tally hall incorrect quotes

1K READS SPECIAL (ft. zubin flower)

AAAAAAAAA!!!!!! TYTYTY!!!!!
a shoutout to the wonderful Pixelated_Manic for contacting me out of literally nowhere & offering to send me some quotes for me to assign the tallies to! quite based of them i must say. so some of the quotes you see will be ones they sent me!! anyway this chapter's TWICE as long as usual (around 1k words!!)
so enjoy.

zubin: i'm going to get myself some soup.
andrew: be careful not to burn yourself. it's hot.
zubin: pfft, i won't burn myself.
*30 seconds later*
zubin, entering the room: i burned myself.

zubin, watching andrew get arrested: be honest. are you not as shocked as i am that it's not me who's getting arrested?

rob: good night.
andrew: sleep tight.
joe: don't let the bedbugs crawl up to your ear and whisper threatening things that make you question yourself.
zubin: great, now andrew's crying.

andrew: just buried ross an hour ago ):
andrew: he's gonna be so mad when he wakes up lmao

zubin: i committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes.
ross: wow, i've gotta hear this.
zubin: i was angry & envious of my neighbor so i lazily seduced his wife & ate all his groceries & didn't share.
ross: you forgot pride.
zubin: no, i'm pretty proud of this.

rob: didn't you die?
zubin: that was an hour ago. things change.

joe: someone will die.
rob: of fun!

joe: whoops.
rob: whoops? whoops? this is not a "whoops" situation. we are far past whoops. whoops is a distant speck in the rearview mirror. we are solidly in "oh fuck" territory, & i expect you to act like it.

zubin: how do you do that?
rob: i'm fearless.
bora: i saw you run from bees yesterday. you flailed around & tripped over a chair. it was both hysterical & sad.
rob: i'm mostly fearless.

andrew: joe screamed "there will be blood" & punched some random guy in the face. so no, we can't go back to that bar.

joe, messing around: 🎵i can show you the wooorld... driving over the thruway🎵
rob, genuinely confused: are those the real lyrics?
joe: ...no??

andrew: i love knitting.
ross: why?
andrew: i can make a scarf, i can make a hat, i can stab your eyes out, i can make mittens...
ross: i'm sorry, what was that middle part?
andrew: i can make a hat (:

zubin: hey rob? do you take constructive criticism?
rob: not without crying!

rob: what did you guys get in your yearbooks?
zubin: prettiest smile.
andrew: nicest personality.
joe: most likely to start a bar fight.
bora: least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one.

bora: everything is a boomerang if you throw it upwards!

rob: ross won't trace it back to us.
zubin: are you for real? he traces everything back to us. he traces things we haven't even done back to us.

rob: STOP SAYING I KNOW TO EVERYTHING
zubin: i know.

bora: hey, andrew!
bora: can rob & i play fight outside?
andrew: yeah, sure, whatever, i'm not your dad.
rob: thank you!
andrew: nOT IN THE STREET!!!

rob: why can't dinosaurs clap?
rob: ...because their arms are too sho-
joe: because they're all dead.

*sirens going off*
rob, who has never done anything wrong in his life: they found me

andrew: ajskdhnenejkd
joe: how did you do that?
andrew: it's called a keyboard smash. you just press anything, really.
joe: 9

andrew: hey can i have those question mark stickers?
rob: why?
andrew: i wanna put them on stop signs
rob: ...only if i can help

rob: ANYTHING THAT COMES OUT OF YOUR MOUTH IS STUPID.
bora: rob.

zubin: try not to kill anyone on accident.
joe: i'm not an idiot, zubin. i know how to kill people on purpose.

zubin: what's the definition of a will?
joe: a legal declaration of a person's wishes regarding the disposal of his or her property or estate after death.
rob: c'mon, it's a dead giveaway!

person: can you tell me where rob's house is?
ross: yeah, for sure. you go down there, you turn left, you look for a broken down, stressed, tired man who looks like he's functioning on seven cups of coffee & one working brain cell, & you follow him.
person: & he'll take me to rob?
ross: that is rob.

andrew: justice is best served cold because if it were served warm, it would be justwater.

rob watching a group of people doing something dumb: oh god what idiots
rob, realizing it's the tallies: oh no those are my idiots

bora: what's your greatest flaw?
joe: i guess i put too much trust in autocorrect.
bora: oh, really? that's a new one.
joe: yeh, i gurss iy us as bjt.

andrew: so in your resume, it says you're creative.
bora: yes!
andrew: okay. may i know what you create?
bora: anarchy.

bora: how tall are you?
andrew: height is a social construct.
bora: so you're short?

joe: in my defense, i was left unsupervised.
rob: you were with bora!
bora: in my defense, i was also left unsupervised.

bora: hi! welcome to applebee's, would you like apples or bees?
ross: bees??
bora: HE HAS SELECTED THE BEES.
joe: *walks in holding a jar of live bees*
ross: WAIT

joe, holding a gun to the zubin flower's head: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit
zubin flower: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters
joe, cocking the gun, shaking: I'M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU

joe: i'm not feeling too well. i have this headache that comes & goes.
*rob walks into the room*
joe: oh look, it's here again.

andrew: what scares you the most?
ross: sharks.
rob: the dark.
joe: the unstoppable marching of time that is slowly guiding us towards our inevitable deaths.
zubin: joe.

bora: so what's your greatest flaw?
andrew: sometimes i don't listen to people because they bore me.
bora: that's not too bad; i do that sometimes too.
andrew: sorry, what was that?

kidnapper on the phone with joe: we have your friend.
joe: bora?
kidnapper: yes.
joe: oh, you don't have him, he has you.
kidnapper: what?
bora, standing two inches away from the kidnapper: hi!

rob: hey guys, i just invented a new word! plagiarism!