Wherever You Go

Chapter 5

"Yagiz, please I will not bother you in anyway. Please let me come with you, even if you do not love me anymore, you cannot hate me so much if you came to see me today after everything. I do not want anything from you, just take me with you. If you ever decide that you do not want me I will not bother you. You know that I keep my word. Please Yagiz." Yagiz was in a world of pain. He hated to see her suffering, pleading and helpless, even with him. But his wounded heart kept saying that she betrayed him, together with them. When it was she who could have saved him from all this pain. 

He could not but feel a tiny little bit excited over the fact that Hazan wants to drop everything she held dear for him. The possibility of being with her, without any of the toxic elements that constantly ruined their lives. He shakes his head violently, because she is still talking and he cannot make out what she is saying. Yagiz knows Hazan, probably better than even she knows herself. She has made up her mind and if he leaves her now, she will try to follow him on her own. He shudders to think the kind of dangers awaiting an inexperienced person like her in the States. He knows that his mind will never be at peace knowing that. Despite her insistence Yagiz actually did not believe that she could last long there even with him. She doesn't know it yet, and she believes that she can take it. But he was not a nice character when he was disappointed and lost trust in someone. Even if that person is Hazan, who so far changed everything that he believed he was before. Let her find out the hard way, he thinks.

Hazan watches his face going through many emotions at once and does not know what to conclude. He was always extremely hard to read. She has actually nicknamed him the "refrigerator". Come to think of it, he was even a little bit open only with her. She has seen him shut down people with just one look. Yagiz lift his head and looks directly at her in a sharp, probing look. His green eyes are so intense with many emotions leaving her breathless and unable to look directly at him. But she holds on, even though after few seconds she feels like she might faint. Her heart beating so fast that Hazan is sure he can hear it. She knows it is important to hold on, she doesn't know why. When he finally breaks the gaze she collapse in the seat, going all the way back on the couch, feeling actually unwell. He seemed rattled too, for his hand seems to be shaking when he dials the phone and put it on speaker phone. It is to his lawyer in US. Putting him on speakerphone Yagiz stoically explains that his 'friend' wants to come to live in states with him and inquires what are the quickest ways of obtaining a visa and what category. Ever the practical person he wants all possible avenues checked and he does not want Hazan inconvenienced any way and kept hanging in the middle after they go there. Hazan moves back to the edge of the seat, her hopes rekindling a little bit. 

The lawyer questions Hazan on her experience and education and background in English, which she answers in subdued but firm English. Yagiz looks at her and raises his eye brows, there are things he doesn't know about her after all, he never knew she could speak such good English or that she was partly qualified in teaching as well. That and she was a traitor, his mind reminds him, savagely. The lawyer concludes with a somewhat bleak picture. With her lack of experience and travel history, it will be a difficult process for her to obtain visa which will take an indefinite amount of time, even sponsored by Yagiz, as a citizen. However at the end he delivers in a deadpan voice that as a long standing citizen if Yagiz is married to 'someone' and can produce evidence, it will be a matter of mere months for the resident visa to arrive and clicks off.

 Absolute silence in the apartment makes both their heavy breathing audible to each other. Both of them looking everywhere but at each other. Yagiz's eyes wander around the apartment and finally, as always lands on her, but not on her face. Hazan is biting hard on her lower lip, the lip turning red and ripe from the pooling blood. The mere sight of it accelerates Yagiz's heart rate further and his lips parts involuntarily as well. He looks at her lips until he think he will go insane when she suddenly gets up and move towards him as if in a trance. She finally stops mere inches from him, still too close for his comfort. She sits on the floor in front of him, to reach his eye level. He moves slightly away to avoid her sitting at his feet and more accurately to escape the warmth that is coming from her. The large black pools, that are her eyes glittering while she looks at him earnestly.