The Unseen | JJK ft. KNJ

Chapter 4: Happiness

The weekends came by quickly. We would drop by the hospital once our classes were done since uncle Jinho would be awake at that time for his meal and medicine. On our 2nd day of the visit, the doctor in charge of uncle Jinho had informed auntie Seyeon that surgery needed to be done since uncle was already at stage 3. The cancer was growing and it was worsening if not removed immediately, because according to the doctor, the cancer was growing quickly. Auntie Seyeon agreed nonetheless because she could not bare to have the love of her life leave her and their children, especially their youngest daughter, Mijin, who was only 5 years old.

Instead of having my normal restless nights, some of them were replaced with sweet ones, and some of them had Namjoon in them. I did realize that if I did my night prayers, my dreams would be pleasant ones, and those helped me to get some rest, even if not completely. For the past few days, I felt much better. I mean, I rarely interacted with people, even our guy friends, but during those days, I could actually stand being around people longer than usual, especially around Namjoon.

It has been 5 years since we dated. We met through a friend of mine in high school at a carnival that we hosted. I never knew who he was, because I only focused on my life. Back then, boys didn't interest, now, on the other hand, is different, but I still find marriage bothersome, even if I were to marry Namjoon. It was the typical introduction because he continued to approach me in social media. Back in high school, I barely used my phone because my boarding school wouldn't allow it, but that didn't stop him from reaching me. We still talked every night with the old payphone that was littered in the school, but we had to be discreet because curfew was strict and because the wardens would do their typical rounds at night. Namjoon was very insistent on us talking, and to me, it felt like he was only trying to show off to his friends that he had a female friend, given his popularity at his school as a boring grade A student. It made things more suspicious for me because he was also in a boarding school, but for boys only. I tried to make the relationship we had loose because I was getting bored of him, and because I found him an inconvenience even if I found him a little attractive. After a year of being friends, much to my dislike, he finally asked me out when he came by my house. I panicked, obviously, because my parents made it clear that I couldn't date until I was at least 30. I had no problem to that because I didn't plan on getting married, even if I was scared of what God had planned for me. Despite my dislike of relationships, I actually wanted one, and if I had to admit, I was giddy that it was Namjoon. I agreed nonetheless, thankful my parents were busy at the back part of the house, because they would kill me if found out. 

The early days are always the best because I was going through experiences I had not underwent. However, there was always this feeling in me that made me think Namjoon was only using me and that he didn't actually like me. I got insecure even more when he started hanging out girls during the weekends, when he usually visits me. I tried to brush it off because it just meant he was expanding socially, I was proud of him, but the girls he hung out with and that were on his social media were much more fun compared to me. I didn't want to take it to heart because I kept telling myself that he was just using me, that I was his back up. I would throw tantrums often, saying how he was different, and that he was cheating on me, etc. I tried to find things to break off the relationship but he kept coming back. We got back together again and it has been improving more and more. I expected him to get tired of all the effort he was putting into because I barely gave as much as he did, I only did the bare minimum between us but he never once showed or talked behind my back how tiring it was. My feelings for him were fading, and I started to get bored of him and be interested in other guys. Namjoon would get jealous, of course, but he would talk things out and would apologize if he was not doing his best. It started getting suffocating because he just wouldn't break up with me. I told my friends about this and that I needed opinions. My friends were saying that I was being ungrateful and they even got mad at me. They even told me to break it off if I hated it so much, I told them that I've been trying, but Namjoon just wouldn't accept it. We even staged me cheating on him, only as far as to being lovely with one of his closest friends, but he still chose to talk it out about what was lacking.