Die In California

43

Devyn's POV:

Everyone always says that the period between Christmas and New Years goes by in a blur, and the days always merge together. But I never realised quite how bad it could get. Well, I did have an episode...

I don't even remember JP and the boys coming home. That being said, I'd woken up on the 28th, completely out of it and unaware of just about everything that was going on around me. This daze lasted up until the 31st, when I finally felt a little bit normal again, and had stopped seeing and hearing things that definitely weren't there.

Those lost days were spent on the couch with the dogs. I think I barely moved, not even for food. I felt shitty, I probably smelled shitty, but JP made sure to look after me. Casie and JP would usually join me on the couch too and put a movie on for me to 'watch', with Kells occasionally joining in to flatten us all with his long body. He could be a needy bitch sometimes, but we all still loved him for it. And at that point, I needed his clinginess.

I woke up on the 31st feeling much more like myself, in the arms of my doting boyfriend, with a small, sleepy smile on my face. The dogs surprisingly weren't on the end of our bed - a rarity - causing me to lift my head and look for them. They weren't even in our bedroom, and the door was shut. 

"Hey, pretty girl." JP's quiet, low voice startled me; I hadn't even realised he had been awake that whole time. Maybe I was still out of it? 
"Hi." I exhaled with a smile, turning in his hold to face him. 
"You okay?" He asked, his voice barely above a whisper in the oddly peaceful house, as a hand reached up to run through my hair.

I nodded with a hum and my eyes slipped closed again. I still felt weird, but I was okay, and I was better - always a good sign. "You sure? Like, completely okay?" He sounded so hesitant, and so unsure. It made me realise how much my episodes affected those around me.

It was never just me experiencing it, even if I was the only one seeing shadows, hearing whispers, believing things that definitely weren't true. Everyone around me experienced it too. They experienced me screaming, crying, staring, yelling at them for no reason. Really, they were the ones that had to deal with my abuse that was sent their way - since I couldn't exactly start a fight with something that wasn't there.

Suddenly, I was hit with an overwhelming sense of gratitude that JP had stuck around, and the others kept me around. They so easily could've left me behind, because of how many issues I had. But they didn't. And I don't think I'll ever be able to understand that.

"Thank you, JP." I whispered, pressing a soft kiss to his neck - the only place that I could reach.
"For what? Last I remembered, I ain't done anythin'." He chuckled, twirling a strand of my hair around his fingers.

"For sticking with me. You have to deal with so much with me, an' it would be so much easier to have just left me in Toledo, but you didn't. If anythin', you fucking fought for me to come to Cleveland with you. You could've had someone so much better, an' yet you still chose me. So thank you." 

I'd never heard my voice sound so weak and vulnerable before, even when I was on my deathbed in the hospital while nurses forced me to puke my guts up. But I still didn't know if he'd quite understand just how grateful I was to have him. I don't think words could ever express that.

JP's arms tightened around me as he pressed a kiss to my forehead, before letting a quiet sigh escape and resting his chin on the top of my head. "Yeah, it fuckin' sucks. An' it's fuckin' scary findin' you that way." He sighed, his hold tightening once again. "Especially when I come home to my girlfriend screamin' at Ash, and yellin' at me to fuck off, an' slapping me, whenever I tried to help." He added with a chuckle. I think it was to try and make light of the situation, but I never realised I'd done that, and only felt guiltier.