tally hall incorrect quotes

agh

i am writing this while listening to the spongebob musical soundtrack

rob: i'm leaving for three days. zubin is in charge. i've left notes for each of you with instructions
joe: mine just says "joe, no"
rob: & you can apply that to every possible situation!

rob: for self defense reasons, i'm going to pretend to be a burglar and you guys have to act wisely.
joe, zubin, & andrew: okay.
rob: if you don't want to die, give me all your money.
andrew: bold of you to assume I have money.
zubin: bold of you to assume i don't want to die.
joe: bold of you to assume i can die.

zubin: rob just took the wheels from my heelys, i feel like lucifer stripped of his wings
zubin: i have to walk down the hallways like a common wench & i'm livid

andrew: can we go to a haunted house?
joe: what's wrong with the one we live in?
andrew: wh-what?
joe: goodnight, andrew.

joe: i'm well aware that i've accidentally set myself on fire & it's none of your business. i don't need your pity water either. let me burn in peace.

andrew: i'm proud to say i've come over my fear of ghosts!
rob: eyy, that's the spirit!
andrew: *gasps* whErE???!!!??

joe: how do people drown lmao just drink the water
zubin: ??????????

zubin: any idiot would know that.
rob: i knew that!
zubin: see?

rob: imagine how excited barn owls were when humans invented barns.

bora: hey, zubin. what kind of flowers do you prefer?
zubin: i like sunflowers.
bora, pulling out a bouquet of venus flytraps: well, shit-

rob: i wanna be a comedian, man. wanna hear a joke?
rob: what do you call a donkey with three legs?
joe:
rob:
joe: *sighs* a wonkey?
rob: no, you call it a donkey. its physical disability should have no bearing on how you see it. you monster.

zubin: FIGHT ME, YOU NERD ASS SLUT!
ross: at least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone.
zubin: oh, i'm sorry. i should ask; dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good bitch?
ross: somehow that's worse.

ross: truth or dare?
joe: truth.
ross: how many hours have you slept this week?
joe: dare.
ross: go to sleep.
joe: ...i don't like this game.

andrew: when you work at lush and a customer comes in and bites the soap because they think it's cheese... this happens way more frequently than you think.
rob: if you stopped literally presenting soap as deli food this wouldn't happen.
andrew: who goes into a bath store and thinks something covered in glitter is cheese?
zubin: who goes to the store and just takes a bite from the cheese?

rob: there are 10 kids & 7 chairs. what do you do?
andrew: have everyone stand!
zubin: bring three more chairs.
ross: the most important can sit.
joe: kill three

zubin: i have the sharpest memory here - name one time i forgot something!
rob: you left me, bora, and ross in a walmart parking lot at 2am a day ago.
zubin: i did that on purpose, try again.