Meant To Be Yours!

Chapter VI

It's been a week since I saw Abdul, it's like he just disappeared. I know I shouldn't be bothered by it because he probably has his own life to focus on but I still do. I crave his attention. Zahra and I talk on the phone almost every day, she always asks about the kids and it feels nice to have someone to talk to when they've done something crazy. She makes me feel less lonely. I want to ask her about Abdul but I don't want to create false hope or seem too desperate. The few times that we hung out were nice but we left things in an awkward state. I was not ready to tell him about Oliver. 

"It's ok to ask about him", "What?", "I know you want to ask about Abdul so am saying, you could ask me about him. I'll always tell you". "I don't know what you're talking about". There was a chuckle on the other side of the phone no doubt she was laughing at me. "He's just busy with work. He has changed since the two of you broke up, becoming a workaholic", "Why are you saying that as if it's a bad thing?". "It is, he's not the same carefree brother he used to be. I try my best to connect with him but he has built a wall around him. I don't remember the last time I saw him genuinely smile or be happy. When he does it, it looks like an act. Amira doesn't notice it but I do. I miss the old us. I miss my brother, the one who was ready to do anything for us, you know", she sounded sad. "Zahra, everything happens for a reason", "Now that is one thing that I agree with. Look, Aziz is back from work I have to go. Have a goodnight", she said in a rush then hung up. Marriage life, I wished I had a life like hers. I thought I was going to get it, but then Oliver just vanished. I went to my babies' room, they were fast asleep already so I just covered them properly and then switched off the lights. I went to clean the living room.

It was almost 10 pm when I heard a knock on the door. Must be one of the neighbours. I walked to the door opening it without a care in the world only to reveal a tired but hot-looking Abdul in a suit. "Hi Nikki", "Hi. What are you doing here?", "I just got out of work and thought I should pass by and check on you guys. May I come in?", "Of course", I said stepping out of the way so that he could enter. He walked in, going straight to the corner sofa. I was beginning to think it was his favourite sofa. "Have you eaten? We have some leftover spaghetti?", I offered. "I haven't actually, I would love to have some", he said making me go to the kitchen to warm the food for him. I was waiting for the timer to go off when I felt his presence in the kitchen. I turned to find him checking me out, it was embarrassing considering I was wearing pajama shorts exposing my cellulite. "You look tired", I said breaking the awkward silence. "I had a long day", "How is the business though? I remember you complaining about it being too demanding", it made him chuckle. "It was, turns out school can make things super easy if you choose to concentrate on it", it was my turn to chuckle. I gave him the food, and sat next to him, watching him eat. He ate so fast that I was unable to process if he was a normal human being or a food-consuming machine. "I was hungry", he defended before I could say anything. I just smiled. "The food was delicious. Thank you", "You're welcome", I said taking the plate from him. "How are the kids?", "They're behaving", I answered with a smile. We fell into silent mode again.

"Nikki, I have tried to pretend like the past didn't happen but I just can't. I still have feelings for you, I want you", he said walking towards me. I was trapped under his gaze. I tried to form words but I failed miserably. He was standing right in front of me. I had to look up to meet his gaze which was on my lips. It was suddenly hot. "Nikki, please say something", "I don't know what to say Abdul", I chose honesty. It was the easy way out. 

Before I could process anything his lips were on mine. They were softer than I remember. My hands moved on their own accord, settling on his neck. I kissed him back, it felt so right. Then his mother's face crossed my mind. Accepting him meant accepting the problems that came with him. I couldn't go down that road again, I had kids now, and I couldn't afford to be selfish. I pushed him away, and he whimpered. "You have to go", "Why? I know you feel it too. Why are you pushing me away?". "Abdul, I can't go through it again, I have kids now for crying out loud", "What are you talking about?", he looked confused. "Your mother. I can't deal with her right now", "Nikki, we're not kids anymore, she has no right over my decisions, I need you to trust me", "You mean as I did before? Look where that got me". He looked hurt, and so was i. 

"Look, I get that we don't have a past worth going back to but I can't ignore my feelings for you. Nikki, I know you feel the same. I just need you to trust that I will stand by you and the kids. I need you to trust me, please", he said holding onto my hands. They felt warm and they made me feel secure. My heart was jumping with joy but my head was telling me to say no. I have no idea what the future holds but I know that he feels right. Maybe this is why Selena Gomes said the heart wants what it wants. "I still love you, Nikki, you are still it for me and if I can't have you then I'd rather stay alone. This feels right, this is what I want", he said looking me straight in the eyes. "Please be mine again", he said kissing the top of my head. "Can I think about it?", "Of course", he said looking hurt. "I have to go, thank you for dinner", he said kissing my forehead one more time then he left.