Die In California

66

Rook's POV:

"Alright, I know you won't wanna talk about this again, but just one more conversation. Please. That's all I want, then I'll put it to rest, and we can move on. Please." I was at the point of begging as I all but cornered Devyn in our bedroom.

It had been a long day at Universal Studios, and a bittersweet goodbye to my family and Casie. My parents and Cole were flying to Cleveland with Casie, to drop her off at her mom's before driving back up to Toledo. They promised to text me when they got there, and in return Cole made me promise to send him more videos of the dogs. I was sad to see them leave, but was grateful for the alone time it gave me with Devyn.

Devyn had gone straight up to our bedroom once we got back from having food and dropping everyone off at the airport. This time I had to go in her car with her, and she drove in silence as Kells and I chatted about our day, and Kells gushed over his adorable daughter. She kept her eyes ahead on the road, and a blank expression on her face.

"I- I don't know how much longer I can go through all this." She looked up at me from her place on the bed with a weak, defeated expression. She was doodling in her sketchbook, and from my spot in the doorway, it looked like a couple of rings. Maybe the same one, just from different angles.

"I know." I nodded in understanding, and cautiously sat on the edge of the bed as she scrambled to shut her sketchbook and drop it onto the bedside table. "Look, I'm sorry. 'M sorry for goin' over this so many times, 'm sorry for gettin' bitchy about it, 'm sorry if I've made you feel shit."

Apologising like that really was quite hard for me; I believed in almost everything that I'd said, and I believed in what I was arguing for. But as much as I wanted to stand for what I believed in, the last thing I wanted to do was hurt my girl. I didn't want to hurt Devyn, and I definitely didn't want to lose her - which seemed to be the road I was heading down.

Devyn looked up at me with a small smile, and slowly nodded her head. Even if she was still trying to appear cold and distant (to protect herself), I could see the appreciation in her blue eyes, which was enough for me.

"I- I guess I owe you an apology too-"
"No, don't do this." I interrupted her quiet voice with a shake of my head. I didn't want her to bring herself down to my shitty level; she didn't deserve that.

"Shut up and let me say sorry." She playfully glared at me, making a smile instinctively form at the sight of the old Devyn slowly beginning to creep back to me. "'M sorry for being a bitch to you, an' for not properly explainin' myself. I expected you to just be okay with it, because I was selfish and didn't want to go through it again. It was wrong of me to be so harsh on you."

"I appreciate it." I smiled and shyly reached over to squeeze her hand. I still didn't know quite where we stood anymore, since I knew I still wanted to bring something else up that may not go down well with Devyn. And I wasn't sure if I was entirely forgiven; Devyn still seemed to be a little defensive, to protect herself.

I took a breath and roughly rubbed at the back of my neck as I thought of how to word my thoughts - I wasn't exactly a wordsmith. I didn't want to bring up old shit, and wanted to be as calm as possible. But I didn't know how long it would take until that civil discussion became an argument, as this topic seemed to be so sensitive.

"I-uhm... I've done some reading up on pregnancy with psychosis and schizophrenia-" At the mention of those illnesses, Devyn's body instantly tensed up. She knew exactly what she had, but she refused to have the diagnosis confirmed.

"-They, uhm, doctors say to be prepared for the mother to be in the hospital for some time. A long time. It could be from the first few weeks of pregnancy until a few months after, or maybe longer. It could even be years."