Die In California

12

Devyn's POV:

I had an episode. Of course I fucking did. As if my life wasn't fucked up enough.

JP helped me through it, taking me by surprise by how naturally he seemed to care for me. His arms wrapped around me, his chin on my shoulder and his cheek against mine. It felt like that was where I was supposed to be. It felt natural. Weirdly natural. But I liked it.

We spent the morning after the concert in JP and I's hotel room, the boys occasionally heading out onto the balcony to smoke while Ashleigh checked things through and planned our time in New York. I, on the other hand, just laid on my bed, trying to come around again. It was taking a while for me to recover from my episode, and it irritated the hell out of me, but there wasn't much that I could do except from sitting back and waiting for it to pass. It wasn't like I had much effort to do that anyway.

"You want a smoke?" JP offered as he stood up with a blunt resting behind his ear, yanking his black trainers on. I weighed up my options, taking a while to respond, before mindlessly nodding and following him out to the balcony in my sweatpants, hoodie and fluffy socks, my hood over my hair.

I curled up on one of the metal chairs, my knees to my chest, while JP sat on the chair opposite me, lighting the blunt up and taking a drag. He passed the blunt over to me after a few takes, and I stared down at it with a sigh. I shouldn't be having this again; I could easily relapse, especially with how unstable I was at the minute. But I was hoping it would clear my head, help me out of my mess.

I slowly lifted the blunt to my lips, taking two puffs then holding it in, before passing it back. I slowly exhaled, closing my eyes and leaning my head back as the smoke clouded around me. Oh, how I missed it. JP let me just take it all in, letting me take my time with each drag. I didn't know what to expect, since I hadn't had it since I hallucinated in the bathtub. Oh, such fun times.

"How are you?" JP asked after a few moments of silence, as we both just stared out at the view of Denver.
"Okay." I shrugged, not wanting to get into things too deeply. He didn't need that burden.
"Devyn, tell me how you really are." He spoke. It wasn't quite a question, but it wasn't quite a demand. I remembered, it was how JP shows he cares. Well, one of the ways.

I sighed and rested my chin on my hand, my elbow on the arm of the metal chair I was sitting on. I stared at the blue skyline, slowly trying to figure out how I truly felt. What was going on inside my mush of a mind? "I-" I trailed off with a sigh, already giving up on what I was saying. JP just sat and listened, giving me space. "I'm confused? Drained? Exhausted? Fucking messed up." I sighed, grabbing the blunt from him to take a long inhale.

"Is there any way that we can help?" JP softly asked, as if he was walking on egg shells. I just shrugged with a small sigh, having no idea how he could help. I didn't even know how to help myself. "I- I honestly have no idea." I quietly admitted, trying my hardest to not let it get me down. But it did. It always did. "I don't know what to do, JP." I whispered, my voice cracking. He reached over to take my hand in his, our hands dangling between us, and he squeezed my hand in his. "That's okay. We'll figure it out." He quietly promised.

JP and I sat in silence, finishing the blunt off then he put it out on the ash tray. The sky was still so bright and clear, people busily rushing down the sidewalks, while JP and I just sat there, as if nothing could hurt us. It definitely felt like nothing could hurt us.
"What's up, motherfuckers." Kells' voice broke the silence, making us shake our heads with smiles as he slumped down onto JP's lap. JP groaned at the sudden weight, before pulling his hand from mine to wrap his arms around Kells' stomach.

"Guys, we need to get going." Ashleigh called from inside, prompting me to get up and go over to pack my stuff - not that there was much that I had unpacked. I made sure that I had everything, then followed her down to the minivan waiting outside the hotel for us, quickly climbing in before fans could swarm. When Kells and the band stepped out, the girls went crazy. Ashleigh stayed in the cab with me, letting the guys get their minutes of fame before yelling at them to get inside. Once again, I was beside JP, but we were in the middle row, Slim, Baze and Dub being in the back while Kells was on the other side of JP. It was so that he could hang his head out of the window. Crazy, as usual.