[Trigger warning ]
Sometime I think about killing myself when the drowning feeling get to much
Sometimes I can go days weeks even without the ugly thought
But sometimes it happens to many times in one day and I really think about it
I think about taking a shit ton of pills and slitting my wrist getting high as fuck then popping in the shower letting the warm water lull me to sleep one more time
I think about the emotions of people grieving my death and feeling like justice had been brought upon them by me because they never cared enough about me
I feel guilty that I feel this way because they are better now and worry a lot about me now
I hate it
I have always been the one no one worried about
I need them
And they were never there
When I attempted I was the one who picked myself up piece by piece I was the one who hugged myself while I sat sobbing
I was the one who listened to the hurt I felt when no one else did!
Why now do they care!
I want to delete all of my social medias give away all my nice things then in the middle of the night do the dead
I want to die
I don't want to hurt this way anymore
I don't want to think
I don't want to dream
I don't want to live!
I'm tired
I'm so tired
I'm Turning twenty in 8 days
I didn't think I'd make it this long
I need therapy
A long grippy sock vacation Even
I want to be held while I cry I want to be hugged cuddled
I don't want to be alone
I've been with my thoughts to long
I've been wanting to relapse these last few days
Instead I keep getting high
But the high isn't lasting
I feel like I am
Losing my mind
I just don't want to feel it right now
Maybe tomorrow but not tonight
This feeling makes me want to
Vomit
I'm going to bed
YOU ARE READING
One year
PoetryA situastionship. Just two people with bad communication and the fall out the growth anxieties obsession's depressions all of it put into words to help heal and move on
