I was woken up by Tionne tossing and turning and crying in her sleep again
Tionne started having really bad and deep disturbing nightmares after her mom's funeral 2 months ago and she has been going to therapy but I can't tell if it's actually helping her or hurting her and I really hate when this happens because she's never the same afterwards and so I'm not sure how the rest of our honeymoon will go but I need to try to wake her up now
Me-(Kisses her lips)Baby(sweet soft voice)wake up baby(kisses her again) Tionne baby wake up my love
Tionne-(Eyes pops wide open and jumps up breathing hard) No!
Me- Shh baby, it's ok,your ok (rubbing her back and kissing her cheek)calm down and breath baby
Tionne-(Looks at me crying and trying to calm down)Baby it was real(still breathing hard and crying)
Me- Oh baby come here(pulls her to me and holds her)I'm so sorry baby, I'm so sorry(kisses her cheek)But I got you ok, your safe ok
I sat and held her,cradling her like a baby, with her head resting on my chest as I rocked her back and forth until she became back relaxed
I looked over at the clock and saw that it was 4am in the morning which was like clockwork because her mom passed right at 4am in the morning but they waited to call and told her dad around 11am in which he then called Tionne 3 hours after that
I'm not sure what 4am means but it's the time I'm waking her up from a nightmare and calming her down which takes sometimes 1 hour to 2 hours depending on how bad the nightmares are
I was brought out of my thoughts when I felt Tionne's hand caress my face in which I looked down at her and kiss her
Me-(Kisses her)Are you ok now my love
Tionne-(Tears up)I miss her so much baby and my brother, I really wish my dad was different and not had raped and beat us and got me pregnant and made me marry an ass hole and made me give up my daughter, and for Lamar to have made me lose my son,baby why did he have to do that to us,he caused my mom to get sick,and now she's gone and he knew she was the only parent I had that really cared for me and really loved me,and he took it all away (breaks down crying)
Seeing Tionne break down and cry this time was completely different from any of the other times she cried
This cry was a broken cry which hurted me so deeply because I couldn't take her pain away and make it better
She cried in my arms all the way til the sun came up in which we got a knock on the door but I told them to go away and I picked up my phone to call Ro and tell her that me and Tionne were staying in for the day
Me-(Calling Ro)
Ro-(Answer phone)Morning boo
Me- Morning Ro Ro
Ro- Somethings wrong,what is it Za
Me-(Sighs)Nightmares again and she's been crying now for almost 4 hours straight so I'm sorry boo but we won't be out today so you and your hubby go have fun and I will send you the list with all the activities on it ok
Ro- Are you sure Za, we could come hang out with you and help you with her
Me- No Ro I got her, I want you guys to enjoy your day ok,please
Ro- Ok boo, but I'm coming over before we do anything because I want to make sure she's good and you too
Me- Ro we are fine, I got it ok boo, and I promise I will call you if I need you, now go play with your husband and be big ass kids Ok, I love you
Ro- Ok Zaza and I love you too
Me- Ok boo bye
Ro- Bye Za
Once off the phone I just closed my eyes and started praying which always keeps me focused and strong to help Tionne
Once I was done praying I looked down at Tionne still crying in my chest and I just kissed her forehead and held her even tighter
Me- I got you baby, keep letting it out, I'm right here ok, I love you,we will get you through this baby
It was another 3 hours until Tionne finally stop crying
She then was just staring into space with bloodshot red eyes and a very puffy face and red nose from all the crying
Me- Baby I'm gonna get you a hot towel for your face Ok
Tionne-(Wraps her arms tight around me)No baby don't leave me,he's gonna get me,don't let him get me,please don't let him get me(tears start falling again)
Me- Shh no baby I won't let him get you ok, he's not going to get you, your safe because I got you here with me ok baby (kisses her forehead)no one's going to get you, but I need to clean your face ok, so I need to go get a towel
Tionne-(Looks up at me)Will you come back and protect me from the monster
Me-(Tears up)Yes baby I will come back and protect you from the monster
When she said that I felt my heart literally break for her and I knew then it was time to get her back home because she just had a serious mental break that she was no longer Tionne my wife, but she turned into a complete little girl again
I then hurried and called Ro crying
Ro- Hey Za what's up
Me- Ro (crying)we have to go home because Tionne is not well
Ro- Ok boo, I'm on my way to your room right now and I'm going to send Ruben to pack our things
Me- Ok Ro, I'm so sorry about this
Ro- No boo nothing is more important then getting Tionne better, we will have a chance to have another honeymoon, now open the door I'm here
