Once I woke back up I looked down to Tionne sweetly sleeping on my chest and just smiled and caressed the side of her face which caused her to stir a little in her sleep in which I kissed her forehead and held her closer to me
Me- Oh my sweet baby I love you so much and I'm gonna get you through this I promise(tears falling)and nothing or no one else will ever hurt you again
As I was in my thoughts holding Tionne and kissing her face the pilot came over the intercom to let us know that we reached our destination and that we are about to land which woke up Ro who came and knocked softly on the cabin door
Me-(Soft voice)Come in Ro
Ro-(Opens the door and whispers) Morning boo,how is she
Me-(Whispers)Morning and she woke up at 1am this morning terrified because she thought I had my hand up her shirt and was scared to come near me but I had to assure her that I didn't and I wouldn't hurt her and afterwards she wanted to lay on my chest and watch cartoons until she fell asleep and so we slept like this the rest of the night
Ro- Wow boo I know this is so hard for you to deal with but I promise we will get her through this together ok
Me-(Wipes eyes)Ok and thanks boo I love you
Ro- I love you too(kisses my cheek and Tionne's cheek)Ok now let's get ready to get off this jet
Me- Ok see you in a bit
Ro left out and so I started waking Tionne up
Me- Hey sweetie(rubbing the side of her face)wake up beautiful we're home
Tionne-(Stirs in her sleep)Hmm
Me- Come on babygirl wake up(kisses her nose)
Tionne-(Slowly opens her eyes and looks up at me and smiles)You tickled my nose
Me-(Smiles)I can do it again(kisses her nose)
Tionne-(Giggles)That tickles but I like it (gets quiet)
Me- What's wrong baby(caress her cheek)
Tionne-(Looks up at me)My tummy is hungry
Me- Aw my poor baby hungry, well let's get up so we can go eat Ok
Tionne-(Smiles) Ok
So we got up and I got our stuff together and we got off the jet
Ro- There goes mom and dad
We all then walked over to them where they were standing and waiting
Mom- Hello my babies(coming to hug us but Tionne moves behind me)
Me,Ro,Ruben-(Hugs her)Hello mom
Mom-(Looks at Tionne who was still hiding behind me)Tionne come here sweetie it's ok
Tionne-(Grabs on to me tight)No I'm scared(starts crying)
Mom- Oh sweetie I'm not going to hurt you(walks towards Tionne)
Tionne-(Backs up away from me and my mom) No!
Me-(Stops my mom)Mom let me talk to Tionne ok and get her calmed down
Mom-(Tears up)Ok, my poor baby is really scared of me
Me- Mom it's ok, She was just scared of me early this morning but we are ok now and yall will be Ok to, Just let me talk to her
Mom-(Sighs)Ok babygirl, give your suitcases to your dad so he can put them in the trunk and we will wait for yall in the car ok
Me-(Hands our suitcases to my dad)Ok mom(kisses her cheek)
I then turned around and walked slowly over to Tionne just standing shaking and crying
Me- Come here sweetie(pulls her into a hug)What's the matter, what has you so scared
Tionne-(Crying)That man's going to get me
Me- What man baby(still hugging her)
Tionne-(Points at dad)]That man
Me- No baby that's my daddy and he's a nice daddy and he's not going to hurt you ok, I promise none of us are going to hurt you ok, I really promise ok
Tionne-Ok but can you please stay with me and keep me safe so the monster can't get me
Me- Yes my love I will stay with you and protect you,You have nothing to worry about I promise (kisses her forehead) now let's go so we can go eat ok
Tionne- Ok but why am I feeling funny
Me- What you mean feeling funny
Tionne-(Looks up at me)My chest and stomach feels weird
Me- Like how weird(getting concerned) did you take anything(checking her all over)
Tionne- No I didn't take anything, I'm just feeling weird, You know when you like someone, that kind of weird
Me- Oh(wipes forehead)Now I understand and that means your in love or falling in love with someone
Tionne-(Blushes)Am I going to get in trouble for being in love
Me- Why would you get in trouble
Tionne- Because I'm to young to like someone
Me- Well your secret is safe with me, So no you get in trouble,Now let's go get on the car because I'm starving
Tionne- Yeah me too, uhm can I sit in your lap (Blushes)
Me- Sure you can(Smiles)
We make it to the car and I got in and then she sat right in my lap as she blushed and smiled the entire car ride to the restaurant
