Bad Company

One ꨄ

                                 Finneas O.

"Finny" a soft whisper begins to pull me from my sleep.

"Finny wakes up pease" light taps on my shoulder makes me groan. Carefully I open my eyes, squinting to adjust to the ray of sunshine peeking through my curtains. What the hell is the use of black out curtains if sunlight still peaks through?

I sit up, rubbing the sleep and crust from my eyes and when I can finally see I notice Billie standing in front of me. She sniffles lightly and I become fully awake and alert.

"What's wrong Bil?" I swipe away the tears rolling down her cheek.

She frowns, "has bad dweam." Billie uses the sleeve of her pajamas shirt to wipe the snot coming out of her nose. Ew.

I put my legs over the edge of the bed, picking Billie up as I stand up. "It's okay now, the bad dream can't scare you anymore" I softly rubbing her back, kissing the crown of her head when she rests it on my shoulder. She remains quiet, most likely not convinced.

"How about I make some banana pancakes? Will that make you feel better?"

I stop in the living room, setting Billie on the couch. "Wanna watch your cartoons while I make them?"

"Okay" she mumbles, I grab her blankie that I keep in the living room and wrap it around her. "Cheer up, bumblebee. I'll bring you a bowl of fruit if you give me a smile" I chuckle when her eyes light up at the mention of fruit.

Billie loves fruit, probably more than she likes candy.  She might actually prefer fruit over most foods which is crazy for how small in headspace she is most of the time.

I've been taking care of Billie since I was 15, a few days after my fifteenth birthday our parents decided to take a trip and just never came back. The day before they left my mom spent the whole day teaching me how to make easy meals, how to clean and how to get to school on my own. Even though they left they made sure to pay the bills every month so we would always have a roof over our heads. There was never any cause for concern because we got to school almost everyday.

I had to learn alot of other things on my own. Things got even harder when Billie turned 10 and she started getting bullied by some girls for sucking her thumb. I noticed that she picked up the habit but I didn't think anything of it until she started regressing. I had no idea what to do, I couldn't talk to the principal or anyone because no one was supposed to know we were on our own.

I managed to get in contact with our parents, they helped Billie and I get into doing school online. By this time I was close to being done with high school and I had a job so they stopped sending money for groceries and stopped paying for the house. It was a struggle to juggle my last year of school and a job. My first boss was not happy when I asked him if I could bring Billie along to work. He told me I had to either decide to be jobless or find Billie a babysitter. I had to quit and find a job I could do from home.

At 18 I was able to become Billie's guardian, don't ask how. Our parents handled all of the paperwork. When she got older, I had to have all the uncomfortable conversations with her about bodies changing and her regressing.

When Billie was 13, I met her now bestie friend Alana at a diner. She is actually the one who convinced me to put Billie back in school. She said she'd keep an eye on her and be her friend. I didn't wanna put that kind of pressure on a kid but she insisted. I am extremely grateful for Alana, she has made things a lot easier for me.

I just finished making the pancakes, I put two on a plate for Billie and cut them up into bite sized pieces. Drizzling on the syrup, I put the plate, her sippy cup filled with milk and her small bowl of fruit on a tray taking it to her.

"How old are you feeling today, Bil?" I set the tray in my lap.

"Mm dis" Billie holds up three fingers. So that means I'll be feeding her or she'll be a sticky mess.

After I feed her, I let her play in her room so I can clean up and shower. She still hasn't cheered up much since she woke up. That dream must've really bothered her, I would ask what is was about but I don't want her to feel like she's reliving it.

****

"Come on Billie, you're mommy will be here in like 15 minutes. I have to rinse the shampoo out of your hair" I sigh.

"No no no, wan mommy now. Wan mommy to do it" she grunts slapping my hands away from her.

"Billie if you don't let me get out it, it'll get in your eyes."

She was just fine a few minutes ago, she let me start to wash her hair in the kitchen sink but now she is fussy and won't let me finish.

Billie put her head up a little and screams. Shampoo got into her eyes. "Ughh" I groan. I turn on the water and do my best to hold her still so I can rinse her eyes. Then I rinse her hair, putting it into a towel.

Billie continues to cry, starting to get louder. "Wan mommy!" She cries, sitting on the floor.

I scoop her off and bring her to her room. Placing Billie on the bed, I go into her top drawer to find her pacifier. When I find it I hand it to her and she pops it into her mouth but continues to cry.

I pick up my phone and call Alana, begging her to hurry up. I have to get to work in a few minutes but I mainly just want her here to calm Billie down.

The front door opens and then slams shut, relief washes over me when Alana steps into the room. Thank god for her.