Die In California

3

Rook's POV:

"I'm hopin' you remember all that." Devyn's face appeared on the tv again, her voice ringing through the lounge from the speakers, after the collection of videos of us that had been taken throughout our amazing 3 year relationship. All of our important moments - our first date, her watching me drum for the first time, when we said I love you, our anniversaries, our birthdays - and the little things we did together that never failed to put a smile on my face - movie nights, goofy faces, play wrestling, tickle fights, dancing in the rain.

Shit, she looked so different now. She looked a whole lot more mature, even though she was always mature for her age. Now, she'd let her hair grow out into her natural dark brown again, embracing her waves rather than straightening it. She'd filled out her face a little more, her squishy cheeks now more defined, with a pretty sharp jawline. Her lips were fuller, but still turned up in the corners like they used to, making her look youthful as always. Her eyes were still huge and bright blue, but seemed to have lost their sparkle and her Disney princess look. Her hair was haphazardly tied up into a messy bun, and her skin looked paler and somehow thinner. She looked worse for wear, and it completely shattered my heart.

"Uhm... Hey, JP. Is it still JP, or is it Rook now?" She tried to joke, but I could tell that her laugh was forced. Her eyes didn't crinkle in the corners, her smile didn't reach the tips of her cheeks. "God, it's been, like... 7 years... Yeahh... Anyway. Uhm, how are you? I hope you're doing good. I mean, I saw a- a video of you on stage with Machine Gun Kelly when you first started out and- man, you're doing well for yourself. I really am proud of you JP, and although my life seemed to go downhill ever since then, I am glad I did what I did. You're having such a good time, and you deserve it.

Uhm, okay. I came here to explain the last few years, if I can even put it into words. I- uhm... I just want you to know what happened. I want you to know the rest of my story. And none of this is your fault, at all. I know you, and I know you'll feel guilty, but, fuck off JP. It's not your fault, none of it. It was inevitable, really, and I guess you could call it a learning experience. But please please please, promise me you won't blame yourself. It's not your fault. If anything, it's mine. I got myself in this mess, and I guess I'm getting myself out of it..."

As I watched Devyn, I noticed the way she kept looking down at her hands, fiddling with things, fidgeting. She was on edge, and avoiding eye contact - as if she was guilty herself. I caught the undertone in her voice, noticing how there was a double meaning to what she was saying, but I was refusing to jump to conclusions. I was refusing to actively think what was in the back of my mind. If I thought it properly, it would make it more real, and more possible. I wasn't about to do that.

"Alright... here it goes. So, after you went to Cleveland, I carried on in high school, but then about two months after you left, my mom, she- uhm, she died. It was so sudden. She had cancer, and she'd been battling it for a while, but only dad knew. That's why it was so sudden. She had skin cancer for about 3 years I think, before it finally took her..." My heart sank. Holy shit. There was no way Jodie died, no way. It wasn't possible. She was supposed to live to see her grandkids!

She made the best roast dinner ever, fuck. She used to make adorable little packed lunches for Devyn and I to take to school whenever we stayed over at hers, compared to the lunch money my parents used to give us when we stayed at mine. She took us on fun adventures, babied us like no one else. Fuck, she was the best mother ever. I mean, my mom is also the best, obviously, but she was different.

She was like a soccer mom, but to a tomboy daughter who had absolutely no interest in soccer whatsoever. She was the fun mom, just like mine, but she was one of those moms who were always prepared, always neat and tidy, the perfect mom - you get me? There was no way something so malicious could take such an innocent, valuable soul. It's not possible, and definitely not fair.