Drowning in Love [hajeongwoo]

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Haruto

Jaehyuk were standing in front of me when I opened my eyes. I arched my back as I bring myself to sit, rubbing my eyes slightly.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. I held on my head as I feel pain striking, it must be hangover. I was taken aback when he started hitting me. "I hate you! you made my best friend's life miserable, and now you're sleeping in his house?" I forrowed my brows, I don't know if I heard him right..

"Yes, you are in Jeongwoo's house, your ex boyfriend. So tell me, what is happening?" he crossed his arms, raising his brow at me. Jaehyuk has become much manlier, but surprisingly he acts completely the usual.

"Stop beating him around, Jae!" I heard Jeongwoo's voice. I averted my gaze as I began to remember what happened. We just had a deep conversation. And I told him I miss him like crazy.

I finally told him the truth. All thanks to alcohol I had the courage to be brave.

"Are you two back together already? Wow! I can't believe this. Wow!" He is now walking back and forth, obviously either amused or irritated with the thought.

"Calm down, you're overreacting." Jeongwoo said half laughing. He looks so cool with the situation, I am embarrassed I am on his bed, looking clueless.

He went beside me as we stared at each other, the corner of his lips rose, as he showed me a smile. He seems relieved, happy and bright. "Wow, what a painful sight to see." Jaehyuk hissed. "I am completely against this reunion!" he shouted as he stormed out of the room.

"I'm sorry if he's being dramatic." Jeongwoo started saying after staring at the door for seconds. "No.. I'm  embarrassed he needs to see me here," I said "Jaehyuk will be fine, he is just a bit protective although I'm an adult myself" he chuckled. I wonder how he can laugh genuinely in front of me when all I have is guilt and shame to be facing him like nothing happened.

"I'm sorry, Jeongwoo." I said, biting my lip. "For everything that has happened between us," he stared at me, "Will you believe me what happened before doesn't matter to me anymore?" he smiled as tears twinkled, "It doesn't matter to me anymore, Haruto. What matters to me is we settled things and reconcile," his smile widened as he reached out for my hand. I felt heavier on my chest because I never had the guts he has now. All this time, I keep pushing the thought of reaching out to him because all I had is the guilt, but I never had the strength to make it up to him.

"Haru, stop blaming and punishing yourself for everything. Junghwan already told me everything long before. But I gave you enough time, can I have your time now, now that I need it the most?"

He started sobbing. I don't know why is this making my heart beat faster, it's as if squeezing my heart tight. "What are you talking about, Jeongwoo?" I touched his face with both hands, as I tried to lift it so our gazes can meet. He is crying so hard, like a helpless kid.

"I have heart cancer, Haruto."

My world froze. I froze holding him. "Haruto.. no one knows, but I might not live longer," he smiled. He held my hands, as I keep shaking my head, "No, Jeongwoo. How.. how am I clueless about this? I'm so cruel." My sight became blur as tears keep streaming down my cheeks.

"Please, Haruto. I just need the rest of my time with you. Can you give that to me?" his voice cracked, tears shimmered upon his cheeks, as he draw me a smile once again. I broke down seeing him smile. I am regretting not savouring every chances I could have to see him smile like he's holding my world in his eyes.

I pulled him gently as I embraced him tightly, I felt his hands on my back as he rested his chin on my shoulder. "I can't lose you, Jeongwoo.." I uttered almost out of breath. This must be the most pain I have felt for so long. I thought I was numb, but now, I can see my world shattering into pieces with the thought of losing him, with no choice attached.

He detached from me, wiping my tears as I feel him weakened holding my face.

Jeongwoo

"I'm so sorry.." his shoulder started moving as he cried with his head down. I held on to the remaining strength I have not to break down in front of him. This is all I wanted. To be with him again. God knows how desperate I am for this chance. It doesn't matter to me who wants it more. I just need this.

I felt a gaze staring at us when I saw Jihoon at the door, sniffing as he held on his tears.

I remember him not badmouthing Haruto, I heard a lot of people spoke ill of him when they never knew what he's been through all his life.

I, also, thought he's been treating me like a trash when Junghwan appeared. But he was in his desperate time too, trying to make up with the guilt he's been living since he lost him and being blamed for what happened.

He was a child after all. And no words can explain how miserable he is deep down his heart.

Jihoon taught me to be forgiving and he helped me not loathe Haruto.

"You told him already?" Jihoon asked, as he eyed Haruto with teary eyes. I nodded my head.

"He's not going to die. No one will allow that to happen so stop crying," he told Haruto. I averted my gaze away as tears scaped. I wish that we all can halt it from happening. But what's my destiny holds, I have no regrets anymore now.

****

"It's crazy that you already reconciled with him," Jaehyuk started saying. Haruto needs to go as he has some appointments to attend. He is against the thought but he is also happy I must say although his face otherwise.

"After all, that's what you all need," he heaved a sigh. I've been really thankful for him and Doyoung.

Doyoung arrived at my house after awhile since we need to meet my doctor. They have been looking for donor, but also afraid my body can't take a heart transplant since I'm severely weak and it might kill me. A part of me is already tired, but when I imagine not being able to live any longer, it awakens the eagerness to cure this, even though it's really helpless.

"Shall we go?" Doyoung asked. I just nodded my head. "I heard from Jaehyuk already. You told Haruto." he said when we approached the stairs. "He's been nagging me so much awhile ago, it hurts my ear," he complained. I laughed a bit, "He's been hitting adulting too long that's why he's become so aggressive," I said.

Jaehyuk rolled his eyes, "You seem not surprise, Dobby. I thought you don't like Haruto,"

"I didn't say that, idiot. And I talked to him already. It's all settled. Let's just wish the best for Jeongwoo's heart transplant."

"Why? Do we have a donor already?" Jaehyuk asked. "We'll still have to look on Jeongwoo's condition, if he can already carry on the operation, we will proceed on that. So yes, we already have a donor." Doyoung smiled, Jaehyuk hissed in happiness as I began to regain hope with the sudden news.

I want to live so bad. Still. With Haruto.

Hi! It's been so long since the last update of DIL. This chapter is still raw, and I will have the next chapter longer. We have few remaining chapters to unfold, since I want to finish this book before I can possibly start writing another. I missed how it feels to write, I've been stuck for a long while because I no longer feel passionate, and a lot is happening in my life, but I am now regaining the energy and fondness of writing so I hope I can have another book and finish this one finally.

Well, the end is near. So near.