Heartless Vasiliev

Chapter Four

Celeste

I couldn't finish the day staying at work. Guilt is eating me up, so when I calmed, I immediately drove home. Nathaniel wasn't here, so I changed into a shirt and decided to make myself lunch.

Just when I was about to eat, Nathan arrived. Mukhang nagulat pa siya nang makita niya ako. Mabilis siyang lumapit.

"Nakauwi ka na pala, hon." He sat beside me and tucked my hair behind my ear. "Bakit parang umiyak ka? Hon, are you okay? May masakit ba sa 'yo, mahal ko?"

He looked so damn worried about me, and it didn't help. It made me feel guiltier. I stood and hugged him as tears started falling again.

"I don't deserve this," I whispered. I was talking about how good Nathan is to me. I don't deserve his kindness, or him at this point.

He stiffened and I felt his hand on my back as he tightened the hug. "Sorry," he whispered with pain in his voice. "I'm so sorry, Celeste."

Natauhan ako sa paghingi niya ng tawad. Oo nga pala, he also has issues with himself. I forced myself to stop crying.

"It's not your fault, hon." When I faced him, his eyes were turning red and tears are already visible at the corners of his eyes. Is he. . . Is he gonna cry for me?

"I know it's not my fault, but I can't help it. I can't stop blaming myself. Sa dinami-rami ng puwedeng magkakaroon ng ganitong problema, bakit ako pa?" He distanced himself. "Believe me, gustong-gusto kong bumuo ng pamilya kasama ka, pero. . ."

"Don't think about it, Nathan."

"How could I not think of something that literally brings you to tears, hon?"

But that's not the reason. Gusto kong sabihin sa kaniya 'yon, but the consequences are unimaginable. I can't bare to lose him. Not when I have my whole life planned with him.

I put a space between us. "Siguro emotional lang ako dahil nabigla ako. Just assure me, Tan, we'll get through this together, right?"

"Oo naman. As long as you're holding on to our love, I will never stop loving you."

"May gagawin ka pa?"

He shook his head. "Wala na. Bakit?"

"Date tayo?"

His face lit up. "Talaga? Ngayon na, hon? I still have access to the art exhibit kahit hindi na 'yon open sa public. Naroon pa ang paintings ko."

I nodded. "Gusto kong manood ng sine. At pagkatapos n'on, puwede na tayong pumunta sa art exhibit."

"Sige, hon. Tapusin mo muna 'yang kinakain mo saka tayo umalis. I'll wait in the living room."

Tumango ako bilang sagot at bumalik sa pagkain. I have to get Conrad's words out of my mind. I need to get back on track. I'll just take care of Nathaniel's problem later.

As soon as I was done with my meal, I called Nathan. He let me change into something before we left. As he was driving, he was holding my hand and telling me how excited he is to show me his masterpieces. Of course, I showed him how happy I was with his achievements.

At the cinema, we decided to watch a rom-com movie. Since its not peak season yet, there are only a few people present. Nathan got us a good view of the movie and also bought some snacks we shared. I attentively watched since the genre is really my cup of tea. I take glances of Nathan from time to time, and I always catch him smiling while looking at me. Everytime I'd laugh, he giggles. And he keeps kissing me on my cheek every now and then. I decided to confront him about it when the movie was finished.

"Mamaya malasing naman ako sa halik mo, hon?" I teased.

"I'm sorry, I just can't help it."

"I get it," I giggled. "Later na."

"You still want to do it with me even after—"

"Hush now. Let's get that out of our system. A little something will not ruin us." I breathed. Not on my watch.

"Thanks for that," he let out a nervous laugh. "I really thought this would take a toll on us— our relationship."

"Well, there's really nothing I can do. I just needed a few time on my own to figure things out."

"And you're okay with it now?"

"Honestly, Nathan, I still need to get used to it. I figured that the earlier I try to move on, the sooner I can accept it."

"Do things at your own pace, hon."

"This is my own pace."

"Sure?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

He intertwined our fingers as we walked out of the cinema. We drove to his art exhibit. It already closed, but since he is the artist of most artworks, he has a special access. It felt like we're VIPs since it's just the two of us.

"Look here," he said. He brought me to an artwork depicting a beautiful woman. I've never seen a person as beautiful as her. She is out of this world.

"She's beautiful! Wait, no— beautiful cannot be the right word. I can't express into words how beautiful she is, hon."

"That's you."

"Huh? We look nothing alike, hon. It can't be me."

"The way you look at her, that's how I see you. Every painting here is inspired by you. Hindi lang halata, pero lahat ng ito ay para sa 'yo."

All of the paintings in this room belongs to him. I looked at each of them, some are familiar, and some aren't, but they're all beautiful. I felt mixed emotions as I watched them.

"Ang gaganda nilang lahat."

"Thank you, hon."

"Nga pala, I remembered something."

"Yeah? What is it?"

"Wala na pala tayong stocks ng grocery sa bahay. Let's buy some for later, okay?"

"That's random, but okay. And after that, ako ba o ikaw ang magluluto ng hapunan?"

"I don't know." I giggled. "You tell me."

He chuckled then kissed my forehead. "Sige na, ako na. Love you."

"I love you, Nathan."