The Shattered Pieces

KABANATA 15

"B-blood... P-Papa...?"

Ilang segundo rin ang lumipas bago pumasok ng tuluyan sa isip ko ang bagay na nagawa ko. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mararamdaman ko ngayon. Sa kaba, takot, panghihinayang, lungkot, at maging...

Kasiyahan.

Ang tanging alam ko lamang ay ang katotohanang...

Nakapatay ako.

Hinayaan ko lamang na nakabaon ang kutsilyo sa kanyang likod bago ako dahan-dahang tumayo. My legs were wobbling so bad that I couldn't balance myself when I stood up. Sa nanginginig kong mga kamay ay mabagal kong hinatak ang kumot na nasa ibabaw ng kama ko at ibinalot iyon sa kanyang katawan.

I wasn't on myself, I know that. My thoughts were not stable as my mind was filled with what I have done.

Lumakad ako patungo sa kabinet at basta na lamang humablot ng damit na naroon. Isinuot ko iyon bago bumaba at umupo sa kawayang sofa na nasa sala. Hindi na ako nag-abala pang ayusin ang magulo kong buhok maging ang namumugto kong mga matang natuyuan ng luha.

I didn't know how long I was sitting on the sofa inside our house before I heard Tita Hilda's voice from the outside. With that, my eyes glistened with tears as my lips quivered.

"Hoy, Poresa, alam kong nakauwi ka ng bata ka, aba't!"

I was facing the door so I was sure that Tita Hilda would definitely see me the moment she went in. And I wasn't wrong with what I had thought when I saw how her face paled as her eyes darted at my being.

Nabitawan niya ang hawak niyang pitaka maging ang mga susing dala-dala niya dahilan upang gumawa iyon ng ingay sa sahig. Ang nanlalaki niyang mga mata at puno ng pagtatakang mukha ay nakatitig sa akin.

"P-Poresa..." her voice wavered when she called my name.

Mabilis na bumuhos ang mga luha ko nang marinig ko ang boses ni Ate. Agad na nangatal ang mga labi ko sa pagpipigil kong huwag humagulgol ngunit nabigo ako. Ramdam kong nanginginig ang buong katawan ko dahil sa lakas ng pag-iyak ko. Alam ko... Alam kong nagkasala ako.

That because of how badly I wanted to stop my agonies caused by Papa, I committed a crime. I was the one who ended his life. I, his daughter and granddaughter, was the one who killed him.

"W-what happened, Poresa? H-hmm?"

I know that she has already an idea about what had happened just by looking at her expression. With my looks and the blood on my hands, I know that she has.

I shook my head. I was shaking my head as if it will erase the part where I killed my father. I was shaking my head with my body's shuddering in fear.

"P... P-Papa... Ate... N-napatay ko si P-Papa..."

Kasabay ng mga salitang binitawan ko ay ang pagluhod ng kapatid ko sa sahig bago magsimulang magbagsakan ang likidong nanggagaling sa kanyang mga mata.

She covered her mouth to stop herself from crying loudly. Ngunit ang pagyugyog ng kanyang mga balikat dahil sa kanyang pag-iyak ay malinaw kong nakikita.

"I-inulit niya... Inulit na naman niya ang ginawa niya sa amin ni Mama..."

Ilang beses niyang ipinilig ang kanyang ulo. She was probably having a hard time processing everything. Kagaya ko...

"Jusko, Poresa... B-bakit..." she keeps on shaking her head.

"H-he raped me and Mama. Twice. It happened t-twice," I told her.

All I wanted was someone to save me. Someone who will get me out of my misery. Someone who can redeem me. It was someone who can reclaim me from being discomfort.