Drowning in Love [hajeongwoo]

Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

Broke.

It's ironic how I never felt complete, I always feel like there's pieces of me that I'm continuously grasping and looking for, but I feel like I'm just breaking into tiny pieces even more—like a broken glass. I couldn't be happy. Like I'm supposed to be lonely.

I have breathed for awhile. But now, I feel like drowning way deeper. Unsafe.

My heart keeps aching that I wasn't able to sleep, I spent the whole night squeezing onto my chest, unable to ask for anyone's help. This aching feels like a torture, whenever I'm hurt, my heart starts to feel numb, making it worse. But sometimes, it became an outlet—to cry—it became a reason to just broke down in tears. But the truth, I am just in pain mentally.

Guilt is tripping me for thinking I'm madly sad because of Haruto.

He never asked me to like him. He don't owe me the feelings I have for him. But I couldn't stop myself from hurting hearing it from himself.

Unrequited love. I never thought it will hurt this bad.

The sun is hitting the window pale, I looked at the wide field from the outside. I bitterly smiled. Realizing how those green grass looks lively. I wish I can be the same.

"Jeongwoo," I saw Jae from the door, bringing a tray. He's in his uniform already.

"Ya, you're so pale! Are you okay?" I saw him in panic. Yeah, I saw myself in the mirror earlier. Maybe I was just thirsty.

"I'm okay, Jae," I told him, trying to smile.

"Did your heart started aching again?" he asked, sitting on my bed, cupping my cheeks. Seeing Jae made me teared up again. Like I wasn't crying the whole night.

"Ya... Why are you crying?" he asked when I just bowed down my head silently tearing up, breaking down again.

I feel bad that I couldn't bring myself to comfort Haruto. I feel bad that he never told me anything about his pain, when I, willingly tell him mine. I feel bad that I'm thinking he sees me as the pitiful kid people are laughing at.

I feel miserable thinking I am no compared to the guy he's crying for.

He loves him. That guy named Junghwan. And by that, I know, I have no place in his heart.

And it hurts to accept that reality. When I know I have no rights to get hurt.

I hold onto my heart as it began to ached again. Jae departed from the hug to see me miserably dealing with the usual pain.

"Jeongwoo, we need to call your family doctor, I swear to God, this might be something serious," Jae said. I hold his hand, refraining him to do what he is thinking. No, I'm afraid.

"Jae... Please. Just bring me water,"

I heard him heaved a sigh as he hurriedly went downstairs to do what I've told him.

I have decided not to attend the class for today, I don't know if I can deal with this aching at school and it didn't help knowing I'll see Haruto.

I think I need to stop seeing him for awhile. I think my heart will keep aching if ever since I'll just cry miserably on my own remembering his words from last night.

I'm too weak to deal with that for now. I need to start learning how to unlike him—how I wish there's a way for that.

"Woo, I can't leave you. I'll just ditch the class for today as well," Jae told me still worried looking at me. I shook my head and held his hand to assure him I'll be good.