lot. And I think you deserve the world... but I fear that we both know I'm not the one capable of giving that to you."

Tears fell like raindrops as I came face to face with my feelings.

"I am so so sorry Alex" I sobbed.

"I am too" she whispered. "but I think there's probably some place you should be right now" she nodded towards the doors at Quantico. "it's ok, go"

I gave her a longing look before I opened the car door and started inside.

My heart was pounding so hard I could swear it was visibly protruding through my chest. As the elevator doors opened I ran out and my eyes instantly searched for Emily.

"She's in the conference room" Morgan chimed from the side.

Without saying a word I ran into the conference room where Emily alone looking at some old files.

"are you alright" she asked concerned.

"ask me in about five minutes" I pant. "listen, you are a pain in my ass. You never want to share what's really on your mind, you don't trust anyone, you're scared to show any sign of emotion, and you run like hell the moment someone shows you any amount of love and you bother me sometimes"

"Y/n.." she starts but Im not quite done.

"But unfortunately I want you to bother me. Because despite my best efforts I can't seem to not be madly in love with every little thing about you" I wiped the tears away from the side of my face. "so, if you wouldn't mind, could you please just come-" I choke over my words yet again. "could you please just come bother me?"

With that she rushed towards me and cupped the sides of my face, pulling me into her. Our lips connected and I felt like my heart stopped. It was desperate and long over due. Once she pulled away she pushed a few strands of hair behind my ear.

"I love you Y/n, and I will bother you everyday for the rest of our lives" she chuckled lightly, eliciting one from me as well. "and on that note, are you ok?"

"yes, I'm more than ok" I smiled as the frustrated tears turned into happy ones. She wrapped her arms around me and I knew that I was where I needed to be. Though navigating the thoughts and ways of Emily Prentiss isn't always the easiest thing in the world, loving her is. At least for me.....