❛. 𝑪𝑰𝑻𝑴 ⸻ ᴛᴜᴘᴀᴄ ꜱʜᴀᴋᴜʀ . ❜

⋆┊❛𝙋𝙃𝙊𝙉𝙀𝘾𝘼𝙇𝙇𝙎❜┊⋆

August 14, 1993
Brooklyn Ny
St James pl.

I was a fool forever thinking Tupac wanted me. From not a word from him about my birthday to now with reading a newspaper about some sex tape they found. The sex tape wasn't out but there were pictures of him a member from digital underground who he was working with it. A girl named Desiree but her last wasn't discredited since it was kinda under john doe. Either way, the pictures showed her face and it was cute. The picture was censored with a black cube but other than that everything was out and I didn't like it.

I was pissed. More so just annoyed. I really didn't want to be surprised with something like this from him. But it was fine it wasn't such a big deal as I reminded myself that he could do whatever he wanted. It just fucked with my head when I had to see it.

I continued to eat my cereal as I sighed. I tossed the newspaper over and eyed my happy singing mother as she sat on the couch watching television. I rolled my eyes as nothing came from it nor my stares did anything to catch the women's attention. She was so busy on her t.v. and laughing that she didn't even notice that I existed. I wish I had that mood, not paying attention to my surroundings and just ignoring people in all. It was a comfort that I so badly wanted. I wanted so much to feel unbothered.

"Mom," I called out as she was chewing on some crackers. Again she ignored me and continued watching her television. I let out a wide sigh before I decided to finish my breakfast a little early instead of sitting there in my chair and mopping around at the magazine about pac and his groupies I decided to do something with myself and throw the trash paper away. When I threw it away I felt so accomplished like I was taking my own advice and never talking to him again after I read that was on that stupid shit. I was not doing this because I was mad I was doing this simply because I didn't want to be passed like the others he had. Not telling what he could have caught fucking with those California girls. The thought of him fucking them and then coming back to me didn't sit right. I felt a little disgusted like I had no value in myself. Either way, this was a good sign. Another good sign was him not even calling and saying happy birthday to me. Instead of doing that he was having the time of his life in Cali. I knew I was stupid for following that shit. The caring doing whatever you wanted shit. Sure he was a sweet guy but damn he was a hoe by heart and that was not something I was down to deal with. It was a waste of time having something another woman enjoyed. The more I thought of it though....the more I started to get mad, even when I promised I wasn't my jealousy of me really dug up, and just imagined him ditching my birthday to make a sex tape. I don't know exactly when it was made but it still hurt. I guess?