Wherever You Go

Chapter 37

Hazan glance up at him and their eyes meet. Despite the entire crowd's attention being on them and the cameras on their face, the dejected and tired desolation in his eyes make Hazan step closer and hug him. He hugs her back, tightening his arms around her, leaning on to her as if he is drowning. Hazan could hear people gasping and murmuring, camera flashes going off like fireworks.

" I am so sorry about your father Yagiz" Hazan says softly, not looking at his eyes, as she detach herself gently. She could see Yagiz softly nodding his head, acknowledging her words. He stuck to her side throughout the ceremony. But they didn't have time to speak a single word. Even if they did, Hazan didn't know what they could talk. Their previous conversations were arguments. She was unhappy about his behavior and he was mad about the photo with Sinan. 

The real issues lying between them have not even been talked about. It was a total mess and the environment was not suitable for any talking. After the ceremony they were separated when they read the prayers, him with all males and her with Ece and the other ladies. Her headache was getting worse and she wanted to leave. Ece was also keen to leave, since Ozuger was fussing at home. She didn't want to leave without telling Yagiz and she peeked into the room where everyone was. But she couldn't see him anywhere.

"Are you looking for Yagiz?" she turns at Sinan's voice. It is subdued, but his eyes held his usual cocky and sarcastic look. Hazan nods wordlessly, too tired and keyed up to start any verbal sparring with him.

"He left a while ago. I thought he must have gone with you" Sinan says with a smug face and Hazan has to clench her hands to avoid being physically violent with him. Some people never change, she thought on her way to Ece's house. Yagiz disappearing without telling her made her upset than it should. He breezed in suddenly and was beside her for the entire world to see and did not care to tell her before he went off? What does this mean? That he is still angry with her? 

His anger cannot even come close to the anger and disappointment that she was feeling. And humiliation too. Hazan was determined to do the right thing this time, even if it kills her own heart. She had made herself a joke by pushing Yagiz against a wall demanding he marry her. He did and look where they are now. 

They had a nice red book with their pictures to show, but they were further apart than they were in that hotel room a little over a one year ago. For Hazan, the crunch time was getting near. Just one and half weeks were remaining from her 6 week break and she has not arrived at any decision. 

It was too late to back out from the job at Unita since they will not be able to find someone at such a short notice for the upcoming catalogue shoots and publications. She had to return to USA and remain there at least for another 5 months, during which she hoped to make the decision about her future. It was crystal clear that there is no meaningful future for her in Turkey, at least in Istanbul. But her family was here and there was no meaning living abroad alone either.. unless Yagiz was with her. Hazan sighed. Not the way they are together now. She thought she could do it before. But it was too painful and she was most definitely holding back his life by just being there. 

She could not decide whether she should spend couple of more years in US, earn some money and return here and hope the dust to be well and truly settled by then. It was too chaotic and painful to dwell on. Hazan heard her phone ring and was startled to find it was Yagiz calling her. Almost a week has elapsed since Mr. Hazim's funeral and she hasn't either heard from or seen him. She was too hurt and upset to call him, feeling she has gone behind him enough.

" Yagiz" Hazan whispers softly, she doesn't want anyone at the house overhearing.

"Hazan we need to talk" Yagiz says without preamble, his voice steady betraying no emotion or the mood he is in. Hazan's heart flutters, hearing his deep voice.