Wherever You Go

Chapter 3

"Answer if you want Hazan. Your family will be worried. " Yagiz said softly and she looked at him with sad eyes. "But.. he continued.. "Please do not tell me anything about anything. Right now only you know where I am in Turkey. Calls have come in nonstop; I guess there is some catastrophe again. I cannot switch off because I am awaiting calls from US. Please do not tell me anything Hazan, there is nothing I can do for anyone anyway. I can only bring more misery and disgrace for them. They are better off without me".

His voice was pleading and Hazan whose hands were hovering over the phone immediately removed them. His tired and defeated tone was like a twisting knife inside her heart. His entire life has been spent sorting out issues of the family. The endless sacrifices he had made on behalf them and the way they always took him for granted always made Hazan angry. Now he seems a broken man, sitting again with his eyes closed, his head resting against the chair. Stubble has grown all over his usually neatly trimmed face and dark purplish circles circled his beautiful eyes. His cloths were clean and immaculate as usual but you could say that they have been worn for a long time. Love and sympathy welled in her at the sight of him. I am also responsible for this, she told herself for the millionth time. Just as Farah said her stupidity and childish belief that she was protecting him may have made her lose him forever.

Hazan quietly gets up and walks to the small kitchenette of the apartment. She cannot look at Yagiz suffering like this. She was also afraid of the conversation that was about to follow and wanted to postpone it as much as possible. The first thing she finds is a top quality coffee maker and despite everything she smiles to herself, remembering their extensive history with coffee and coffeemakers. Hazan knows exactly how Yagiz loves his coffee, and she gets the machine going. The deal for the apartment obviously comes with a stocked kitchen, for she finds the refrigerator full of foods and drinks that a tenant would need. Too jumpy and keyed up to actually cook anything, she put together a hasty sandwich with ham and cheese, praying that Yagiz will at least eat few bites.

Yagiz knows that he should start the conversation. After all he had said that he is ready to believe in them, but he really doesn't know how. He always prided himself about his confidence and ability to stay calm through any situation. But he knows how weak and helpless he is in front of Hazan, even when he was genuinely disappointed in her behavior and feeling very hurt. From the day they met under unfortunate circumstances, he had been under her spell, like a helpless moth flying in to a burning flame. The rich aroma of coffee finally penetrates his brain, waking up his brain cells. His eyes fly open to see Hazan placing a coffee mug and a sandwich in front of the law coffee table in front of him, her hair, uneven from where she cut earlier in the day falling into her face like a thick curtain. Their eyes meet and her eyes are soft and pleading, and her voice barely audible.

"Yagiz will you please eat something?"

" I will drink the coffee" he is about to reach for the cup when she swipes it out of his reach.

"After you eat something" she says, her voice still faint, but stronger now. Yagiz stares at her again, infinite love and hurt twisting in his heart, as always between them. Out of energy to argue any differently he breaks the sandwich in two, pointing the other half to her. Hazan looks she was about to refuse, but perhaps out of fear of him not eating, accepts it with shaking hands. They eat in silence, hardly aware of what they are eating and drinking, preoccupied in their own thoughts. Yagiz glances at the wall clock of the apartment and notices it is almost 8 in the night. Precious minutes are ticking away and they are just dancing around each other. He sighs and mentally squaring his shoulders, the time has come and there is nowhere to hide but to face this too. He waits patiently until Hazan return from the kitchen.

" Hazan" "Yagiz" they say at the same time again and shake their heads incredulously . Hazan bites her lip and gestures him to go on.