❛. 𝑪𝑰𝑻𝑴 ⸻ ᴛᴜᴘᴀᴄ ꜱʜᴀᴋᴜʀ . ❜

⋆┊❛𝙄𝙉𝙎𝙀𝘾𝙐𝙍𝙀❜┊⋆

October 4, 1993

No placement

Halloween was up in its spirits, so much so that I couldn't celebrate the holiday for myself. It saddened me and irked me entirely, I had a religion to withhold though and that meant no participating in something so enhanced but this came from the woman who let her son knock up a girl and sell drugs. You get how backward following shit goes, and the person who pulls the rules always had that hope in another child to follow it. Sure I followed behind and made sure I didn't get the urge to celebrate it but it killed me that girls my age could do so, that they could hang pumpkins up and dangle them around. Crave weird faces on them and put candles inside. It killed me, it seemed so fun. Especially when you did it with your family.

I could never do that, well when I was here with my mom and my other family in Cali though, I could easily do it with them making jokes, not taking the whole thing seriously, having fun, and easily celebrating with Rachelle and some of my other friends there, but here nothing was happening for me, no holidays, no nothing. With no school installed for me anymore, I was awaiting, awaiting for my diploma in the mail and for a letter from my own family who were in a different city. I awaited a letter from pac too but he seemed busy, busy with his own life back in LA along with the rest. I don't know the more I lay around doing nothing the more it killed me to what I had prepared next, I would sometimes go around and sight seeks around Brooklyn to pass more time but the more I did the more lonely I became. My mom was doing shift again, so she didn't have time for me. My brother was in the studio working his ass off, so the only time I really got out of my lonely state was when I was babysitting. Jan came around some but too much, I could tell something was off but she wasn't saying it out loud for the world.