Wherever You Go

Chapter 29

Life settled on to a strange but comfortable rhythm for Yagiz and Hazan. It was strange because there was no clear definition for their relationship. They were definitely not a couple but there was definite electricity and tension between them. Sometimes they were like friends, but they fought bitterly for the smallest thing. It was comfortable because they were beginning to be comfortable with each other, so much so that Yagiz could not remember how life was before Hazan arrived. Hazan started working for Unita and was going for shoots several days a week. She found the work to be very challenging and they valued her creative inputs. For the first time in her life she found modeling to be enjoyable and fulfilling.

Most mornings they had coffee together and whoever woke first made it. Hazan woke up few days to see that Yagiz has prepared breakfast for her. Most mornings they travelled to offices together and on Hazan's off days Yagiz found himself also hanging out at the house, working from home or coming home early. They spent time travelling to new places and eating out. Yagiz marveled at how he is enjoying the feeling of being looked after. 

In his life he has never had that feeling, not at least from people he cared about and later he never craved for it. But Hazan's small touches of getting his coffee ready, cooking dinner when she arrived first and managing the grocery list and the kitchen made him feel ridiculously special. Hazan was getting more comfortable with the city and it was exciting to travel on her own doing various things. Of course she was over the moon when Yagiz suddenly calls her asking the time she will finish and pick her up. They end up either eating out or going site seeing almost every time.

Though things were relatively peaceful and happy, she knew that nothing is resolved between them or for Yagiz. True, Yagiz seemed to be less depressed and sleeping better and interacting better with her. But he is still absolutely closed up and have not even remotely allowed her to get involved in the emotional phase he is going through. He was talking regularly to Gokhan and also following up Mr. Hazim's recovery closely, which counted as progress. In the month and half that has passed since her arrival, he hasn't spoken a word with her regarding how he feels now or what he plans to do. She had asked him for 6 months and virtually two months has gone. Yagiz has only shown any emotion when Sinan's name came up and in a very bad way. Hazan cannot even imagine what he must be suffering inside. She has left everything to help him feel better and instead has become an additional burden to Yagiz. She felt like an utter failure.

She doesn't know what woke her up, probably the restlessness that had been plaguing her since a week or two. It has enhanced with the fact that Yagiz seems to be slightly more distanced from her. There was nothing exactly to pinpoint. But twice this week he was gone when she woke up and he got late to come almost every day. He called her and texted her for mundane things but knowing him as she does, Hazan knew something has shifted. After tossing and turning for an hour unsuccessfully to go back to sleep, Hazan decides on her only answer to problems at 1 a.m, strong coffee. 

Walking to the kitchen through the living room, she would have surely missed Yagiz who was sitting like a statue on the couch, a glass in his hand and staring unseeingly at the skyline, if she was not fascinated by the extra colourful vista beneath on a Friday night. Hazan stops and debates briefly with herself. No one approaches him when he is like this, he can freeze anyone within minutes. But they cannot go on indefinitely like this. Hazan does not mind living with him, even in this strange arrangement, but she cannot tolerate his silent suffering and him alienating her. She musters up the courage and walks up to him. Yagiz looks up, surprised to see her awake at 1 am. She huddles up in her coat because it is arctically cold in the living room.

" Can't you sleep?" Yagiz asks gripping the liquor glass.

"Aren't you cold?" Hazan asks in reply and grabs the remote, adjusting the temperature. Yagiz is just wearing a black short sleeve t shirt and sweat pants, he too probably must have come from the bed, failing to sleep. Yagiz's eyes silently follows her when she, after some debate with herself sits next to him on the couch. Hazan almost physically feels him shutting himself down but is determined to not to give up.