Once we made it to the restaurant Tionne was the first one out of the car jumping up and down
Me-(Getting out after her)Well looks like someone's excited about eating,
Have you been here before(taking her by the hand)
Tionne-(Smiles big)Yes I was here before for my birthday, Mom and Dad gave me a Powerpuff Girls birthday party and it was so much fun
Me- Wow it sounded fun, Did you get a lot of gifts
Tionne- Mmhmm lots and lots of gifts
I can show you when you take me home
Me-(Pauses and takes a deep breath)
Ok sure I would love to see your gifts (trying to sound excited)
I then looked over at Ro and she automatically knew what I was about to do and so we switched places, She took Tionne's hand and I ran to the bathroom to cry with my mom following right behind me
Mom- Come here my sweet girl(pulls me into a hug)
Me-(Crying)Oh mom, She's talking about her 7th birthday party which she also ended up in the hospital the same night from her dad abusing her and breaking her nose, 4 ribs and her ankle, And her dad lied and told them she was trying to be like her big brother and jumped off their staircase and that's how she hurt herself,
How could someone do that to a sweet girl like her,How do you treat your own child that way(crying harder)Mom what am I going to do, She's 7 years old all over again and is living her suffering and pain all over again
Just when my mom was about to answer me Ro busted into the bathroom
Ro- Za come quick
We hurried out the bathroom and to the booth I seen Tionne sitting under the table screaming her head off
Me-(Kneels down on both my knees) Tionne sweetie what's wrong
Tionne- I want my mommy I want to go home, Where is my mommy
Me- Ok sweetie it's ok,Don't cry, Come here(reaches for her hand)
Tionne-(Takes my hand)Please will you take me home,I want my mommy
Me- Sure sweetie but can you come from under the table and eat first and then I take you
Tionne-(Nods head yes)Ok
Me- Ok, Come on
I then helped her from under the table and hugged her tight
Tionne-Your squeezing me, I can't breath
Me- Sorry love(wiping my eyes)
Tionne-(Looks at me and touches my face)Hey your eyes were leaking again, are you ok,Did something make you sad again
Me-(Fighting back my tears)No I'm ok, Let's go sit and eat ok
Tionne-Ok
We went and sat at the table with everyone and ordered our food, Then ate while everyone tried to stay upbeat for Tionne and not worry her or make her cry
Once done I told my parents I will get an Uber and take Tionne to her house that thankfully is still empty because Tionne owns it now but doesn't want to live in it and was thinking of selling it
Once we got into the Uber I tried my best to explain to her about everything that happened but was having a hard time because I had to explain it to a 7 year old little girl inside of a grown woman's body
We finally arrived and got out and I unlocked the door and we went inside
When we got inside she ran right upstairs which I followed right behind her to her room
Tionne-(Smiles big)Yay! My room is all clean, Mommy always cleaned my room so daddy wouldn't get me,But he still would hurt me sometimes anyway (starts crying)I want my mommy
Me- Oh sweetie come here(pulls her into my arms)Shh it's ok, I got you ok
Tionne- Mommies in heaven now isn't she
Me- Yes my love but how did you know that
Tionne- Because she visits me in my dreams sometimes, I really miss her Za
Me- I know you do sweetie and I'm sure she misses you too
Tionne- Can we go to your house now
I don't like it here no more
Me- Of course my sweet let's go wait for our Uber
While we waited for our Uber we sat on the porch with Tionne sitting in my lap
Tionne-(Blushes)Zarriah
Me- Yes Sweetie
Tionne- Do you think I'm cute or pretty (blushing and looking down)
Me-(Lifts up her head and makes her look at me)I think your absolutely beautiful my sweet (smiles)
Tionne-(Blushes harder)Than-Thank you
Me- Your welcome, But what you doing all this blushing for
Tionne- Because you make me blush (hides her face in my chest)
Me- Aw how adorable are you, So what you saying, You have a crush on me (tickles her a bit)
Tionne-(Laughs) Yes I do(stops laughing) Is that wrong, Will I get you in trouble,
I don't want to get you in trouble(starts looking sad)
Me- Oh no sweetie it's ok to crush on me and no I won't get in trouble, But until you do get older(back to being Tionne) we can't do any big people stuff, like kissing or anything ok
