So I know I should be in nothing but newlywed bliss like Ro and Ruben and that we should be in college right at this moment living and being happy
But nope, none of that is going on at the moment
Instead I'm trying to pry a grown ass woman who is mentally 7 out of the car so we can go see her therapist
You would think after 2 months this would be way easier, but nope, cause here we are
Me- Tionne sweetie please get out the car
If you get out we can go for some ice-cream afterwards ok
Tionne- No! Because your going to leave me in there with that man again
Me- Sweetie no I'm not going to leave you I promise
I just had to make some phone calls the last time, but today I will be there with you the whole time ok
Now please can you come out of the car
Tionne- Only if you really promise, so do you really promise
Me- Yes Sweetie(kisses her nose) I really really promise, now come on (reaches for her hand)
Tionne-(Giggles and smiles big) Ok (taking my hand and getting out of the car)
We finally made it into her session and as before I can't really tell if it's helping her or hurting her
But everyone is telling me to be patient and give it time
But this shit has been so hard because I really miss my wife and want her back but I know she's somewhere deep inside there fighting just as hard to get back to me too
Once her session was over I took her for some ice-cream like I promised and then we headed home
Once we made it home we went in and I seen everyone was gone
But I finally remembered that Ro and Ruben and Ja'kelton went out of town to visit Ruben's parents
And my own parents had a baby shower and dinner party to attend all day and night in which it just left us
Me- Well sweetie it seems that it's just us
So what do you want to do for the rest of the day
Tionne-(Smiles big) Watch cartoons please
Me-(Smiles)Of course sweetie, let's go get comfortable and watch some cartoons
So we went upstairs and I got us pajamas out and I helped her get dressed and then myself in the bathroom
Once dressed I turned on cartoons and laid next to Tionne at the end of the bed
We were laughing and having fun watching all of her favorite cartoons
But I found myself staring at her a couple of times because even though she's mentally 7 right now she was still so very beautiful and I still get weak from her sweet smile and deep belly laughs
It would just take me back to the days we really just laid in bed watching our favorite shows and movies and really be laughing like we haven't watched any of them a million times already, but we still laughed so hard and she would then find me staring and give me the most biggest and sweetest smile and I would then just grab her face and kiss it all over and then her soft lips
I really miss my baby
I was brought out of my thoughts by Tionne wiping my eyes
Tionne-(Wipes Za Eyes) Zaza why are your eyes leaking, are you sad
Me-(Sighs) Yes sweetie I'm sad just a little bit
Tionne- Why are you sad, did I do something to make you sad
Me- Oh no sweetie, you didn't do anything
I just really miss someone really really bad
Tionne- Oh, well who do you miss
Me- Well sweetie, I am actually married just like Ro and Ruben and mom and dad
So I'm missing my other half
Tionne- What happened to them
Me- Uhmm, well they are sick right now and so I have to wait until they get better
Tionne- Oh, well where are they right now
Me- With some very amazing people helping them to get better
Tionne- Oh, kinda like me huh
Me- Yeah sweetie, hey are you hungry
Tionne- Yes
Me- What would you like to eat
Tionne- Pizza!
Me-(Laughs a bit) Ok sweetie pizza it is
So I ordered us pizza and brownies, and soda pop
We continued watching cartoons eating pizza, brownies and soda pop
It was around 1am in the morning when Tionne fell asleep and I decided not to move her right away because I couldn't help but needing to lay next to her and run my fingers through her hair and caress the side of her face and tracing her lips with my fingers
This journey has been so hard, and I didn't expect it to be going this way after we said I do
I couldn't control my emotions and burst into tears because the worst pain is to mourn and grieve someone who's right here laying next to you
I couldn't help it,I needed to feel her sweet soft lips on mines again
And without hesitantation I kissed her Which caused her to stir in her sleep and put me back into reality
Me- Za get your shit together ok because you can't afford to break down and lose focus right now
Yes you miss her,but she needs you right now where she's at
You have to be strong and know you will have her back and soon all this will be a faded memory
I took a deep breath,wiped my tears and then got up and walked to her side of the bed and gently picked her up bridal style and moved her to the top of the bed and put her under the covers and kissed her forehead and then kneeled down beside the bed holding her hand and prayed
Me- Dear Lord, I know I keep asking you for strength and courage to help her through this and get her back to the other side of this
But Lord I miss her so much and I'm not trying to be selfish because I know she never expected this to happen to her
But Lord I pray you touch and heal those deep painful wounds she's carrying and pull her out this darkness and bring her back to the light which is herself, her life, our family, and me, please Lord
Only you can bring her out of this
Thank you Lord, Amen
I then got up, kissed her forehead again and turned off her side lamp and then went to my side of the bed and got in and turned off my side lamp and snuggled up to Tionne and went straight to sleep
