Wherever You Go

Chapter 4

"Hazan I cannot stay here anymore. Every time I wanted to leave something made me stop, but this time nothing can stop me" Yagiz says ever so softly, because he cannot hurt her, cannot bear to see her sad. Hazan just nods, unable to speak.

"I don't know what I will do. I am not even a person anymore. I will go to States and discover probably. I think you understand that I cannot live here anymore" he says and sighs heavily. Hazan bites on her lip hard, desperate to regain her composure.

"Yagiz, I understand. But I do not agree with you. You are a person and you are not defined by your parents. You have achieved everything on your own. There is nothing in the name. The important thing is what sort of a person you are" she says earnestly and he stares at her unblinking, wanting so badly to believe her.

"When are you leaving?" she asks, her voice breaking at the end.

"Tomorrow afternoon flight" Yagiz says, his own eyes filling with tears.

"I wanted to cut all ties. That is why I rented this place for tonight. I wanted to go and disappear from Turkey. I don't know if I will ever return." His words cut like a knife but Hazan hardly feels the pain.

" I am a mess, I feel hurt, I feel betrayed, sometimes I feel dark anger, sometimes I just feel nothing. I am not such a nice person to be with anymore. I am not the Yagiz you knew anymore Hazan" he whispers, frustrated at his own words and behavior, knowing that he is hurting the most important person in his life. But it is the truth and he does not know whether he will be able to forgive her and he does not want to destroy her life. He feels her hand on his forearm, hot like she is running a fever.

"Yagiz, I just want to know one thing.... She says staring so intently at him that he cannot look away or breathe properly.

" Do you still want to cut all ties?" she asks, emphasizing the word all. He hesitates, torn between the massive doubts creeping up on him and the desire to be with her. He hesitates long enough that Hazan squeezes his forearm gently, prodding him.

" Hazan.. I ..." he falters and sweeps his hair in desperation.

" Even before your mother came to see me I had already decided to come to you. To tell you I am going.. to see you once again. So at some level I must have wanted to keep ties with you" Yagiz finally says. He sees Hazan's eyes widen and realize that she doesn't know Mrs. Fazilet's visit. However she doesn't ask anything and gently removes her hand from his forearm. Her eyes close in a familiar gesture which tells him that she is thinking furiously. In the next minute her eyes fly open, glittering like steel in their determination.

" Yagiz, I want to be with you. I want a chance to earn your trust. I will work hard for that. But I want to be next to you doing that" Hazan could see his surprise reflected in his whole face. He was absolutely staring at her now, incredulous.

"Hazan.. what are you saying.. you mean.." his voice trails off , his surprise getting better of him.

"Yagiz, I want to go wherever you go. I will not hold you responsible for whatever happens. But I want a chance. I will go wherever you go"

"Hazan do you really mean it? I mean you know me, I will never ill treat you, I will always protect you . But I don't know whether I will be the same person. You are willing to risk it? Going away so far with me?" Yagiz cannot comprehend this. An independent woman like Hazan putting herself in a situation like that? In a foreign land, leaving all her life behind? With someone who has rejected her and almost disappeared without a trace?

" What about your family? Your life here? Are you being serious?" He questions her, still incredulous.

"I do not have a life here either. Not when you go anyway. Please take me with you" Hazan pleads, desperate tears welling in her eyes. Yagiz cannot believe what he is hearing. Hazan, who fought with everyone, argued with everyone, stubbornly independent and did not take a cent from anyone, is this the same person? What about her mother? Ece? Whom she held so dear? Wasn't she the mother hen?