Tionne-(Looks confused)Ok but why
Me- Because your 7 years old in the mind and I don't want to confuse you ok
Tionne-(Looks disappointed and sad)
Ok, But will it be ok to still get nose kisses because I love how it makes my nose tickle
Me-(Kisses her nose)Yes that is fine with me
Tionne-(Smiles big)Ok and Za
Me- Yes my sweet
Tionne- I love you (kisses my nose)
Me- Aw babygirl (kisses her nose) I love you too
Just then our Uber shows up and takes us home
Once home I got out first and then grabbed Tionne and carried her bridal style inside and upstairs because she fell asleep in my lap
I laid her in the bed and took her shoes off and covered her up
I was just about to walk out and close the door when she called my name
Tionne-(Soft raspy voice)Zaza
Me-(Walks over to her)Yes Sweetie (Kneels down beside the bed)
Tionne- What's wrong with me
Me-(Caress her cheek)What do you mean sweetie
Tionne-(Sighs)Because I'm only 7 but I don't look 7, Am I some kind of freak (starts to cry)
Me- No no sweetie, Your not a freak Your just developing is all(hating that I have to lie to her)
Tionne- What's developing(looking confused)
Me- Uhm, come here and stand up for me
She then gets out the bed and stands in front of me
Me- Ok so developing means to grow and because you are a female your going to grow these things(points to my chest)called breast and then you will grow these(points to my sides)called hips and then(turns around and points to my butt)and of course your bottom grows as well(turns back around to face her)So see your not a freak, Your just growing(still hating that I have to lie to her)
Tionne- Ok but why don't I see other 7 year Olds that's growing like me
Me- Because some grow a little slower but just know your special and beautiful ok(kisses her nose)
Tionne-(Giggles)Ok,thanks Za, Can I have a hug
Me- Of course you can sweetie(hugs her)
Tionne- I love you Za(hugs me tighter)
Me- I love you too sweetie(fights getting emotional)Well hey since your up want to go hang with Ro and watch some movies
Tionne-(Excited)Yes please
Me- Ok come on my sweet
So we went downstairs to the living area where Ro, Ruben and Ja'kelton(who was asleep on Ro's lap)was sitting and watching a movie
Me- Hey lovebirds, Mind if we join yall
Ro- Yes my loves come on
We went and sat on the couch next to them in which Tionne then sat on my lap and laid her head on my chest
Me- What's wrong babygirl
Tionne- Nothing I just like sitting on you I feel safe here, that's ok isn't it
Me- Yes it is ok(wrapping my arms around her)
We sat and watched 4 movies in a row in which I ended up baking cookies, making popcorn, ordering pizza and ice cream, and making chocolate covered strawberries
By the last movie both Ro and Ruben were sleep and so I gently woke Ro up and told her to go to bed
Me-(Gently shakes Ro)Hey boo, why don't you go get in bed
Ro- Okay boo, see you in the morning (looks over at Ruben)Baby come on let's go to bed
Ruben- Ok, here let me grab little man for you(picking up Ja'kelton from her lap)
Ro- Thanks baby(looks at me and then Tionne who was now sitting on the floor dipping her popcorn into her chocolate pudding I made for her because she didn't want any ice cream) Boo are you gonna be ok with her tonight, I could stay with ya'll and help you
Me-(Sighs) No boo, you got your own family to look after, we will be fine, I will come and get you if I need you
Ro- Are you sure Za
Me- Yes I'm sure boo, but thank you for offering
Ro- No problem, You know I got ya'll right
Me- Yes I do and I really appreciate it, and you know I got ya'll too, but go be with your husband and son, I'm fine
Ro- Ok then my loves goodnight( hugs me and then kisses Tionne on the forehead)
Me- Goodnight
Ro then went upstairs and to bed
Me- Ok sweetie we have to put everything away and clean up for bed ok
Tionne-(Frowns)But I'm not sleepy Zaza I don't want to go to bed,
Me- Ok you don't have to go to bed but I do want to get you cleaned up ok, and you can watch TV in bed until you fall asleep ok
Tionne- Ok Zaza(smiles)
For a quick second I blacked out because I couldn't believe how quickly this happened
I mean just yesterday we were riding on jet skies and now I'm literally negotiating with her just to get her in a bath and in bed like a real fucking 7 year old
I didn't realize how deep in my thoughts I really was until I felt Tionne hugging me saying sorry
