The Shattered Pieces

KABANATA 18

I left. But I bid my goodbye.

I never thought yet that I would see him this fast. I haven't achieve anything yet that I can brag about. I wasn't ready yet to face him. I don't have my reasons to tell him yet.

Yet...

I freaking felt my insides rumbling as I look at his eyes while he was staring at me in surprised.

His eyes...

The looks of it, made me damn weak.

His eyes that was showing the different emotions, dancing with longing but it also seems that he was... Mad about something? Were glued unto me. His pupils were saturated with angst and yearning about something I know but I don't want to understand.

Habang ako, while staring at him for the first time since the night I left, the agitating feeling and the thirst of looking at him this close, prevails.

Agad dumapo ang mga mata ko sa pares ng kanyang mga mata na ngayon ay nakatuon sa akin. Kung paano kumurap ang kanyang pilik mata ay animo'y dahan-dahan na sinusundan ng aking paningin.

This can't be real...

Alam ko.

Ngunit alam ko ring imposibli.

"I-It's been a... w-while," putol na ani ko.

Ang kaninang puno ng emosyong mga mata niya habang sinasalubong ang mga titig ko ay biglang naglaho. It became blank and lifeless and it makes my heart flinch a little because I know what could be the reason behind that looks.

I wasn't dumb. I know what he's trying to imply. He's trying to disregard what he probably feels and I know for sure that I shouldn't let my damn emotions to surface in front of Samuel.

Dahil alam ko...

I will only look pathetic and I hate it...

"Samuel—" sa mahina at malumanay ang boses na tawag ko sa kanyang pangalan.

The moment his name came out from my mouth again, I can feel the familiarity when I mouthed it. It was like I've been calling him in a consistent way that I haven't even missed a single seconds but I know the truth. Maybe the feelings inside me just want me to be like this. To feel exactly like this.

I tried to address him just how I did before but I failed when he suddenly raised his hand as the sign for me to stop.

Napatitig ako sa kanya ng mariin habang siya ay hindi ko mabasa kung ano ang gustong sabihin.

"Shane!" the man in front of me called someone's name.

Dahan-dahan kong pinihit palingon ang ulo ko upang lingunin kung sino iyon. And right after I settled my eyes at my back, I saw a woman wearing a white lab suit while smiling brightly as she walked towards us.

Nangliit ako.

She was pretty. Her hair that was tied up with a black ponytail on her back, made her look elegantly stunning.

The woman he called made her way towards him as her lips was curving into a soft and gentle smile that shows her pearly white teeth and made her shine through the rays of the sun that gives spark to her beauty.

Yeah, right.

Why would I even call him the way I did before? It's almost been a decade. Something's changed. At kasama sa mga pagbabago na iyon ay marahil ang pagbabagong iba na rin siya sa dating siya na alam at nakilala ko.

Alam kong may kaunting kirot ang gumapang sa puso ko at marahil nga ay kita iyon sa kung paano ko sila tignan na magkasama habang ako ay nasa harap nila at nakatitig lamang.