Thoughts, Memories and Dreams From Long Ago - A Poem Collection.

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Do you change the lyrics of some songs to say my name?

Because I know I do.

Do you think back on all the nights and days we shared

when you feel blue?

Do you think we could turn back time,

and find out the reasons why

we fell and grew apart

if we just try?

Because these doubts, they never leave my mind.

Day by day, night by night.

Do you remember when you left the classroom crying and I ran after you?

Again, I do.

You told me you felt shitty, and most days you dreamed of dying,

and I replied, tilting my head slightly:

"It's only three more years of school,

and then we're out of here for good.

And you'll be happy and content

like you now should be, my dear."

But I never got to see if this ever came to be

because I thought I should leave you by yourself.

I thought you needed somebody else,

to be your friend and grant you help.

But before I left,

I did some damage; that I regret.

Fights and falls,

screams and shouts,

all on me, all my fault.

I can see that now, but it's too late

to make amends, rewrite mistakes.

So I want you to know, desperately so, 

that I truly was a fool, to ever let you go.

For so long I was lost

and drunk on my failures,

that I became a sailor

in an ocean of sadness.

I spent all my days, floating in my sorrow

hoping that tomorrow

the pain would finally end...

What a stupid thing to think.

It didn't fix anything

to be away from everyone,

to drift alone in a lonely boat

under a blazing sun,

in the middle of the sea of my own tears,

slapped by the waves of my hurt,

consumed by my innermost fears. 

(And it only brought me more pain

to swim up to the shore,

and to walk back here again

to say these words to you, 

knowing there's nothing left to gain anymore).

It was no easy feat

To get back on my feet

But I managed to stand up

Legs wobbling like a pup

And with each new step that I took

I came closer to the truth,

that I had to say I'm sorry

even if you don't believe me,

and I had to say I love you,

even thought it isn't easy.

And I hope you can forgive me,

but if you can't, I'll understand

just please know that I'm trying

to become a better friend,

and to be there for you again.