One-Shots [Boboiboy]

Hiding a Body

Summary: Blaze needs Halilintar's help to hide a body.

Halilintar glowered at the fire elemental through the door with murder in his eyes.

"You better have a good reason for waking me up."

Bless Blaze and his balls of steel for not running for the hills on the spot. If he were any less brave, he'd need a new pair of pants. But thankfully, idiots had less common sense than the average person, so he stood his ground in spite of the lingering threat of death hanging over his head.

"It's already five in the morning," Blaze reasoned. "You had plenty of time to wake up and freshen up for the day."

Halilintar's eyebrow twitched.

"It's five?" he demanded.

"Four forty-five, actually," Blaze chimed in. "There's still fifteen minutes left before five, but I think it's close enough."

Halilintar sputtered. "Four forty—never mind." He dragged his palm down his face, pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation. "What do you need me for at this hour? Did you kill someone and don't want to tell Gempa because he'll literally ground you for three weeks?"

"Yes!" Blaze yelped before Halilintar could react. "I may have—I may have killed someone with a flying chicken and I need help hiding the body or my chickens will get the salmon disease eating it!"

"What."

"Are you going to help me or not?"

"For God's sake, no!" Halilintar choked on air. "There's so much wrong with that sentence that I don't even know where to begin!"

"In my defense, they were attacking me first—?"

"With what?"

"They were yelling. Really loudly. Like, really really loudly. They scared me. And I, uh, may have already have the documents to fake my own death if needed."

"You—I—first of all! It's 'salmonella.' Secondly! Can chickens even get salmonella? That's besides the point. Thirdly, you killed someone with a what? Fourthly! WHAT DOCUMENTS?"

"Solar helped me forge them! I told him I needed to fake my death and he just reached into his stupid Doraemon-pocket of a drawer and handed me a full file with new passports, visas, IDs, backstories, fake family contacts and a moustache!"

"A moustache."

"I think Taufan suggested it or something and he was too tired to care so he went along with it."

"Of course it's that airhead—wait, that's besides the point! Give me that file!"

Blaze handed him the file before Halilintar would throttle him into Norway. He produced a file larger than his entire torso from the back of his shirt, and Halilintar looked like he was about to implode.

Halilintar snatched it from his hands and immediately went through the documents listed. Red eyes narrowed and lips pursed, he sped through paper after paper until he reached the driver's license.

"This—this doesn't even look like you," he choked, raising the card to reveal some random blond woman who's in her fifties'.

"She looks nice," Blaze admitted. "I think she's the type to make fresh cookies each morning and hands them out to children passing by."

"This is the headshot of a serial killer who killed 74 babies in hospitals back in 1974."

"Oh."

"Fine. You want to hide a body. What about faking your death? Are you going to move countries all the way to Alaska?"

"No? I talked to Ais about it. He says he can make me a boat that will send me directly to Australia. Duri on the other hand wants to go with me, and his reasoning is that he can make us food and scare all the vegans there."

"That's actually a compelling argument."

"I know. Taufan, on the other hand, wants to coin the cause of my death. He says his top one is about me dying a tragic death in a canoeing incident and starting a rumor about a chicken boy who haunts whoever feeds the ducks and not the chickens. The only way to stop the ghost is to sacrifice the collective blood of all the known duck species into the nearest chicken shrine to prevent it from cooking all the eggs in your house to perfect ramen soft-boiled state."

"Is everyone in on this?"

"No, just everyone but you and Gempa. But I need your help to hide the body, so I guess Gempa's the only one who's going to be left out. That is if no one tells him first."

"Tell me what?"

Halilintar wished he had a camera to capture the exact moment Blaze went ghost white. Forget faking his death, he'll dig his grave right here right now.

Blaze began choking on air and squelching on his own spit. "Not—nothing! Hey, how's the weather? It looks nice! May want to pack a snow coat or two, 'cause it's looking a little chilly, and maybe some sandals with socks too—"

"I heard everything," Gempa confessed, crossing his arms. Now Blaze looked positively mortified, ready to bury himself in front of Halilintar's bedroom this instant.

Halilintar felt a migraine creeping up his skull.

Blaze snapped back to reality when he felt a long hard stick shoved into his chest. He spun around, where Gempa was already heading for the keys in nothing but his bunny pajamas and fluffy cat slippers.

"Come on." He waved his hand, beckoning for Blaze. "There's a body we need to hide. Let's go before someone else sees it."

"Huh? HUH?? HUHHHHHHHH?"

Yep, there's the headache alright. Damnit.

Halilintar retreated to his room after the pair left the house. He fished out a whiteboard from under his bed and wiped off 2 off the board and drew a large circle in red.

0 days since last migraine

(As it turns out, Blaze did in fact, not kill anyone. Matter of fact, the guy happened to be Gopal, and he merely fainted because he thought Blaze was a ghost coming to haunt him for all his gluttony sins.

They learned this when Gopal stirred back to consciousness and asked whether if Blaze and Gempa were the demons greeting him in hell.

Thinking back, maybe they should've just buried him and gaslight everyone whoever asked about him.)