Me- Ok(hangs up)Baby Ro's here and I need to let her in ok so sit over there for me(pats to her side of the bed)
Tionne- Ok(scoots over where I patted the bed)
Me- Oh my poor baby(crying putting on a robe and putting a robe on Tionne)
I then went and let Ro in
Ro-(Comes in and looks at me and hugs me)Oh boo, it will be Ok, she will be Ok
Me- Ro I'm scared(fully crying)
Ro- I know boo but we are going to be there to help you and her, now let's get yall packed and ready to go
Me- Ok(wiping my eyes)
I then got me and Tionne's cloths for the day and then helped Tionne get dressed and then myself and then helped Ro finish packing our stuff
I then called my parents and told them everything and so they will meet to pick us up from the jet once we land in which I called our pilot and explained everything to him and so we were on our way home
Thankfully Tionne was tired and slept most of the flight which I just sat up watching over her crying because my baby really had a mental break down and I have no clue on how to help her
I guess Ro heard me crying and came knocking on the door to come sit and talk with me in which I let her in
Ro-(Climbing on my side of the bed and sitting next to me)Oh boo come here (hugs me)She's going to be ok I promise Remember when my mom had her mental break, and yall helped us and she got better, that's all Tionne needs is love and care and she will get better too ok
Me-(Raspy cry voice)Ok, but why her, why my baby, so sweet and caring and who didn't do anything but be born to a sick man
Oh Ro who knows how much deeper her pain actually goes and don't you know she told me the other night before the wedding that her brother didn't die cause of a shoot out, but that her dad shot him cold blooded right in front of her
Ro-(Looks shocked)Oh no Za, how fucked up is that
Me- Really fucked up, and before she slipped into this state she told me he's the reason her mom got so sick and passed away from all the shit she was seeing him do to them
Ro- Oh wow Za I'm so sorry boo
I know this is new territory for you because she's now your wife but I know no matter what your going to fight to get her back and we all will be right there helping you
Me- Thanks boo(hugs Ro)You are the bestfriend/sister I could ever have prayed for, I love you
Ro-(Wipes eyes)Oh shit now Za don't get me started but I love you too, now you need to get some rest because your wife is going to need you to be strong and help her through this ok
Me- Ok boo goodnight
Ro- Goodnight
After Ro left out, I once again prayed while holding Tionne's hand and then I scooted close to her and wrapped her in my arms and went right to sleep
I'm not even sure what time it was when I woke up but Tionne was scooted all the way in the corner looking terrified which I hurried and sat up looking at her
Me- Tionne what's the matter baby something scared you
Tionne-(Silent and staring at me)
Me- Baby talk, tell me what's wrong (reaches for her hand)
Tionne-(Scoots back more) No! You tried to hurt me
Me-(Looking confused)No baby I would never hurt you
Tionne-(Shouts) Liar! Your hand was under my shirt
Me- No baby my hand wasn't in your shirt, it was around your waist I promise I would never hurt you in any kind of way ok, now come here please (holds my hand out)
She then looked at my hand for a couple of minutes and then grabbed it, but didn't move
Me- It's ok baby I just want to give you a hug,Can I give you a hug
Tionne-Yes but only if your nice, Are you nice
Me-(Fighting back tears)Yes baby I'm nice,I promise
Tionne- Ok
She finally comes close enough for me to hug her which I held her for a couple of minutes before letting go
Me-(Looks at her)See I told you I wouldn't hurt you,Did you like that hug
Tionne- Yes and thank you for being nice,Can I have another hug, I don't hugs at home that much except my mom when she's around
Me-(Tears falling)Yeah sweetie, you can get another hug
This time she came all the way over to me and pulled me into a very tight hug which made me cry in which she felt me crying and looked at me confused
Tionne- Your eyes are leaking are you sad and something
Me-(Wipes eyes)No sweetie I'm ok just tired(looks at my phone to see the time) Well it's only 1am in the morning darling, Do you want to try and go back to sleep
Tionne- But I'm not sleepy can I watch TV please (smiles)
Me-(Smiles back)Sure sweetie, What do you want to watch
Tionne- Cartoons, Bugs Bunny and Tweety
Me- Ok sweetie(turns on the TV and puts on Bugs Bunny)there you go, But get under the covers so you can stay warm ok,I'm gonna go back to sleep
Tionne- Ok, but can I lay on you I'm cold now
Me- Sure come here(turn on my back so she can lay on my chest)are you comfortable sweetie
Tionne-(Smiles up at me) Yes I'm comfortable, are you comfortable
Me- Yes sweetie I'm comfortable (kisses her forehead)
Tionne- Why you kiss my forehead (looks back up at me)
Me- Just saying goodnight is all
Tionne- Oh ok, goodnight (kisses my cheek)
Me- Aw your so sweet, goodnight
I then closed my eyes and slowly fell back to sleep