Tionne-(Hugging me)I'm sorry Zaza I didn't mean to make you sad again, I'm sorry(crying a little)
Me- Oh no sweetie you didn't make me sad, I'm fine ok
Tionne-(Looks up at me with sad eyes) But your eyes are leaking again
Me- Oh no sweetie(kisses her forehead) I'm totally ok, just tired ok, now let's go get you cleaned up
Tionne-Ok(looking confused)
Me- I'm ok I promise, now come on
We got upstairs and I ran her a nice hit bath and put her in the tub and washed her up even though it was hard seeing her naked because I wanted to touch her and make love to her so badly but I had to keep reminding myself that right now she's not my wife but a 7 year old little girl
I finally got done helping her wash up and helped her out the tub and then oiled her down and then put her pajamas on and once I got her set up in bed with a movie for her to watch I then got in the shower and cried my eyes out because I was hurting for her
I was hurting for her being abused and raped by her father
Hurting for her having to give her daughter up for adoption
Hurting for her being forced in a marriage only for it to turn out abusive as well and causing her to lose another child
Hurting for her to lose her brother at the hand of her father shooting him and killing him right in front of her
Hurting for her to end up with someone who cheated on her all the time
Hurting for her losing the only loving parent she had
Hurting for her because now she's back at 7 years old in her mind reliving all that dark and sick shit every night in her dreams taking her further and further away from reality and me and I'm scared of not getting her back
I finally decided to get out of the shower in which I did everything in the bathroom so I wouldn't freak her out in anyway
Once I was oiled up and dressed and brushed my teeth, I left out the bathroom and turned out the lights and got in bed
Tionne-(Looks and smiles at me)
Me- What you smiling for my sweet
Tionne- Because you smell nice and look very pretty, Can I kiss you
Me-(A bit shocked)Well uhm thank you my sweet and sure, you can kiss me on the cheek
Tionne-(Blushes)No not on your cheek, Can I kiss your lips please
Me-(Not sure what to say)Uhmm why do you want to kiss me on the lips
Tionne-(Still blushing)Because when you was rubbing me I started feeling funny down there(pointing between her legs)and I still do
Me-(Flustered)Tionne sweetie(trying to keep calm)I don't think that would be something appropriate to be doing ok my sweet(fighting the urge to give in)
Tionne-(Sad face)But my daddy says it's ok to do when I feel like that down there,he makes it go away for me even if it hurts or I don't want him to
Me- I know sweetie but that's not ok either, What your dad is doing with you is wrong(tears up)Your daddy is not a good person or father for doing those things with and to your and your brother
Tionne-(Starts crying)I'm sorry Zaza please don't be mad at me
Me- Oh no sweetie(pulls her into my arms)I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at your dad for hurting you, So I'm not mad at you ok
Tionne-(Sad face)Ok, Can I go to sleep now
Me- Sure sweetie, You want to sleep on my chest again
Tionne-(Nods her head yes)Please I feel safe laying on you
Me- Ok, Come here(pulls her onto my chest)goodnight my sweet
Tionne-(Kisses my cheek)Goodnight my Zaza
She was asleep within 20 minutes unlike me who was up just staring in the dark after I turned the TV off because I couldn't sleep because of what just happened really disturbed me greatly because now I'm wondering how was Tionne with adults when she was actually 7 and how many adults actually touched her in that way
Me-(Sighs and begins to pray) Dear Lord (touches Tionne's forehead)Only you know how deeply her pain and darkness goes, But I just pray you will equip me with the true inner strength and courage to see her through this
Give me the knowledge and tools to help guide her back to her true self and please let my love be a standing point and safe place for her no matter what
Please Lord,Amen
I then pulled her even closer to me and held her tight and whispered in her ear
Me-(Whispering in her ear)I love you with every being of my body and will fight for you until my last breath, for better or for worse,in sickness and in health, I'm going to stay by your side,
I love you for life my Queen, my sweet Angel(kisses her forehead)I got you forever
And finally I drifted off to sleep
