This Year is My Year

No Night Shift

"Because, well, because of what Rick said. About me and how he always 'shared' with me."

My face twisted again.

"I don't think you're a loser, Eddie. That's...that's not why I'm upset." I tried to shift off his lap, but he gripped my sides, keeping me there. I looked out the window.

"Did something else happen? What did I do?" He took my chin, pulling me back to his face. He was searching mine, his soft, brown eyes panicked. I felt a lump rise in my throat again and tried to blink back the hot tears in my eyes. I smiled weakly.

"You didn't...it's stupid, Eddie. I'll get over it. It's okay." I tried to shift off again, and he held me tighter.

"Stop it. It's not stupid if it's upsetting you. What did I do?" He traced my arms, and I watched his new tattoo flex, feeling even pettier.

"It's stupid," I sighed. I tried to look away and he pulled me back. This was what he did when I had an anxious thought circling my head, unable to shake it. He traced my lips with his thumb. I was being unfair. "That story about Veronica bothered me."

He nodded, seeming like he understood.

"Because of how I let Rick hit on her?" I felt a surge of annoyance – how did he not understand?

"No, Eddie – you cheated on her."

"Oh."

It was his turn to look away. He kept his grip around me tight, though. I put my hands on his biceps, tracing his shirt.

"I just didn't know that...I didn't know that happened."

"And now you're worried I'll cheat on you?"

"No, no, Eddie, not at all," I tried to do what he did for me, pulling his face back to mine. "I just didn't...that's why I said it was stupid. I couldn't shake the story."

He looked at me in the eyes, putting his hand on the side of my face.

"I was a jackass back then."

His comment broke my anxiety and I smiled softly. He looked relieved and squeezed my side.

"I really was."

I traced the sides of his face and tucked some hair behind his ear.

"Sounds like it."

He grinned wider at my teasing.

"I was an asshole back then," he positioned me closer, placing his forehead directly onto mine. "I promise I'm not like that anymore. And I felt awful for Veronica. I was stupid and I would never do anything like that to you."

I took in a deep breath, feeling better knowing that he at least felt bad for her. He kissed my nose, keeping his forehead pressed to mine.

"I know you wouldn't. That's why I said it was stupid," I said, quietly. I felt even stupider than before, worried about something I didn't need to be worried about. I leaned further into his chest, resting my head in the crook of his neck. I felt his heart pick up as he kissed my forehead. "I'm sorry, Eddie."

~~~

I was relieved when she finally relaxed into my chest, letting me kiss her forehead. I was feeling better, but I felt awful about how the story that Rick told impacted her.

There were additional pieces to that story that Rick, of course, left out, but it wasn't really an excuse. Veronica had been my first real girlfriend, and even though she was always awful to me, and I'm pretty sure she mostly dated me for free weed, I shouldn't have done that. I hated that Y/N had even heard that story and could think those things about me.