One year

October 10th

Fuck i just wanna know why i am so sad all the god damn time my life is great
I have all these lovly friends
I love my family
I love the life i have managed to make
So why
Why am i so sad
I dont get it
I have worked so hard to make myself happy
Ive put so much effort into trying to make it
And i have in a sense
I hang out with my friends
I got out i spend time with my sister
I got a nice job that pays nice
I live my life
And i am still sad
What am i missing?
What else do i even want
I am so content with my life right now
So why
I dont get it
I thought things were supposed to get better over time
Am i selfish
For still wanting more
I feel selfish
I should be thankful for everything i have
Not wanting more
What even is more
I guess it would be you I think you would make me happy  If i didnt screw things up do you think we couldve worked out Or do you think we were doomed from the beginning
I really loved you
Soon i have to stop writing about you its already october I have to stop writing in december
God i hate this
I feel like this is the only thing that connects us
I dont want to let you go
You were so good to me
You loved me
Right
You must have loved me a little at least
I loved you alot and
i hate not being with you
I hate not being apart of you life
I hate you not being apart of mine
I hate that i am living my life and all the beautiful moments i am making you arnt in them I hate that when i am happiest i look over and think jack would have loved this I hate going on drives and seeing beautiful things  only to relise i cant ask you to take pictures of it so i rember it
I hate not seeing your face everyday
I hate not waking up with you
I hate not being able to sit in the same house just relaxing
I hate not having you with me
I dont like it Not one bit
I wish you were here with me
I know i lie
I know i am hard
I know i am not easy
But i swear i could have been enough
Not the best but enough
Sorry for doing this.
Its silly of me.