Wherever You Go

Chapter 35

Hazan was in a world of pain literally and figuratively. She never functioned well when she was at odds with Yagiz. Even from the very first days of their acquaintance, she found it impossible to do anything if she felt Yagiz was not in good terms with her. That lost and hollow feeling of his displeasure or disapproval has made her do many things she would never have done otherwise. But this time she is hurt too much to ignore and be nice to him. 

His total ignorance of her opinion and Farah's blatant manipulation ate at her insides. He has been radio silent since their argument which shows either he is too mad and silently fuming or doesn't care what happens. Hazan is very much tempted to believe the latter, it will make it easier for her to make up her mind. She herself has set a timeline of 6 months for their marriage. Almost 8 months has passed and see where it has got them. 

They have made some progress , there were really beautiful moments. But Yagiz has not opened upto her, has not shared any worthwhile thought with her, has not scolded her for the betrayal, has not shared how bad he felt with her. The issue sat between them like an elephant in the room. He still did not have much faith in her. She was not even sure that he loved her anymore. He hasn't really demonstrated that with his actions has he? Running to Farah, whom she had specifically told him she cannot bear to see near him? Doesn't look like someone in love. True, he has treated her with a lot of care, ensured that she is safe, ensured that she didn't have to labour too much by finding her the break at Unita, but he would have done that for anyone . Hazan's blood boiled to think that he had done far more things for Ece than what he had done for her. 

Her issues seemed to be mounting in Turkey too. Fortunately her mothers illness turned out to be long drawn out anemia. Long road to recovery, but not life threatening, with the correct treatment. But she wanted her mother to tire herself too much, which meant that Ece was basically alone with the child. It would have been fine, if Mr. Hazim was not under her care too. There was a nurse who was looking after him at all hours, but it was simply not enough. Gokhan was too busy trying to get the business back on feet and looking after an invalid like Hazim who had many complications was a tedious and very responsible task. Whilst she was there Hazan spent all her time with her nephew, trying to give a respite to both her mother and sister. That and spending time with bubbly Ozgur was like balm to her soul and sleeping drug for her tired body and mind. 

Hazan knew that she has to make up her mind soon. Already nearly two of her 6 weeks have elapsed. If she wants her mother to take it easy, Hazan has to keep the money coming in. She didn't know what she could do if she stayed in Turkey. She can try finding work in a gym, she assumed. She will never approach modeling again in Turkey, not in this life. If she was truthful to herself, there is not much of a future for her in Istanbul, where people have still not forgotten the drama that was the Egemen family, which unfortunately was entangled with her family forever. It will be so until Sinan continued with his antics and Gokhan trying to revive the business. She was trying her best to maintain a low profile, to live quietly without being detected by the gossip sites and newspapers. 

Last thing she needed was to be her pictures to be plastered all over the internet. Hazan sighed, turning restlessly in her bed. Despite protesting before, she moved into a room in the new house. It was the practical thing to do and was also the economical thing to do, until she makes a permanent decision about what she wants to do. Surprisingly both her mother and sister has not pressured her to stay yet. Ece has given her few knowing looks, but they have been too busy and distracted to discuss anything at length.

 For the thousandth time, she wonders what Yagiz is doing right now. It is mid afternoon in USA. Maybe he went to office. She feels sad remembering how he worked from home when she did not have work, sometimes not even sitting together with her, but both doing their own thing in comfortable silence. As on cue her phone vibrates and she says a silent prayer before she glances at the screen.

" Yagiz" Hazan says, trying to sound non-chalant, but failing to hide her excitement.

" Hazan" Yagiz says and his tone send chills down her spine. He does not sound happy, infact he sounds downright mad. His one word carries so much, anger, disappointment and resentment. Despite the air conditioning in the room, Hazan feels sweat starting to form in her nape. No it couldn't be could it? C'mon can't she catch a break ever? Hazan feels her throat drying up.

" I suppose this is why you rushed to Turkey and waited till I am not there to do it" Yagiz says, his voice cold hard ice. Despite her nervousness and pure agitation to explain things to Yagiz his words makes her lose all rational thoughts. It is all her fault of course, he was never to blame.

" Yes Yagiz. I am the one who called your girl asking her to get you down to Poland by telling outright lies so that I can escape to Turkey" Hazan says, matching his icy tone. She hears his sharp intake of breath.

"For the last time, she is not my girl. If you wanted to meet Sinan you should have told me. There was no need to fabricate other stories" Yagiz taunts, his voice dripping with sarcasm that stabs her heart like daggers.

" Oh Yagiz, I could say the same to you. You could have told me that you wanted to see your princess, without the tedious stranded in Poland story" Hazan says, feeling a massive headache creeping in. She wants to explain to him, to plead him to understand. She did not know that Sinan was coming to Ece's house to see his father. Maybe Ece forgot to mention it to her. Two days ago she ran smack into him when she was exiting the house to run some errands. They stopped and stared at each other for a minute dumbfounded. Then Sinan being Sinan he rushed to her and held her by her arm. He looked more settled, different from his wild self many months ago. Their conversation was tensed and shorter than five minutes. He wanted to meet her, to talk like civilized people. 

Hazan in no uncertain terms told him there is nothing for them to talk. She was no longer afraid of him. She felt nothing for him, not even pity. He still must be travelling with photographers in tow and there must have been a photo somewhere of them. Hazan wanted to explain all this to Yagiz, but his accusations are bringing out the devil in her. How dare he? Just how bloody dare he?

" Again tit for tat I see. Funny I never saw this side of you" Yagiz says dangerously, talking as if his patience is hanging by a thread.

" Ha very funny Yagiz. You haven't seen any side of me. To see anything you need to be close to a person. We just lived in the same house. I was the farthest from you. I think you were closer to Ece those days than we have ever been" Her words start with a cruel taunting laugh but ends with almost breaking of her voice. Silence reigns for few seconds afterwards, his heavy breathing is only audible. Hazan fights desperately to not to cry.

" Hazan, I specifically asked you to stay away from Sinan. That is the only thing I asked from you upto now" He speaks finally, his words measured, as if talking to a person who cannot comprehend. Hazan find herself dangerously close to screaming her head off. What is his problem? Does he think she met Sinan purposely? How unfair was this?

" I hate to say this Yagiz. But staying away from your princess is also the only thing I asked from you. We all know how well that worked out, don't we" She says and cut the call, not sure how long she can hold onto her composure.