tally hall incorrect quotes

sorry lmao

note: some of these reference something only like 3 other people have read. if you know you know.
anyway i have been collecting these for MONTHS. i have many more but i doubt that collection will be added to. i don't have every conceivable incorrect quote but i do have most of the non-romantic ones that will work with the tallies. have fun ig

ross: good responses for being stabbed with a knife?
rob: rude.
joe: that's fair.
zubin: not again.
andrew: are you going to want this back?

rob: onion rings are vegetable donuts.
zubin, used to rob being dumb: sure...
rob: your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.
zubin: okay?
rob: lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake.
zubin:
rob: lobsters are mermaid scorpio-
zubin: jesus, that one is a little-
bora, interested: no, no, rob, keep going.

joe: i need you to come meet me, and i need you to come alone.
ross: and i need you to stop being so vague and weird.

zubin: you're charged with... breaking into a pet store?
andrew: i thought the animals might be lonely.

zubin: you disgust me.
rob: *eating a kitkat sideways* i realize this and i don't care.

bora: *walks to cabinet, removes oreo box, takes half a sleeve, throws empty box out* hi!
ross: hey- what are you doing-?
bora, shoving an oreo into his mouth: i am saving space :D

joe: i think it's time i get my life in order.
rob, narrating: but he did not get his life in order. in fact, he got drunk last night and fought a raccoon.

ross: what happened?!
zubin: do you want the long version or the short version?
ross: sh-short??
zubin: shit's fucked.
ross: okay, long.
zubin: shit's very fucked.

ross: seriously, joe, how many people would you have killed if we'd asked you to?
joe: that's not important
ross: I DISAGREE.

zubin: last night I found out ross is a sleep talker.
andrew: oh, really?
zubin: "the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell." right. in. my. ear. at 3am.

bora: where did you get that tomato soup?
zubin: it's actually a bowl of ketchup i just microwaved.

joe: uh, i think i got your lunch. *holds up a note that reads 'i am very proud of you. love, andrew'*
ross: oh yeah. i didn't think this was for me. *holds up a note that reads 'be good. for the love of god, please be good.'

joe: would you like something to drink? *he opens the fridge* we have water, milk, juice, spiders, dr. pepper-
ross: spiders?
joe: spiders it is then.
ross: no, that wasn't-
"but he was already pouring him a brimming glass of spiders..."

ross: andrew, remember when you said you weren't going to interfere with my love life?
andrew: no, that doesn't sound like me at all.

& to end it off... one of the most iconic incorrect quotes

*everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*
joe: so. who broke it? i'm not mad, i just wanna know.
everyone:
andrew: ...i did. i broke it.
joe: no. no you didn't. bora?
bora: don't look at me. look at ross.
ross: what?! i didn't break it.
bora: huh, that's weird. how'd you even know it was broken?
ross: because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.
bora: suspicious.
ross: no, it's not!
zubin: if it matters, probably not, but rob was the last one to use it.
rob: liar! i don't even drink that crap!
zubin: oh really? then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
rob: i use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. everyone knows that, zubin!
andrew: okay let's not fight. i broke it. let me pay for it, joe.
joe: no! who broke it!?
everyone:
ross: joe... bora's been awfully quiet.
bora: rEALLY?!
*everyone starts arguing*
joe, being interviewed: i broke it. i burned my hand so i punched it.
joe: i predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.
joe:
joe: good. it was getting a little chummy around here.