Wherever You Go

Chapter 13

Back at the apartment they sit silently, this time Yagiz managing to sit away from Hazan. There are a million things that they should discuss but here they were sitting tensed up like tightly wound coils.

" I will go to the embassy tomorrow and start the process" Hazan says after the silence is stretched so thick between them and she cannot take it anymore.

" Wait till the lawyer calls you" he shoots back abruptly and Hazan flushes , embarrassed. Of course he didn't believe that she could do something like that, uneducated and unsophisticated as she is.

" I mean they are experienced at this and they will do it with the minimum hassle. You will only have to produce the documents and go for the interview when called" he says in a gentler tone and Hazan feels her throat getting clogged so she just nods. The way he always protected her and cushioned her against the cruelness of the world warms her heart. She tried to do the same in her own misguided way. He has to see that, if not now maybe later. She vows no matter how hard it is she will not give up. For her there is no other alternative either. She will either win him back or go down to hell trying, she thinks.

"You are going to tell them?" he asks after another long pause . Hazan looks at him uncomprehendingly at first and immediately regrets it. Maybe it will be better if she doesn't look at his face or the eyes for the remainder of time because it is just a reminder that she will not see him for a long time. She was used to seeing him and interacting with him almost everyday for better part of an year and somehow in everything important in her life he was there, good or bad. He is going to take a major part of her life and go she thinks, and realize that marriage or no marriage he still can go and vanish. There is nothing much she will be able to do about it.

" Are you going to tell your family?" Yagiz asks again, also looking quickly away.

" Not right away. I need to process it myself first" Hazan hears herself say and cringe at her choice of words. Way to go Hazan, she chides herself, you virtually force the man to marry you and then say you need time to process it. But Yagiz doesn't say anything, just nods. He knows that Ece will not create any trouble. Adopted or not adopted Ece has always supported him and pushed them together. He doesn't know what her mother would do. She has come to him and told him not to leave Hazan, but Mrs. Fazilet is a very unpredictable individual. So it can go either way.

" You will call me when you go?" Hazan asks, uncertainty and the panic she is feeling from her earlier thoughts clear in her voice. Yagiz doesn't look at her face.

" As soon as I land I am going to change my number" he says, instead of answering her.

" But you will call me?" Hazan asks , louder this time, her voice unsteady and close to breaking. Yagiz's sigh is something that she has heard a lot from him. Specially when she was being impossible and he is exasperated with her.

" Yes Hazan I will call. Don't worry my lawyers will be in touch" he says and she feels her patience snapping. She closes her eyes and try to gain control of her emotions, she is not in a position to get angry and she does not want another fight to send him off.

" Of course of course. Your lawyer will talk to me.." She cannot help muttering to herself. In the pin drop silence of the living room Yagiz hears it and he is trying to gauge her mood. He enjoyed the feisty Hazan very much. He fell in love with that Hazan. Her downcast demeanor and sad eyes is not something that he can take. His eyes goes to the watch and it is time to go. He hopes she will not insist going to the airport with him. If the press was really interested they could find his flight and being photographed together now would be disastrous specially for her, he thinks.

" I have to go" he says simply and gets up. Hazan follows suit, hoping that she can keep her dignity intact.

" OK. I will hand over keys to downstairs and go " she says moving along with him towards the door. She badly wants to go to the airport but does not think she can be discreet or dignified there. It is better to send him off and cry her heart out here. Yagiz hovers near the door, his heart hammering and crumbling at the same time. Love her or hate her it is impossible to move away from her even, leave alone going away for thousands of miles. He is torn between his need to escape this country and make a fresh start and the need to be close to her and protect her. " Take care Hazan" he says simply, controlling his emotions as much as he can though his vision is already blurred.